From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   Max is:   
   	- Doing insincerity so quickly and efficiently.   
      
      
   Conologue:   
   	- President Bush is working on immigration; he inspected an   
   unmanned plane used to patrol the Arizona border.  They found six   
   Mexicans inside.  Ryan Seacrest and Simon Cowell visited an impoverished   
   African village for the kids; the kids asked what's the freaking deal   
   with Sanjaya.  Despite repeated requests, George Michael will never be   
   part of a reunion from Wham!  The repeated requests for a reunion come   
   from the other guy from Wham!  Arnold Schwarzenneger will appear on Pimp   
   My Ride, great news for fans of the show, but bad news for the guy who   
   does the closed captioning.  Then he eats a sausage.  One of the Deal or   
   No Deal suitcase models has an IQ of 158 and is a Mensa member.  Conan   
   thinks it's the one who keeps bursting into tears and screaming, ``Good   
   Lord, what am I doing here?''  Kevin Federline celebrated his divorce by   
   going to a nightclub and throwing fake $50 bills in the air; he then   
   dove to pick them up.   
      
      
   Have The Band Make Controversial Statements:   
   	- Inspired by Don Imus.   
   	   
   	- Mark Pender: Portugese people should be allowed to eat, but   
   not every day.   
   	   
   	- Jerry Vivino: Old enough to walk?  Old enough to make boxes in   
   a factory.   
   	   
   	- La Bamba: You can't get a girl pregnant if you forget her   
   name.   
   	   
   	- Jimmy Vivino: Look Who's Talking II is the best movie ever   
   made.   
   	   
   	- Scott Healy: The President should be the guy with the highest   
   score in Grand Theft Auto.   
   	   
   	- Mike Merritt: Grave-robbing should be illegal if you're just   
   looking for watches.   
   	   
   	+ One gets the feeling he read his line wrong.   
   	   
   	- Max Weinberg: Who am I voting for next year?  Whoever makes it   
   legal for me to beat my landscapers.   
   	   
   	- Joel: You haven't solicited a gay prostitute if you've paid   
   him with Casino chips.  We're not playing Pathetic Lies I Start   
   Believing After Saying Them To Myself A Hundred Times?   
      
      
   Manatee Status May Change:   
   	- Manatees may be declared 'threatened' rather than 'endangered'   
   thanks to the population doubling.  Conan thinks it might be connected   
   to hornymanatee.com.  Can it be coincidence that right after they create   
   the best manatee sex site on the web manatees start having real sex?   
   The manatee keeps rubbing his fake nipples even after Conan clearly has   
   moved on.   
      
      
   Brian McCann doesn't hear things right:   
   	- Coming up is Martin Short.  You're thinking of Martin Sheen.   
   That's Martin Scorcese.  That's a short Martin Scorcese.  That's Pauly   
   Shore.  Let's move on.   
   	   
   	- Cheryl Heinz.  Not Sheryl Crow, Cheryl Heinz.  Why would I   
   have a bottle of ketchup as a guest?  Because it's delicious.   
   	   
   	- Tina Fay.  Not Rachel Ray, Tina Fay.  Not Xena, Warrior   
   Princess.   
   	   
   	- Ray Liotta.  Not Abe Vigoda.  You have weird problems with   
   rhymes.  Not mimes.  Not Limes.   
   	   
   	- They're coming up with Jeff Daniels.  Not Jack Daniels.   
      
      
      
   Jeff Daniels:   
   	- He lives in Michigan.  It's his first play in a dozen years.   
   There was a woman in the front row who was nodding off in previews.  Or   
   maybe she was dead.  He was hoping for that; it's excusable.   
   	   
   	- He was on 9th, there was this trash truck at the light.  The   
   driver recognized him, rolled down the window, and said 'Yo, Jeff   
   Daniels, I have yet to see you in something where you suck.'  Very nice   
   thing relatively.   
   	   
   	- He went to the Michigan Commission for the Blind to learn how   
   to act blind properly.  He stole shamelessly from them -- their   
   mannerisms, he means.  And he wears sunglasses ... he means ... the   
   audience is horrible people, very cynical.  So you stole from them and   
   then you *did* them.  That's nice.  He practiced trying to close his   
   eyes and go through as much of the day as possible.  You hear more and   
   such; you can get through the day without seeing.  He watched Late Night   
   blind, an interesting process.  Late Night's funnier watched blind.   
   You'd think Conan, being handsome and funny-looking, would be increasing   
   his comic value by being seen.  So he can lose the Jimmy Neutron show.   
   Or could try a show completely blacked out.   
   	   
   	- Winnipeg is like Buffalo with communists.  Very flat.  You can   
   watch your dog running away for two days.   
   	   
   	- Dumb and Dumber: the day before he did it three agents were   
   talking to him, two begging him to stop and not do it.  The other said   
   go ahead and do it.   
      
      
      
   Zoe Bell:   
   	- The clip had the real her on a real car going a real 80 miles   
   per hour.  If someone's coming at you with a car, what to do?  Lift your   
   feet when the car comes, try hopping, kind of as you'd imagine.  You can   
   jump fifteen feet and land in the passenger seat, then say, 'Nice try,   
   buddy.'   
   	   
   	- She started as Lucy Lawless's stunt double.  She did   
   gymnastics from when she was young, got into tae kwan do, kind of   
   stumbled into it.  Her father, a doctor, was treating someone injured in   
   a stuntman job, had a bump on the head; this got her talking her way   
   into the injury.  Conan loves that it was because he was treating   
   someone grievously injured from doing stunts.   
   	   
   	- In 70s shows stunt people were clearly male-dominated; any   
   woman doing a stunt would be clearly replaced by a 210-pound man in a   
   dress falling.   
   	   
   	- Has she ever had to defend herself against a man?  Once, in a   
   bar, when she was seventeen -- no, she was definitely 21 -- it was one   
   of those 17-year-old bars -- and a guy touched her.  It turned out she   
   knew him, he might have repeatedly stole wine from her friend's parents.   
    She lost her temper this time and socked him.  And then she realized   
   her sensei would be *so* angry with her, but people came around and   
   shook her hand, congratulating her for something they'd been wanting to   
   do for decades.  Conan would be going 'Check out fire-arm!' if he   
   managed that.   
   	   
   	- She was in the Kill Bill movies.  She thought Quentin   
   Tarantino wanted her in a cameo role; when he showed her the script, she   
   realized she was gravely mistaken, and she'd have to actually rehearse   
   and do dialogue and act.  She thought it was risky; for all he knew, she   
   could be terrible.  He was confident in his choice.  ``Not a problem,   
   I'm brilliant, remember?''   
   	   
   	- It's interesting getting recognized.  She couldn't get her   
   bracelets off, causing problems at the Los Angeles airport.  A security   
   guard knew her name.  They were responding well to her.  She's not used   
   to reviews of her work (``that was such a mediocre fall off a 15-story   
   building; she's still alive, she should've been killed'').  Reviewers   
   have been surprisingly positive.   
      
      
   Late Night in San Francisco:   
   	- Sneaking up on the logo would go over well on the radio.  San   
   Francisco is an intelligent show; so they won't be doing dumb, arbitrary   
   humor that's a waste of everyone's time.  Isn't that right, oscillating   
   air purifier that looks like Slash?   
      
      
   The Alternate Routes:   
   	- From Bridgeport, Connecticut; nobody rocks it like Bridgeport.   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)