From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   Max Is:   
   	- Oddly professional.   
      
      
   Conologue:   
   	- The Senate held an all-night session; Clinton gave a speech at 4 am.  It   
   was the first time she gave a speech at that hour that didn't start ``Where   
   the [krunk] have you been?''   
   	   
   	- Bush announced he's launching a campaign to solve the Israeli/Palestinian   
   conflict.  Why?  ``It's fun to finally be working on a problem that I didn't   
   case.''   
   	   
   	- Nelson Mandela is starting The Elders, a group of retired global leaders   
   who'll tackle world conflicts.  It'll be like the Fantastic Four, but with   
   bladder problems.   
   	   
   	- Atlanta Flacon Michael Vic has been indicted for allegedly holding   
   dogfights on his property.  The NFL commissioner wondered why he can't just   
   shoot up a strip club like everybody else?   
   	   
   	- Nicole Richie says before she got engaged she only dated circumcised guys.    
   But now that she is engaged, it's Hello Foreskin!   
      
      
   Jimmy Vivino's out:   
   	- Glen Alexander's filling in.  His hat changes the feel of the show.   
      
      
   Clutch Cargo Donald Trump:   
   	- The Apprentice is back.  Trump had moved on to selling Trump Steaks.  Now   
   it's got a celebrity edition.   
   	   
   	- The whole world is happy.  It's the biggest story of the year.  iPhone and   
   Harry Potter are losers.  The Apprentice is like a Trump Steak: you can't keep   
   it down.   
   	   
   	- He's resurrected like that old-head Bible guy.  Jesus.  Only he doesn't   
   dress like a slob.  And he's got the sense to comb his hair forward when it   
   grows a foot long.   
   	   
   	- This is one of his best vague ideas ever.  He's going to combine reality   
   shows with something you never saw before on television: Celebrities!    
   ``Celebrity Apprentice''?  No.  ``Celebrity Apprentice.''  That's what I   
   said!  ``You're fired!''   
   	   
   	- Imagine Nichole Kidman and Kim Jong Il competing with Robert DeNiro and   
   Nelson Mandela to see who can sell more point-of-purchase jewelry at Dress   
   Barn!   
   	   
   	- He extended the olive branch to Rosie O'Donnel, and she ate it.  He wanted   
   it to be water under the bridge; she wanted it to be waffles under the   
   fridge.  He's offering two lifetimes and a Subway sandwich.  Next week one   
   lifetime and a bag of Skittles.   
   	   
   	- It won't affect Trump Steaks.   
   	   
   	- His wife Melanoma is starting to understand the language, and that when   
   people compliment Trump they're being sarcastic.   
   	   
   	- He's selling Trump Office Furniture.  At the store synonymous with wealth   
   and privilege: Staples.  He should've pointed at the chairs.  Actual genuine   
   faux-hogany and pleather.  They're all individually carried out of the Staples   
   stock room and hand-   
   dragged to the back of the loading dock where it's carefully shoved into thee   
   back of your hatchback by a fully-trained Puerto Rican guy.   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)