From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   Where I Left My Heart -- And My Pants!  (I wondered how long it'd take   
   them to do a 'left my heart' joke, and 'pants' is the obvious word to   
   use there.)   
      
   	+ You know, it was really good back when Joel had a joke or   
   two   
   in the opening credits.  I hope they use this as pretext to resume   
   doing   
   that for the regular show.   
      
   More signs, as Conan plays on the Golden Gate Bridge.  S F [ Heart ] C   
   O   
   N A N; Rice a Conan, The San Francisco Treat, I [ Heart ] La Bamba.   
   Standing ovation.  A beach ball gets tossed up on stage; Conan kicks   
   it   
   over the bridge.  Somebody throws panties on stage; Conan turns them   
   over to La Bamba.   
      
   Conologue:   
   	- On the bright side, they lasted one more night than the   
   Mavericks did.  When people asked him how he got to the theater -- I'm   
   not Federal Express now -- he walked down Market Street, till he got   
   scared, then it's another four blocks.  When you get stabbed you know   
   you've arrived.  Last night he apologized to Mayor Newsome for all the   
   jokes made, and the make-up sex was great.  The first Republican   
   debate   
   was held at the Reagan Library, and the candidates tried to distance   
   themselves from Bush.  Apparently the first step in distancing   
   yourself   
   from President Bush is appearing at a library.  (Conan for President!)   
      
   The bay-to-breakers race is this month; some participants will run   
   naked.  The race began after the 1906 earthquake when someone said,   
   'Now   
   that my house has been destroyed I'd like to see some booby.'  (It   
   looks   
   like a joke, but sadly isn't.)  Orlando Sepeda was arrested after   
   police   
   found marijuana in a syringe. Apparently someone has to teach Sepeda   
   how   
   to use marijuana correctly.  Golden State beat the Mavericks.  Barry   
   Bonds is closing in on Hank Aaron.   
   	   
   NBC is working on a baseball made-for-TV movie.  The casting:   
   	- Barry Bonds: Gary Coleman.   
   	   
   	- Mark McGwire: Danny Bonnaduci.   
   	   
   	- Victor Conte, president of Valco: James Lipton.   
   	   
   	- Jose Conseco: Cher.  (Hah!)   
   	   
   	- Sammy Sosa: Shrek.   
   	   
   	- Babe Ruth: Rosie O'Donnell.   
   	   
   	- Bud Selig: Steven Hawking.   
   	   
   	- George W Bush: Patrick from Spongebob Squarepants.   
      
      
   String Dance!   
      
      
   Intel Headquarters:   
   	- They have a sign on the floor saying where to stand if you   
   want to photograph the Intel sign.   
   	   
   	- Don, senior marketing manager, is to take them.  Conan loves   
   the color, the grey going nicely with the grey and the grey floor.   
   Conan is stunned by the cubicles.  They try for a similar working   
   environment, making people feel that they're basically all the same,   
   there's no individuality, there's no hope.  H10: the thing from a   
   parking garage.  They try to map general areas.   S people know   
   general   
   areas.  And that's better than flowers.   
   	   
   	- Conan steals pens and baked goods.  He puts them in   
   different   
   places.  He introduces B10 to C10, and recommends lunch in C9.  A   
   chair   
   asks to not be removed form this cubicle; he takes it.   
   	   
   	- There's a hierarchy in the cafeteria.  There's the chess   
   players table, which talks to no one unless they have to.  Conan more   
   likes Hungry Hungry Hippos.   
   	   
   	- Kavon(?) is a manager where they make chips; it has to be   
   clean.  Conan carries this tube of dryer lint ... it's pretty well   
   taped.  Is it making him nervous?  Conan needs hairnets; they look   
   like   
   Laverne and Shirley.  He has no idea what Conan's talking about.   
   Conan   
   needs large gloves ;he has large hands, ladies.  Conan gets into his   
   bunny suit.  Kavon's in the stretching poster, showing ways to wriggle   
   his hands around.  Conan can look in the chip's microscope.  They walk   
   down the hall and Conan cold-cocks someone.  Conan punches buttons to   
   set off alarms.  People run out.   
      
   	- Intel has a museum.  There's a group of second-graders   
   visiting.  Was it their first choice for a field trip?  Noooooo.  The   
   sterile environment where they make the chips, that's exciting?  Aaah.   
      
   In 1987 the 80C186 embedded process and the SMT package area   
   announced;   
   the kids are excited.  You kids want a fun life? He shows them a   
   cubicle.  They can say 'cubicle'.  And 'confined space'.  And   
   'lifeless   
   environment'.  Can you say 'honey, I have to stay very very late   
   again,   
   Intel is giving me work and work and work again, and they won't put   
   pretty colors on the wall, and I wanna come home but I can't come   
   home,   
   I ..  something about floss and falling out the window.'  the kid   
   needs   
   counseling.  They play Hungry Hungry Hippos, and start dancing in the   
   break room.   
      
      
   Sam Wo's Restauarant.   
      
      
   A story:   
   	- A few years ago the Walker, Texas Ranger lever was a   
   success.   
   They thought it was over.  Recently he learned early in his career   
   Chuck   
   Norris made 'Slaughter in San Francisco' (or 'Massacre a San   
   Francisco')   
   ... Norris has tried keeping it out of the country, but now they have   
   a   
   'Slaughter in San Francisco' lever.  This could damange Norris's   
   ability   
   to sell home gyms on late-night television, so he won't pull it.  He   
   tips over on it.   
   	   
   	- 'I like having Chinese friends around me ... I only know two   
   kinds of people, those who obey me, and those who die.'   
   	   
   	- Norris orders the kung fu to stop, and takes off his shirt.   
      
   	   
   	- You're so lovely.  I think you misunderstood; I'm not that   
   sort of girl.  Playing hard to get, huh?  Norris manhandles and   
   captures   
   her.   
   	   
   	- Kung fu fighting while Norris eats an apple.   
   	   
   	- Fountain spaz fighting.   
      
      
   La Bamba was invited to sing the National Anthem:   
   	- Before the Warriors game.   
   	   
   	- Here to take the apology, Baron Davis and Jason Richardson.   
   They toss out T-shirts.   
      
      
      
   Conan in Chicago:   
   	- Mister T and Conan ride the Chicago River; Mister T doesn't   
   remember things clearly.   
      
      
      
   Snoop Dogg:   
   	- He puts on a Conan hair foam hat.  Somebody takes a flash   
   picture.  Dogg is smooth; Conan needs to tone it down.  He was at the   
   Warriors game; he hooked up with a Mormon gang kid.  He's added much   
   to   
   the English language, any new words?  They tend to particulate and   
   triculate out of his mouth.  The nizzle: what is it?  It's a language   
   between us, the people.   
   	   
   	- He invented a car, the Snoop de Ville.  A barbecue, the   
   Snoop   
   de Grill.  And now a footlong hot dog: everyone loves hot dogs.  You   
   can   
   only get them at his snoopermarket.  He has a line of dog toys and   
   clothing.  Like a fake fur jacket for dogs.   
   	   
   	- Snoop Dogh's Hood of Horror: he looks blond in the movie.   
   He   
   needed to do something to get in character.  He likes scary movies;   
   scariest to him is police.   
      
      
      
   Tom Waits:   
   	- From Orphans, Brawlers, and Bastards: ``Ain't Going Down To   
   The Well'', I believe.  You know, Tom Waits looks like what you get if   
   you have Judge Harry T Stone cast as the Cryptkeeper.   
      
   	- Interview segment: What's the significance of the shovel?   
   His   
   family thinks he's a little imbalanced, but ... remember that sandwich   
   of the Virgin Mary?  This is a shovel from his fireplace and there's   
   the   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)