From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   String Dance!   
   Max is:   
   	- Very smooth.  Max practiced all day.   
      
      
   Conologue:   
   	- Hillary Clinton will now meet with the Rutgers Women's   
   Basketball team.  Bill Clinton will meet with their swimming,   
   volleyball, and gymnastics teams.  Don Imus thanked Bigelow Tea for   
   sticking by him; he wanted to thank them for their loyalty by publicly   
   linking them to racism one last time.  Simon Cowell said Sanjaya's   
   performance wasn't horrible; he was just being nice, since he said Paula   
   Abdul looked sober and Ryan Seacrest seemed very manly.  Scientists have   
   located the gene that cuases obesity; his name is Gene Millman and he's   
   the inventor of Krispy Kreme doughnuts.  One of the Deal or No Deal   
   Suitcase Models is a member of Mensa and has a 158 IQ; it started at   
   258, but every episode it dropped by ten.  Parents in Illinois are upset   
   a DVD has surfaced showing the school principal having sex with the   
   science teacher for two hours.  It only lasted five minutes, but since   
   it was in science class it *felt* like two hours.  Carmen Electra agreed   
   to host a TV show where women wrestle each other naked.  It's one of   
   several format changes in store for the new season of This Old House.   
      
      
   It's Max Weinberg's Birthday!   
   	- Also of some woman in the audience.  Thomas Jefferson's too,   
   but he's not a *celebrity*.  Soul singer Al Green.  Conan's is the 18th,   
   along with James Woods.  Max isn't doing anything about it.   
      
      
   Best of Don Imus on MSNBC Retrospective:   
   	- He eructs various ways.   
      
      
   Cringe in Terror: The Evil Puppy is here.   
   	- The druid to his right is wearing Lenscrafter glasses.  You   
   want to pet him and cuddle him (the puppy), but he'll steal your soul,   
   and then pee on it.   
      
      
   Aaron Sorkin's New Show Promo:   
   	- Studio 6A on the 6th Floor of Rockefeller Plaza.  With Liev   
   Schreiber as Conan O'Brien.  Bob can't write fat jokes while people are   
   starving; he's fired.  Except the janitor.  Now he's the head writer.   
   With Conan O'Brien as Network Executive Jake Tamblin.  He cuts a Britney   
   Spears joke.  Conan's the best, but the country is at war, and we can't   
   have our celebrities mocked.  His assistant will send over   
   network-approved Celine Dion jokes -- she's Canadian.  There was no   
   clip; why did he lie?  Because he didn't like Conan.  Conan breaks up   
   with a woman who doesn't support banning cop-killer bullets.  David   
   Letterman needs to borrow money.  Mister Nakashiita wants ten minutes on   
   the show promoting undetectable landmines.  Their laughing is subtitled.   
    A show with conviction (the masturbating bear).  Do you know why?   
   Because that's all he's got left.  It's his last vestige of   
   independence.  The Britney Spears joke stays, regardless of feelings   
   about gay marriage.  Queen Elizabeth is on line two.  Sleep, my   
   temperamental genius, sleep.  Finally, a show about comedy that's not   
   funny.   
      
      
      
   Ray Liotta:   
   	- He stares at Conan; is the furniture moved?  He loves   
   Spongebob Squarepants and dreams of being on the show.  He's done it.   
   He lead a gang that got mad at Spongebob because he was blowing bubbles.   
    He'd come in and say, ``Stop blowing BUBBLES!''  His daughter met the   
   voice-actor, they did their voices, her daughter told him to be funnier.   
    Spongebob was more difficult than Scorcese.   
   	   
   	- He wasn't that into acting.  Or into college.  He walked out   
   on his boards.  He went to the University of Miami when you just needed   
   a pulse; liberal arts still required some math and history, but theater   
   major was easier.  His musical theater experience was seeing Pippin   
   once.  He forgot the song, the words, he had the sheet music and didn't   
   know you needed it memorized.  He didn't realize the pianist needed the   
   sheet too.  They said he was supposed to dance at the audition; all he   
   knew was to do The Freddy, from Freddy and the Dreamers.  Max will do   
   the Freddy tonight in front of a mirror in his boxers.   
   	   
   	- For Wild Hogs he's covered in tattoos.  It took and hour and a   
   half to put on, and you had to wear sleeveless shirts.  You act and move   
   differently.  Conan's not so intimidating with his freckles.   
      
      
      
   Pierre Bernard's Recliner of Rage:   
   	- He's a fan of anime.  At a convention he encountered seven   
   young women known as the Babes of Anime.  They do voice-over work for   
   Trinity Blood and Bubblegum Crisis (among others).  He's attracted to   
   Celia and Meimei, who appear unannounced in his dreams.  Then he learned   
   of the Anime Network.  He could listen to their voices and watch his   
   Babes of Anime network.  But no East Coast cable channel carries it.   
   And Cartoon Network is cutting back on cartoons for live-action   
   nonsense.  Bottom line: East Coast cable channels should carry the Anime   
   Network.   
   	   
   	- Conan's sure there are at least one or two other people in the   
   world who know exactly how he feels.   
      
      
   Mary Lynn Rajskub:   
   	- She's on the cover of Geek magazine.  Conan didn't know if it;   
   he's surprised he wasn't asked to participate.  She's single; dating is   
   a lot of pressure.  In college she dated a guy she wasn't that attracted   
   to, but she didn't want to let him down, so she got engaged to him.  Now   
   she dates people she's not attracted to, but she cuts them off after the   
   third date, usually in a public place, blurting out ``I'm not feeling   
   it!''  The one she tried it on wrote back a 40-page e-mail explaining   
   why they should; she wrote back an 80-page e-mail.  But it took a lot of   
   time, so she added things like her screenplay and talk about Oprah   
   magazine, and she gave him her dog, to let him down easily.   
   	   
   	- She was invited to the Playboy mansion.  Her friend/therapist   
   will be in a Playboy photo shoot; it's a bit intimidating to go to   
   therapy with her, being so hot and naked.  There's a grotto, a petting   
   zoo, naked people.  Did she want to sign in?  You don't sign your name;   
   they take a picture of your private area and that's how you sign in.   
   She didn't want to do that.  (She doesn't get to just move on from   
   that.)  Scott Baio asked if she knew bacon was an aphrodisiac; she said,   
   ``No, Scott, I didn't know that.''  She had a few drinks and then *did*   
   want to 'sign' the book.  it turns out her `Secret Garden' is very   
   photogenic, and she was complimented on he beautiful vagina.  So now her   
   vagina will be in Playboy on somebody else's body.  That cleared all   
   Conan's passages.  Happy birthday, Max!   
      
      
   Joseph Arthur and the Lonely Astronauts:   
   	- From 'Let's Just Be': I expect it's Diamond Ring.  Reasonably   
   pleasant song; it did feel kind of like everything I remember hearing on   
   FM radio from 1978 through 1987, but that's not a bad thing in my ears.   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)