From: ddrewc@verizonSPAMBEGONE.net   
      
   I tried for a shorter and less detailed summary this time, but it  still   
   took over an hour.   
      
   On 2007-03-14 1:31 a.m., Joseph Nebus verbated:   
   > 	I'm sorry, I'm still on short hours and poor connecting times;   
   > I hope you can fill in in my absense.  I *hope* to be able to catch the   
   > episodes when I return home and can see my parents' Tivo, but can't be   
   > sure they won't have erased them either.  So, if you please, do fill in   
   > matters and I can try following up when I can.   
   >   
   > 	Incidentally, Andy Richter was on the Tonight Show tonight; he'll   
   > be on Late Night tomorrow.  He's looking really good and was, of course,   
   > very funny.   
   >   
   >   
   > Max is:   
           - Incredibly pompous. (In response to Conan's ``Nice to see you,''   
   he says ``Yes.'')   
   >   
   >   
   > Conologue:   
           - President Bush was in Mexico today, and he met with Mexican   
   President Calderon to talk immigration issues. Unfortunately, discussions   
   were cut short when during the meeting Calderon emigrated to California.   
      
           - While in Mexico, President Bush visited the ruins of an ancient   
   Mayan city. There was an awkward moment when Bush said, ``We will get the   
   evildoers who did this.''   
      
           - The website Myspace has announced that they will launch their own   
   news service. The service will feature hard-hitting stories like ``Why is   
   Stacey Being Such a Bitch?''   
      
           - The Vatican will have their own television network. Officials say   
   the Vatican network will show Sunday masses, debates on Catholic dogma and   
   "Seinfeld" reruns in Latin. (Conan: ``Domine, yadda yadda yadda.'')   
      
           - Court TV announced that they are going to give Star Jones a new   
   TV show, and that they're changing the name, Court TV. In honor of Star   
   Jones, the new name will be the Food Court Network.   
      
           - She's fine now, but the other day in Queens, a 101-year-old woman   
   was mugged and had her purse stolen. The 101-year-old woman said she was so   
   scared that she /didn't/ wet herself.   
      
           - A male contestant from this year's "American Idol" has been   
   accused of trying to force oral sex on a male employee of "American Idol."   
   Which is really a shame, 'cause everything would have been fine if he had   
   just asked Ryan Seacrest nicely.   
      
           - Conan: ``All right then, we've alienated 11 people. The Pope and   
   the more powerful Ryan Seacrest.''   
      
   >   
   >   
   > Comedy Bits:   
           - Conan is growing his sideburns (he calls them "choppers") nice   
   and long. He wants to grow them all the way down until they meet underneath   
   his chin, come back up and make new eyebrows.   
      
           - Interview with Pierre Bernard: Conan wanted to shoot a remote   
   segment at Pierre's house because Pierre keeps a world-class collection of   
   action figures and collectibles in his home. But Pierre said no. Conan was   
   concerned and decided to have a ``completely unscripted and unrehearsed''   
   talk with Pierre, Dateline-style. Conan thinks the only explanation for   
   Pierre's refusal to let cameras into his home is that Pierre is a serial   
   killer. Conan asks a bunch of questions, and Pierre gives mostly innocent   
   answers, but Conan twists the answers to suggest that Pierre has psychotic   
   tendencies. Conan's questions grow ridiculously manipulative. (Conan:   
   ``Would it be okay if I came to your house, went into the basement, and   
   tore up the floor with jackhammers? ... You seem pretty nervous.'')   
   Finally, Pierre walks out of the interview, but only after Conan threatens   
   to fire him if he doesn't.   
      
   >   
   >   
   > Chris Rock:   
           - Jokes that some crazy black guy tried to kill him backstage.   
   Feels like [bleep]. Thinks Conan's height makes him look like a Macy's   
   parade float.   
      
           - Riffs on Barack Obama:   
      
               - ``Everybody goes, `Is America ready for a black president?'   
   Well, I say, `You know, we just had a retarded one.' ''   
      
               - Al Sharpton won't endorse Obama: ``I heard Timbaland's not   
   gonna produce the new Willie Nelson album, either.''   
      
               - White people love Obama: ``I haven't seen a black man loved   
   like this since Sammy Davis Jr.''   
      
               - ``Klansmen are holding up their white daughters. `Please,   
   take her!' ''   
      
           - On Anna Nicole Smith's enduring news presence:   
      
               - ``James Brown died the same week. Godfather Of Soul, two   
   days. Anna Nicole Smith, two months.''   
      
               - ``She's the kind of plump only a black man could appreciate.   
   You know, white women don't even have to look at the scale. They know   
   they're gaining weight when too many brothers start hitting on them.''   
      
               - ``Did you see Anna Nicole's funeral? There was nothing but   
   brothers carrying her, nothing but crying, big black men carrying her. I   
   thought Jesse Jackson had died.''   
      
           - After the commercial break, Rock asks Max if he's in the Rock and   
   Roll Hall of Fame. Max says no -- he looked last night. Rock: ``What   
   happened? You bet on baseball?'' Conan will see to it that Max gets in.   
   They joke about obscure has-beens that got into the HoF ahead of Max (they   
   really didn't): Tone Loc, Funky Cold Medina, Young MC, Color Me Badd,   
   Bananarama.   
      
           - They talk about the title of Rock's new movie, "I Think I Love My   
   Wife." Does Rock daydream about other women? ``I daydream about Rosie   
   O'Donnell every single day.... It's just a movie. It's got nothing to do   
   with my real life. I love my wife. God bless. My wife's got a movie coming   
   out called "I Think These Are Your Kids." '' Did she get upset when she   
   learned the title? ``I sent her shopping, and it was all good after that.''   
      
           - It's his second movie as director. Does he like directing? He'd   
   rather get a good script with Matt Damon playing the lead. ``I can't wait   
   till the new "Bourne" -- you know, till he starts kicking ass without no   
   memory. You know, he lose his memory, but he don't forget how to kick ass.''   
      
   >   
   >   
   > Christopher Meloni:	   
           - Is nervous because he's following Chris Rock. Last time, it was   
   Will Ferrell. Time before that, Adam Sandler. He's like the animal that   
   does the special tricks.   
      
           - Talks about his roles on "Law & Order" and "Harold & Kumar go to   
   White Castle." His prosthetic make-up in the latter took 4 1/2 hours to put on.   
      
           - He was in Shreveport, LA, recently, where a church bought up a   
   mall and moved in. The Burlington Coat Factory wouldn't move out, though.   
   Conan: ``These are very odd facts you're telling us... The peanut is   
   neither a pea nor a nut. It's a legume.''   
      
           - After doing close to 180 shows of "L&O: SVU," he has trouble   
   remembering episodes and people in them. An actor will bump into him on the   
   street and try to remind him of the episode they did together: ``The   
   episode called `Sin'... the one where the woman was raped...'' It's to no   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)