From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   Max is:   
   	- Mastering that trick Conan, repeating what Conan said and   
   nodding.   
      
      
   Conologue:   
   	- Iran released the British captives, who say they were   
   well-treated and not tortured.  Not once were they forced to eat British   
   food.  Everyone was surprised how quickly they were released; the   
   Iranians realized the whole Iranian hostage thing is *so* 1979.  Barry   
   Bonds hit the first home run of the season, a solo shot to left field   
   after taking a solo shot to the left cheek ...  CBS is putting together   
   a list of people who could replace Bob Barker on The Price Is Right,   
   including George Hamilton and Mario Lopez, raising the question, who   
   *didn't* make this list?  Angelina Jolie is planning to adopt another   
   baby; why?  'Cause it's Thursday.  At the New York Auto Show the Taxicab   
   of the Future will be on display.  Designers say it's so futuristic the   
   driver will be from a country that doesn't even exist yet.  Britney   
   Spears and Kevin Federline finalized their divorce.  The agreement   
   prevents Federline from writing a tell-all book about their marriage.   
   Also stopping Federline from writing a book: illiteracy.  Some obese   
   people are upset that Australian hospitals are being upset because   
   they're being sent to racetracks to be weighed on horse scales.  The   
   hospitals were able to calm them by giving them a lump of sugar.  ABC   
   News says more people know the names of finalists on American Idol than   
   know Presidential Candidates; as a result, some candidates are altering   
   their approach.  (Photoshop of Hillary Clinton in what I assume is an   
   Idol-esque hairdo.)   
   	   
   	+ Fussy linguist types would point out Conan has misused   
   ``begging the question'', which in its original incarnation meant the   
   logical fallacy of assuming what one wants to question.  Others would   
   point out that the English language modifying terms so as to use a less   
   obscure version of the primary word is unusually tame for its   
   philandering linguistic ways.   
   	   
   	+ As soon as Conan said Federline was stopped from writing a   
   book, the punch line was obvious.   
      
      
   Walkover Music:   
   	- Conan loves Led Zeppelin, but whenever that one's on, he has   
   to turn the dial.  It's too frightening.   
      
      
   Conan's Releasing Their Late Night British Sailor Hostage:   
   	- William Oliver is free to go.   
      
      
   Max Weinberg and the 7 Are Amazing Musicians:   
   	- He thought it'd be fun to pick a random news story and see if   
   they can improvise a song for it.  Real story: A coyote wandered into a   
   Quiznos in downtown Chicago.  They improve ``Coyote in Quiznos'' -- ``He   
   was a lone scary wolf who was way out of place/ instead of roaming the   
   range he hit a Chi-town toasted sandwich place/ he probably burned his   
   nose / what were you thinking? / were you hot on peyote?   
      
   	+ They surprised me: I thought this would pretty much stop at   
   proclaiming ``Coyote in Quiznos'', and then they'd go on to another   
   story with an identical tune with another half-headline.  Instead they   
   made an actual, viable song out of it.  Good move on them.   
      
      
   American Idol Made For TV Movie Cast List:   
   	- Chris Sly: Jack Osborne.   
   	   
   	- Randy Jackson: Al Roker.   
   	   
   	- Tony Bennett: Ricardo Montalban.   
   	   
   	- Antonella Barba: a Girl Gone Wild.   
   	   
   	- Clay Aiken: Nancy Pelosi.   
   	   
   	- Bo Bise (I don't know either): Jesus.   
   	   
   	- Ruben Stoddard: a large Cadbury egg.   
   	   
   	- Paula Abdul: Nick Nolte.   
   	   
   	- William Hung: Kim Jong-Il.   
   	   
   	- Ryan Seacrest: a learning-disabled monkey, who's suing.   
   	   
   	- Justin Guarini: Sideshow Bob -- no, there's been a change -- a   
   dandelion.   
   	   
   	- Phil Stacey: The Weekly World News's Batboy.   
   	   
   	- The unqualified Sanjaya: President Bush.   
      
      
      
   Sean ``P Diddy'' Combs:   
   	- He felt so cool to have Conan on his itinerary.  Changing   
   sunglasses mid-interview ... Conan tries on the old ones.  They practice   
   looking cool and skeptical.   
   	   
   	- He's had twins: Delilah Star and Jesse James.  At what age is   
   bling acceptable to twin girls?  They had some before they were born.   
   Conan doesn't think there's a tiara section at Toys R Us.  Diddy rips   
   off his jacket; Conan does the same.   
   	   
   	- Clothes are important; dressing is not for him like it is for   
   us.  The way you start your day is how you finish it, so he starts with   
   dancing, and Marvin Gaye.  He knew The Secret before it was The Secret.   
   Start out dancing around, take a shower or bath.  Exfoliate.  He has a   
   loofah.  Air-dry, listen to Al Green.  He's got butter-like smooth skin.   
    He goes up to the audience so they can feel him.  Thumbs up from four   
   out of five people; Conan doesn't know what's wrong with the fifth.   
   Does his ``woman'' like it?  She never misses a show.   
   	   
   	- Let's talk about sex for a second.  (He gets such a glare.)   
   Conan didn't mean us, although, with his skin ... Diddy moves to the   
   side.  Can Conan try the scarf?  He's heard Diddy practices tantric sex.   
    Supposedly it can last a much longer time; his longest is ... 30 hours.   
    Are there TV breaks in there?  Are you drinking coffee?  Conan's never   
   done anything in his life for 30 hours.  He should try.  Conan doesn't   
   think it would happen.  Diddy's strong, and fit.  He loves making love   
   to his woman.  OK.   
   	   
   	- Remember, Danger is Conan's middle name.  Conan Danger   
   O'Brien.  He'll keep coming on.   
   	   
   	+ Conan Danger would be a good cartoon name.   
   	   
      
      
   Joel Interrupts with a CONAN O'BRIEN!	   
   	- He asks if he can go home, please.  Why?  Because of his   
   voice!  Sometimes his voice gets stuck in Announcer Mode.  It's been all   
   day like this -- at the cafeteria, asking what time it is on the street,   
   jokingabout a slow elevator, telling Amy he won't repeat anyone.  Asking   
   a stranger on the street if he can have mustard with that.  Confessing   
   to embezzlement to pay for his online gambling addiction.   
      
      
      
   David Gregory:   
   	- Walkout music is ``I Read The News Today (Oh Boy)'', one of   
   the Beatles' many songs that sounds beautiful until you hear what the   
   lyrics are, at which point you become horrified, although not so bad as   
   ``Run For Your Life''.   
   	   
   	- Karl Rove rapping: was this planned?  No.  He danced under   
   duress.  There was this ``Whose Line Is It Anyway'' bit with Rove   
   rapping, and he was embarrassed but at least not involved, and then they   
   pulled him, Ken Strickland (a producer), and Rove up on the stage, and   
   he thought, this will not go well.  It's disturbing footage, but turned   
   out well?  Well, the first thing in the morning, he puts on some Marvin   
   Gaye.  Ken and he were initially horrified, but as Rove continued to   
   behave that way, nobody was paying attention to them, except the   
   President, who *was* paying attention.  At the next press conference   
   Bush started ribbing him about his dancing.  Bush called him ``dancing   
   man'', which he tried to shut down.  He was used to being tried to be   
   thrown off a bit, so he kept forward to serious questions.   
   	   
   	- He's hung out with Bush in informal sessions.  Bush the   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)