From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   String Dance!   
   Max is:   
   	- Having a good weekend.  Let's move on.   
      
      
   Conologue:   
   	- Gridlock in town due to world leaders being in New York City;   
   Mexico sent the five gys who aren't already here.  Mr and Mrs Bush gave   
   a speech on literacy at the New York Public Library.  Laura was for it,   
   Bush against it.  The Wall Street Journal reports General Motors and   
   Ford are thinking of merging, so they can team up and make krunky cars   
   together.  Everyone in the crowd has owned one of thw two.  Kirstie   
   Alley recently dropped 85 pounds when her Arby's bag fell out the car   
   window.  The Illinois district attorney isn't prosecuting a man who   
   brought a penis pump aboard an airplane; he's already received the   
   harshest penalty the law allows, an airport screener yelling, 'Hey   
   everybody, this guy's got a penis pump!'  Shouldn't act that one out.   
   	   
      
   Walkover Music:   
   	- What is it?  No, it's not one of the same ones we always play.   
    His lawyer says it's okay to give the name.  It's by Kool and the Gang.   
    It *was* named Rhymetime People, but now they'll have to change it.   
   What was their big hit?  Anybody?  Celebration!  Jerry's played some   
   weddings in his day.  Conan orders Celebration to never be played, on   
   threat of charging out of the studio into the cab.  They ended an   
   episode of Chips once with it.  Erik Estrada's character was in the   
   band.  Conan was 14; he got a gun and shot himself.  It was a flesh   
   wound.  Don't watch bad TV with Conan.   
      
      
   The CW is on the air:   
   	- It's a merger of UPN and the WB.  Other TV mergers haven't   
   gone well, like:  Golf Network and Animal Planet (a cougar attacks a   
   putter); History Channel and Telemundo (Abe Lincoln in a sombrero); CNN   
   and Spice.  What are Larry King's suspenders holding up?   
   	   
      
   Football:   
   	- People always cheer football, except one guy who yells   
   'Chess!'   
   	   
   	Made-for-TV movie casting:   
   	   
   	- Al Michaels: James Caan.   
   	   
   	- ESPN's Joe Theisman: Mel Gibson.   
   	   
   	- Fox's Jimmy Johnson: Ted Kennedy.   
   	   
   	- Howie Long: Vanilla Ice.   
   	   
   	- Bob Costas: The kid from Two and a Half Men.   
   	   
   	- Sideline reporter Andrea Kramer: The Runaway Bride.   
   	   
   	- Chris Collinsworth: Beaker from the Muppets.   
   	   
   	- Joe Buck: Martina Navratalova.   
   	   
   	- Mike Turrico: Chef from South Park.   
   	   
   	- Terry Bradshaw: Bozo the Clown.  (I would have accepted Gavin   
   Macleod.)   
   	   
   	- John Madden: Ursula from The Little Mermaid.   
      
      
   Random Cut to the Audience:   
   	- That's very rude, please stop it.  She starts playing   
   Beethoven's Fifth.  She's being *so* rude.  Dragnet Theme.  Rapid-fire   
   cutting and an epilepsy warning.  Does she does this everywhere she   
   goes?  Cut to Times Square and her on the Jumbotron.  If you can't beat   
   them, join them.  Conan does.   
   	   
   	   
   Gisele Bundchen:   
   	- What's she wearing, some kind of shirt?  Last time she wore a   
   dress, the question was show more cleavage or show more legs, either way   
   Conan wins.  Last time had engineering problems.  Conan would love to   
   tan, but he can't; he gets freckles and people call to get him home.   
   She tries to sing, but she doesn't like anyone else singing,   
   particularly if she's had more than one drink; she refuses to give the   
   microphone up.  Would she ever sing Celebration?  Play it!  The Max   
   Weinberg 7 know it.  Conan can't sing it.  He can sing like a guy with a   
   big moustache from about 1890.  She's from Brazil where people speak   
   Portugese; he speaks some Spanish.  Are they very different?  Is Spanish   
   understandable in Brazil?  It depends how fast you speak; Spanish,   
   Portugese, and Italian have common roots.  He wants to learn something   
   in Portugese, like, 'I must have you.'  It doesn't go well.  He may not   
   be successful doing that at all.  Making up could be the best part.   
   	   
   	- Her sister just had a baby.  He's big.  She wants to steal   
   her, but she is her sister's so she can't do that.  She's single; it's   
   good to be single sometimes.  Many people are happy that she's single.   
   In High School Conan thought women wanted boys who were big and strong;   
   they actually want nice and smart and funny.  What're you going to do?   
   	   
   	- Victoria's Secret has a makeup bag; there's a present for   
   Conan in it.  There's Pleasure Me Bluff, there's Wet lipstick, Yes ...   
   something ... and G for Gisele something.  Ravish Me eye shadow; Beg Me;   
   Aroused lip lacquer.  The packaging is what's really sexy, black with   
   pink details.  It says 'Very Sexy' in the little mirror.  Lose Control   
   eye shadow.  What is lip lacquer?  She puts shadow on Conan.  He likes   
   the part where she's putting it on.  Now mascara?  Try the lipstick?   
   Why not.  Conan does look good with lipstick.  Hi, La Bamba.   
   	   
   	- A present, based on last time's yoga breathing; a VERY SEXY   
   shirt.   
      
      
   Conan apologizes for the FedEx Pope:   
   	- He's always disappointing.  Let's bring him in now.  The only   
   character nearly this lame is Mansy, the half-man, half-pansy.  But even   
   Mansy looks pretty good in comparison.  So to everyone on earth, please   
   forgive us for creating FedEx Pope.  Could you get lost, please?  And he   
   goes on the long walk of shame, the traditional lowering of the head,   
   and the traditional falling off of the FedEx box.  Mansy can stay.  That   
   guy went to college.   
   	   
      
   Jim Cramer:   
   	- What's wrong with him?  It looks like a street brawl.  He's   
   massively bipolar, and for the first time, it's an advantage, as it's   
   entertaining television.  He's medicated, but not too much.  He's   
   bouncing around.  He goes on about the Aeron chair.  He ran a hedge fund   
   and was famous for being dangerous, but he choked only one guy, who lost   
   a half-million in about a half-hour.  One thing lead to another once he   
   had his hands around the other guy.  He wasn't really squeezing the life   
   out of a guy, he was ... nuzzling ... he'd put Post-It notes to   
   embarrass people who lost money.  He had to wear them too, because he   
   was a genius and a fraud too.  It's exciting to work with stuff being   
   thrown at you, which he says as the guy throwing stuff.  His child at   
   the delivery was looking for stock advice.  What does he do to enjoy   
   life?  Next month is Octoberfest at Red Lobster; there's also Olive   
   Garden and unlimited greens.  He's big on Wendy's, too.   
      
      
   Madeleine Peyroux:   
   	- From Pat the Perfect World: Sticks and Stones.  Wonderful   
   playing, lovely melody.   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)