From: ddrewc@verizonSPAMBEGONE.net   
      
   Well, it's been a fun week. I have a newfound respect for Nebus -- this is   
   time-consuming, painstaking work for me, made somewhat less excruciating by   
   my being a fan of the show.   
      
      
   Max is:   
           - Celebrating St. Patrick's Day -- a big day at the Weinberg house.   
      
      
   Conologue:   
           - President Bush celebrated St. Patrick's Day by saluting prominent   
   Irish-Americans Sandra Day O'Connor, Tip O'Neill and Barack O'Bama.   
      
           - Tomorrow, New York City will have the St. Patrick's Day parade,   
   and this year, there's going to be 150,000 marchers. Not only that, there   
   will be 200,000 crawlers and 300,000 faller-downers.   
      
           - Economists are predicting that this year, on St. Patrick's Day,   
   consumers will spend $4 billion. Unfortunately, about $2 billion of it is   
   going to end up all over their shoes.   
      
           - Angelina Jolie officially adopted a Vietnamese orphan yesterday,   
   and she has named him Pax Thien. Jolie says that Pax Thien is Vietnamese   
   for "Number 32."   
      
           - This week, Court TV announced they are creating a new courtroom   
   show for Star Jones. So for the first time, Justice is glad that it's blind.   
      
           - True story: At a zoo in Louisiana, a female chimpanzee recently   
   got pregnant, even though all the male chimps had supposedly been fixed.   
   And now, paternity tests indicate that the father is a chimp named Conan.   
   Not only did they name a chimp after me, they botched my chimp vasectomy.   
      
      
   Walkover music: "Green Onions" by Booker T & the MG's.   
      
      
   Comedy bits:   
           - Conan reminds us of the San Francisco shows from April 30 - May   
   4, and repeats the web address where tickets can be requested. A   
   loud-mouthed malcontent in the audience complains that he can't use a   
   computer to get tickets, ``not with ham hocks like these'' (holding up his   
   hands). Conan offers him tickets on the spot. The guy is not appeased -- he   
   says that Conan probably gave all the good tickets to his ``fancy show-biz   
   friends and Lou Dobbs,'' cold-cocks the guy seated next to him (Michael   
   Koman), and storms out of the studio. Conan wonders how long the recipient   
   of the punch is going to stay unconscious, now that the sketch is over.   
      
           - In response to the news of an "American Idol" contestant sexually   
   harassing a show employee, Conan talks to the TV audience about the problem   
   of sexual harassment in the workplace. Meanwhile, as he mentions ``obsessed   
   monster,'' ``lascivious... sexual deviant'' and the like, the camera keeps   
   cutting to Max. At the end of Conan's spiel, we get an address to which   
   victims can write to report complaints, along with another close-up of Max.   
      
           - For St. Patrick's Day, we again see Senator Ted Kennedy Passed   
   Out on a Beanbag (from yesterday's March Madness Mascots), only this time   
   he's wearing shamrock-patterned boxers.   
      
           - This is followed by a pretaped commercial for Moriarty's   
   Leprechaun Hat. In it, an Irish-American honors his forbears on St. Pat's   
   Day by wearing a brimmed hat made of green plastic. We see his drunken   
   misadventures in a bar. He is thrown out of the bar, stumbles, and vomits   
   into his hat, which he then places back into its box at home, so it can be   
   worn again next year.   
      
           - In the segue to commercial break, we see Conan in the audience   
   tickling a still-sleeping Koman, trying to wake him up.   
      
      
      
   Jeff Goldblum:   
           - Conan admires Jeff's cool, tinted glasses -- ``they look like   
   they're made of marzipan'' -- and tries them on.   
      
           - Jeff loves St. Patrick's Day. He asks how to complete a line the   
   Lucky Charms leprechaun supposedly said: ``I'll make a (blank) and sail   
   away.'' Audience guesses ``rainbow,'' ``doubloons,'' and ``raft.'' The   
   answer is ``boat.'' (Duh.) Conan bets Jeff fifteen cans of Guinness the   
   Lucky Charms guy never said it.   
      
           - In his show "Raines," he plays a detective who hallucinates. Did   
   he have any experience to draw on for this?   
      
   ... Unfortunately, my PC started recording erratically around this point,   
   as it sometimes does when it's trying to do too many things at once, so I   
   can't reproduce many details from the rest of the conversation with   
   Goldblum. In the fragments that I have, Jeff says that people who   
   hallucinate find ordinary objects ``interesting and moving.'' He then says   
   he finds Conan fascinating, and there's a long silence. Conan admires   
   Jeff's ``deep reservoir of calm.'' Conan is the exact opposite, ``like a   
   bear on some kind of weird drug.'' They play a clip of "Raines."   
      
   Fadeout to commercial music: "Blue Monk" by Thelonious Monk.   
      
      
   Lenten Comedy Bit:   
           - A pair of priests ask Conan what he's doing to observe the season   
   of Lent. Conan says he gave up eating chocolate. The priests get on his   
   case: ``Next year, you can give up smooth peanut butter.... Why don't you   
   give up putting your hands on yourself?'' Conan gets defensive, but before   
   the priests can harass him further, Jesus shows up and calls the priests   
   away: ``Brannigan eating red meat on 6th Avenue!'' Conan: ``Thanks a lot,   
   Jesus. I owe you one.'' Jesus: ``You owe me one. You all owe me one!''   
      
      
   Ivanka Trump:   
           - A former model, she is beautiful and tall, like Conan and Jeff.   
   She is currently on her father Donald's show, "The Apprentice: Los Angeles."   
      
           - She has long been interested in skyscrapers, recalling that when   
   she was six, she made a model of the Trump Tower out of her little   
   brother's Legos (Legoes?). A few days later, her father pointed out that   
   she put five setbacks in the architectural facade of the building, when   
   there are really only four.   
      
           - She likes to walk around the construction sites of her family's   
   building projects -- though not in high heels.   
      
           - She heard her father tell Larry King he would fire his children   
   ``like a dog'' if they screw up. Conan: ``What does that even mean, to fire   
   someone like a dog? (Imitates Donald Trump:) `You're fired!' And then you   
   throw a tennis ball. (Makes throwing motion.) `Get out of here! Go, go, go!' ''   
      
           - Her father has been ``the most accessible dad,'' but bringing a   
   boyfriend to meet him is difficult because her father can be intimidating.   
   Conan asks if she could have a boyfriend who ``sits around his apartment   
   all day and eats Ramen fried noodles.'' She thinks people that she dates   
   should be successful in their chosen field (not necessarily financially);   
   otherwise, they could feel insecure around her family and her father. She   
   needs a guy who is ``confident and secure -- (she turns to Goldblum) not   
   unlike Jeff.'' Jeff: ``What are you saying?'' Ivanka: ``Do you want to come   
   home and meet Dad?'' Conan (to Jeff): ``Your glasses just all fogged up.''   
      
           - The contestants on her show live in tents in the Hollywood hills.   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)