From: ddrewc@verizonSPAMBEGONE.net   
      
   For this rerun edition of the summary, I tried to fill in the gaps in the   
   description of Conan's spacey interview with Jeff Goldblum.   
      
   (Summary of summary: Conologue; San Francisco week announcement and related   
   comedy bit with ham-hocked guy; sexual harassment advisory featuring Max as   
   the designated perv; Senator Ted Kennedy Passed Out on a Beanbag, Redux;   
   rerun of Moriarty's Leprechaun Hat piece; seriously weird conversation with   
   Jeff Goldblum; Lenten comedy bit with Fathers DeCarlo and Kelly; a chat   
   with Ivanka Trump; and a mellow performance by Pete Yorn. With St.   
   Patrick's Day coming up over the weekend, there were a lot of references to   
   St. Pat's and Ireland in this episode.)   
      
      
   Max is:   
           - Celebrating St. Patrick's Day -- a big day at the Weinberg house.   
      
      
   Conologue:   
           - President Bush celebrated St. Patrick's Day by saluting prominent   
   Irish-Americans Sandra Day O'Connor, Tip O'Neill and Barack O'Bama.   
      
           - Tomorrow, New York City will have the St. Patrick's Day parade,   
   and this year, there's going to be 150,000 marchers. Not only that, there   
   will be 200,000 crawlers and 300,000 faller-downers.   
      
           - Economists are predicting that this year, on St. Patrick's Day,   
   consumers will spend $4 billion. Unfortunately, about $2 billion of it is   
   going to end up all over their shoes.   
      
           - Angelina Jolie officially adopted a Vietnamese orphan yesterday,   
   and she has named him Pax Thien. Jolie says that Pax Thien is Vietnamese   
   for "Number 32."   
      
           - This week, Court TV announced they are creating a new courtroom   
   show for Star Jones. So for the first time, Justice is glad that it's blind.   
      
           - True story: At a zoo in Louisiana, a female chimpanzee recently   
   got pregnant, even though all the male chimps had supposedly been fixed.   
   And now, paternity tests indicate that the father is a chimp named Conan.   
   Not only did they name a chimp after me, they botched my chimp vasectomy.   
      
      
   Walkover music: "Green Onions" by Booker T & the MG's.   
      
      
   Comedy bits:   
           - Conan reminds us of the San Francisco shows from April 30 - May 4   
   and repeats the web address where tickets can be requested. A loud-mouthed   
   malcontent in the audience complains that he can't use a computer to get   
   tickets, ``not with ham hocks like these'' (holding up his hands). Conan   
   offers him tickets on the spot. The guy is not appeased -- he says that   
   Conan probably gave all the good tickets to his ``fancy show-biz friends   
   like Jaclyn Smith and Lou Dobbs.'' Conan gave the guy an extra ticket so he   
   could bring one of his friends. The malcontent says he doesn't have any   
   friends. The man seated next to him (Michael Koman) offers to be his   
   friend, but the guy tells him to shut up and cold-cocks him. Conan tells   
   the guy to calm down, but the guy won't -- ``I got a ticket to 'Frisco!''   
   -- and charges out of the studio. Conan wonders how long the recipient of   
   the punch is going to stay unconscious, now that the sketch is over.   
      
           - In response to the news of an "American Idol" contestant sexually   
   harassing a show employee, Conan talks to the TV audience about the problem   
   of sexual harassment in the workplace. Meanwhile, as he mentions ``obsessed   
   monster,'' ``lascivious, unrepentant sexual deviant'' and the like, the   
   camera keeps cutting to Max. At the end of Conan's spiel, we get an address   
   to which victims can write to report complaints, along with another   
   close-up of Max.   
      
           - For St. Patrick's Day, we again see Senator Ted Kennedy Passed   
   Out on a Beanbag (from yesterday's March Madness Mascots), only this time   
   he's wearing shamrock-patterned boxers.   
      
           - This is followed by a pretaped commercial for Moriarty's   
   Leprechaun Hat. In it, an Irish-American honors his forbears on St. Pat's   
   Day by wearing a brimmed hat made of green plastic. We see his drunken   
   misadventures in a bar. He is thrown out of the bar, stumbles, and vomits   
   into his hat, which he then places back into its box at home, so it can be   
   worn again next year.   
      
           - In the segue to commercial break, we see Conan in the audience   
   tickling a still-sleeping Koman, trying to wake him up.   
      
      
      
   Jeff Goldblum:   
           - Conan admires Jeff's cool, tinted glasses -- ``they look like   
   they're made of marzipan'' -- and tries them on.   
      
           - Jeff loves St. Patrick's Day. He asks how to complete a line the   
   Lucky Charms leprechaun supposedly said: ``I'll make a (blank) and sail   
   away.'' Audience guesses ``rainbow,'' ``doubloons,'' and ``raft.'' The   
   answer is ``boat.'' (Duh.) Conan bets Jeff fifteen cans of Guinness the   
   Lucky Charms guy never said it.   
      
           - In his show "Raines," he plays a detective who hallucinates. Did   
   he have any experience to draw on for this? Yes, in 1971 he took some   
   things... he doesn't think he hallucinated, but he would look at ordinary   
   objects and find them ``interesting and moving.'' He then says he finds   
   Conan fascinating, and there's a long silence as they stare at each other.   
   Jeff: ``Do you hear the quality of that silence?'' Conan: ``Yes, every   
   night in my monologue.''   
      
           - Conan admires Jeff's suave, calm way of gliding through life, a   
   quality that is mirrored in Jeff's character on "Raines." Jeff thinks Conan   
   also possesses a ``deep reservoir of calm'' beneath his hilarious exterior,   
   but Conan disagrees, describing himself as ``a frenetic monkey.... like a   
   bear on some kind of weird drug.'' They play a clip of "Raines."   
      
   Fadeout to commercial music: "Blue Monk" by Thelonious Monk.   
      
      
   Lenten Comedy Bit:   
           - A pair of priests, Father DeCarlo and Father Kelly, ask Conan   
   what he's doing to observe the season of Lent. Conan says he gave up eating   
   chocolate. The priests get on his case: ``Next year, you can give up smooth   
   peanut butter.... Why don't you give up putting your hands on yourself?''   
   Conan gets defensive, but before the priests can harass him further, Jesus   
   shows up and calls the priests away: ``Brannigan eating red meat on 6th   
   Avenue!'' Conan: ``Thanks a lot, Jesus. I owe you one.'' Jesus: ``You owe   
   me one. You all owe me one!''   
      
      
   Ivanka Trump:   
           - A former model, she is beautiful and tall, like Conan and Jeff.   
   She is currently on her father Donald's show, "The Apprentice: Los Angeles."   
      
           - She has long been interested in skyscrapers, recalling that when   
   she was six, she made a model of the Trump Tower out of her little   
   brother's Legos (Legoes?). A few days later, her father pointed out that   
   she put five setbacks in the architectural facade of the building, when   
   there are really only four.   
      
           - She likes to walk around the construction sites of her family's   
   building projects -- though not in high heels.   
      
           - She heard her father tell Larry King he would fire his children   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)