From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   Max is:	   
   	- ``Good to see you'' doesn't really get a ``thank you''.   
      
      
   Conologue:   
   	- Valentine's Day tomorrow, surprising guys in the   
   audience. Laura Bush says President Bush always forgets it.   
   Unless a holiday has a bunny or a flying reindeer ...   
      
   	- Mitt Romney's running for President; they found some   
   people who care.  He would be the first Mormon President.  He   
   hopes to win the soccer mom vote by marrying all of them.   
      
      
   	- Cuba restricts Internet use because it's a wild new   
   technology, like the 8-track, typewriter, and Tupperware.   
      
   	- A Qantas flight attendant was having sex in the   
   bathroom with Ray Finnes.  She misunderstood when he said he   
   wanted hot nuts. (Rimshot.)   
      
   	- Conan's mailing these to the New York Times.  Star   
   Wars fans can buy $120 replicas of Yoda's light sabre, or could   
   lose their virginity.   
      
   	- Britney Spears got a letter from a rabbi that told   
   her to wear underwear, or at least put a yarmulke on that   
   thing.   
      
      
   Britney Spears:   
   	- She's been in New York City hotspots with no sign of   
   her kids. Max is disgusted she left behind her uncovered   
   vagina.   
   	   
      
   Navy's Trained Dolphins:   
   	- To fight terrorism.  No, really.  Marine mammals play   
   a big part in the show.  Audience is screened by the Late Night   
   Whale, who found a gun.  The 8th most realistic whale they can   
   afford.   
      
      
      
   Norbit:   
   	- Main attraction seeing Eddie Murphy playing multiple   
   roles. Joel is unimpressed.  He plays Moongazer, hippie   
   cameraman; Moses Sigelman, accountant; Jeff Rutherford, tennis   
   pro; Aunie Sassafrass with the catchphase ``Don't you pay me no   
   mind, sugar child.''   
      
      
      
   Journal of Neuroscience:   
   	- Male sweat has a chemical boosting sexual arousal in   
   women. It's a problem for Pierre Bernard, who doesn't get to   
   sweat much.  They try him out on Claire Bodun, research   
   assistant.   
      
   	- She's not attracted to him in the least.  They get   
   out a stationary bike for Pierre.  She leaps into the arms of   
   the grip who brings out the bike.  Pierre begs her to come   
   back.  He's ALONE.  He pedals more.   
      
      
   Eva Longoria:   
   	- There's a man who pulls the curtain out.  They used   
   to use a motivated rabbit.  He waved at her at something or   
   other; her fiancee *scowled*.  She's learned bits of French,   
   mostly food-oriented.   
      
   	- Conan's intimidated by people who speak real French.   
   She'll have the bluh-bluh-bleh, showing how hard she studied.   
   	   
   	- She got a wine that turned out to cost three thousand   
   dollars, to her horror.  She didn't like it until she noticed   
   the price.   
   	   
   	- Her fiancee plays pro basketball.  She's almost got   
   into fights with people who're mean to her and yell how he   
   sucks, hurting his feelings.   
      
   	- Her dad hunts and makes his own bullets, like   
   MacGyver.  They used to steal the bullets' gunpowder and makes   
   little bombs, so that's why the Federal government is looking   
   for her.   
      
   	- There's rumors on the Internet; she hates the   
   Internet.  Rumor she would make a lesbian movie with Beyonce.   
   It even showed up on CNN.   
      
   	- Neither of them knew anything about it.  He'd donate   
   some money for it.  He's got a title.  'The Greatest Movie Ever   
   Made.'   
      
   	- She saw a rumor that she bought nineteen thousand   
   dollars of stuff at Harrod's.   
      
   	- She's having her fun plot twists on Desperate   
   Housewives.  They shot around that woman who's having twins,   
   including redecorating her house to make it the set and shoot   
   her at home.  She didn't know they could do that.   
      
   	- Eva would be glad to work from home.   
      
      
   New Sponsor:   
   		- Ahoy, Kids!  Spongebob's Malt Liquor.  The same drink   
   that makes Spongebob so cheery.  Betcha can't finish two!   
      
      
   Fred Willard:   
   		- He's got a purple suit and blue socks; he's a Batman   
   villain.   
      
      
   	- His grandson Freddy's nine and a fan; he watches by   
   Tivo.  He wondered if Conan is asleep when his own show comes   
   on.  He usually is awake, but doesn't watch; he finds himself   
   cloying and disgusting.   
      
   	- New York City's changed; his billfold was stolen   
   recently, but -- without the money -- was mailed back to him,   
   with a smiley face sticker on it.  Ten years ago they wouldn't   
   have.   
      
   	- A flasher on the Subway had a little ``Happy   
   Valentine's Day'' heart on the end of his member.  This morning   
   he heard a man yell ``Stan!  I made love to your wife last   
   night and she was terrific!''   
      
   	- She really wasn't, but Stan is such a nice guy ...   
   His wife's more romantic.  Her last boyfriend proposed to her   
   on the Madison Square Garden Jumbotron, and she agreed, though   
   Fred protested they were already married.  ``Well, he needs   
   me.''   
      
   	- He was at the William Shatner roast.  A minister was   
   impressed by this; they're working on a roast of Jesus.   
      
   	- Fred's working on a story about John the Baptist's   
   beheading. The punch line is something about heads-or-tails.   
      
   	- `For Your Consideration' is improvised, but it's very   
   tightly blocked out and it's carefully supervised and it's a   
   lot of Second City people.   
      
   	- He did find one spot where defying the improvisation   
   rule to not tell jokes, he used ``Well, you know what they say   
   about blind prostitutes, you really have to hand it to them.''   
   He doesn't know which clip it is.   
      
   	- With his movie haircut his wife was upset: they   
   couldn't leave the house for six months.   
      
   	- He was looking forward to seeing the Interrupter.   
      
   	- The Interrupter rifled through his wallet/billfold.   
   He spent the money on airplane glue and Korean pornography.   
   It's a common interest.   
      
      
   Lila Allen:   
   	- 'All Right Still': When I See You Smile, perhaps?   
   Reasonably pretty song, although I didn't get the feeling that   
   it had much of a flow to it.   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)