From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   	As I'm late I won't bother breaking this up into manageable   
   post lengths.   
      
      
   Max is:   
   	- Not seeming enthused, and he works there.  The crowd didn't   
   agree they'd have a good time until one guy said 'I think we will'.   
      
      
   Conologue:   
   	- JetBlue has apologized; its president introduced a Passenger   
   Bill of Rights, including the rights to fly Delta and United.   
      
   	- The White House denied that the Iraq War is the worst foreign   
   policy mistake in US history; they point out Bush still has two more   
   years in office.   
   	   
   	- Bush spoke with the prime minister of Australia on the phone.   
   When the Prime Minister told him it was tomorrow in Australia Bush's   
   head exploded.   
      
   	- Barry Bonds has a security guard in spring training; he needs   
   him to pee in a cup for him.   
   	   
   	- Spike TV is doing a reality TV show for amateur detectives to   
   try solving real crimes, for the reassuring 'Your loved one is dead, but   
   don't worry, Gary Coleman is on the case.'   
      
   	- Britney Spears showed up at a club wearing a blonde wig; to   
   not be recognized, she wore underwear.   
      
   	- For the record, I've spent more time stuck on a United plane   
   on the tarmac at Chicago waiting to take off to fly to Newark than I've   
   spent flying *from* Chicago to Newark.  Altogether too often they try to   
   amuse us by playing the 'Starsky and Hutch' movie.  I will not be flying   
   from Chicago to Newark any more.  One could argue I barely was.   
      
      
   Sirius Satellite Radio and XM Satellite Radio Merger Small Talk Moment:   
   	- Max is excited, for things like Mojo Nixon.  I'm vaguely   
   interested in satellite radio since they've got old-time radio and I   
   rather like Fibber McGee and Molly, Lum & Abner, and particularly Fred   
   Allen.  Conan likes Musical Star Streams.   
      
      
   Ways for Britney Spears to look Weirder:   
   	- Michael Jackson nose and Angelina Jolie lips.  She's a blade   
   runner.   
   	   
   	- African lip plate and neck rings.   
   	   
   	- Shave her teeth into sharp points.   
   	   
      
   The New La Bamba:   
   	- He's better-shaved than yesterday.  Jerry puts on the Salvador   
   Dali moustache, the 70s Porn Star moustache, Charlie Chaplin, and of   
   course the Hitler, which gets booed (booing Hitler is the understatement   
   of the century -- ``That guy ruined the 20th century!''  ``Don't worry,   
   I got it.  Boo!''), and a Mentos sticker.   
      
      
   Mark Pender wrote a song to tell Britney how he feels:   
   	- It was not too long ago, that you were my fantasy, now yoy've   
   shaved all of your hair, and you look like a female me.  Oh, Britney, I   
   hate to say, but I've got to put you on the shelf, 'cause thinking about   
   you that way is like masturbating to myself.  Oh, Britney!!!!!  Why do   
   you have to look like me?   Oh baby baby baby baby baby Britney yah!   
   (Shiminiy shiminy hey hey.)  Shiminiy shiminy hey hey.  ( Shiminey   
   bababababy.)  Shiminey bababababy.  Shimini ... oh, it's all scatting,   
   just accept it.   
   	   
      
   Conan's Cue Card Guy is running slow:   
   	- Conan jokes it's like waiting for a jetBlue plane.  A jetBlue   
   pilot argues about it; kicking a guy (well, a company) when he was down.   
    For the cheap joke Conan's lost a fan.  He said he was leaving and he's   
   leaving.  He'll be leaving any second.  He's leaving soon.  He's going   
   up the aisle.  He offers some potato chips.  He'll be leaving shortly;   
   there was a little miscommunication.  He knows Conan has a choice of   
   people to offend and drive out of his studio and he thanks Conan for   
   choosing jet Blue.  He'll leave in about 13 hours.  A pilot for   
   Southwest Airlines leaves now, and he means now.  The show's brought to   
   us by Southwest Airlines.   
   	   
      
   Heather Graham:   
   	- She likes Conan's Woody Woodpecker hair.  She had braces, with   
   the head-wrapping things.  She passed it off as being cool; Conan could   
   never pull that off.   
      
   	- He didn't manage cute; he was beaten up around the clock and   
   some more.  'Is that why you became so funny?'  'Thank you very much.   
   No.'   
   	   
   	- She went scuba diving in shark waters.  A woman she was with   
   wanted to go in a tank and be attacked.  This wasn't like that.   
   	   
   	- There was this guy feeding a small shark a fish head with his   
   bare hands.  Is there advice for if sharks attack?  She was told to   
   stare at them.  They were having fun at her expense.   
   	   
   	- They were watching Jaws the night before.  'Let's watch Jaws,   
   then throw blood in the water, then jump in the water with the sharks   
   and make funny faces at it.'  Conan's level of adventure is to go to the   
   aquarium, look at the smallest fish for a while, then eat a big pasta   
   dish.   
   	   
   	- She described a kiss with Bridget Moynihan (sp?) to a reporter   
   as 'pretty good' and Bridget was upset about being only 'pretty good'   
   and text messaged her about this krunk.   
   	   
   	- She's talking up how Bridget is the best kisser ever.  Conan   
   said he'll find out.  Or she's taunting him.  She thinks Conan kissing a   
   guy would be hot; Conan points out how nobody agreed with her on that.   
   She's hoping this movie will get her attention; she hasn't got much from   
   guys, so why not from women?   
   	   
   	- There was a rating flap.  In the movie she falls in love with   
   her brother's wife, and they have a fantasy scene with her topless, and   
   they fought over a PG-13 rating.  Conan agrees, there should be more   
   bare breasts.  Breasts on Nickelodeon.  Now the audience is with him.   
   	   
   	- He doesn't agree there should be more male nudity as the male   
   body is disgusting.  Well, his is.  We'll talk later.  She probably   
   won't.  He'll call to talk about his body; she'll hang up.   
   	   
   	- Her dress fell off and Conan had a heart attack.   
      
      
   Lewis Black:   
   	- He's not gonna kiss Conan.  The Anna Nicole Smith thing   
   depresses him; she had more of a life than three of them, but it bumped   
   the astronauts story.   
   	   
   	- He wants to see Lisa Nowak and company.  Everyone has someone   
   they would obsess with, but we stop.  What made her think she must put   
   on the Depends *now*?  What was the cracking point?   
   	   
   	- Why is it so unseemly for astronauts, are they like priests?   
   They go to the Moon, searching for something even greater than love,   
   something you can't see or feel ... He always thought astronauts didn't   
   have genitals.  Conan hadn't thought about it that much.   
   	   
   	- He got a comedy album Grammy, but the award was bumped off the   
   TV show.  It's in the little Grammies, at a buffet in Los Angeles   
   somewhere.  After seventy Grammies get listed you wonder if they mean so   
   much anymore.  He was around number 72.   
   	   
   	- He wasn't prepared since he figured the other guys were much   
   funnier.  He went into shock when he was called; his blood sugar   
   dropped, he figured he needed to eat.  He got on stage and didn't know   
   what to say.   
   	   
   	- He had a very nice piano teacher, but she had arthritis, and   
   her house smelled like death.  (One of the Glade scents now.)  He took   
   six years of lessons; he can play the first three notes of 'Cast Your   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)