From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   	And I'm not bothering reformatting these things, since life is   
   just that short, but there you go.   
      
   4 April 2007 - Ice Cube, B J Novak, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah   
   Max is:   
   	- There, with the band, which is always there too.  2,400 shows   
   and they've always been here.   
      
      
   Conologue:   
   	- The President of Iran is freeing the British soldiers captured   
   as an ``Easter gift''.  As a bonus they'll throw in a case of   
   marshmallow peeps.  Rudy Giuliani says the press can attack him all they   
   want, but should lay off his wife.  He means this one; it's open season   
   on the first two.  The Vatican may canonize Pope John Paul II, who's   
   already credited with three miracles, including keeping Sanjaya from   
   being voted off American Idol.  A Spice Girls reunion concert may be in   
   the works (you're kidding) (nothing shocks him more in his life than   
   that), but the Spices are demanding ten million dollars, which was   
   thought up by the group's newest member, Delusional Spice.  His   
   apologies to that whole section, trapped a decade in the past.  Keith   
   Richards is saying he once mixed some of his father's ashes with cocaine   
   and snorted it.  You can read about it in Richard's new book, 101 Creepy   
   Ways To Make Your Coke Last Longer.  Zookeepers in Thailand have been   
   trying to get the pandas to mate, so have been showing videos of pandas   
   having sex.  Unfortunately, it hasn't worked; they now spend the whole   
   day masturbating.  A Sweden court has said (yaay!) (well, that explains   
   a lot now, doesn't it?) said a pair of heavy metal fans will not be   
   allowed to name their daughter Metallica.  The parents are upset, as is   
   their son, White Snake.  (The Swedes are paler than me!  Conan looks   
   like Ricardo Montalban next to them.)  Britney Spears told Kevin   
   Federline that he was the biggest mistake she ever made.  And remember,   
   he's talking to someone who shaved her head and exposed her vagina.  (Is   
   the guy two rows in front from Sweden, or just trying to get in on it?   
   They guy with the devil beard gives the metal fists.  He's a liar, but   
   the devil is always a liar, isn't he?  This is a really stupid show   
   tonight.)   
      
      
   Are they from Sweden, or from Sweden, New Jersey?   
   	- Finland's in the audience too!  What is going on?  Who booed   
   Finland?  What country are you from?  Oh, (New?) Jersey.   
      
      
   Bush's Press Conference:   
   	- Conan saw something frightening during the press conference.   
   In teh bushes is Cheney just ... staring.   
      
      
   Nancy Pelosi's in Syria:   
   	- She's covered her head with a scarf to fit in with local   
   customs.  (She looks like Rhoda's mom.)  It happens, though -- here's a   
   picture of Al Gore in Japan; Bill Clinton in Afghanistan; George W Bush   
   visiting Russia (in a sombrero).   
   	   
   	- Bush is angry on the grounds it's undermining Bush's policy;   
   Conan doesn't know, since he doesn't know much about Syria.  But Joel   
   knows about Syria!   
   	   
   	- Syria is a middle-eastern country the size of North Dakota,   
   with a population the size of Florida, or two Minnesotas and a New   
   Jersey.  The capital is Damascus, aneight-letter word roughly the size   
   of the word Doritos.  Syrian President Bashar a-Assad is roughly the   
   size of his step-brother Wayne, who was married to a woman roughly the   
   size of golfer John Daly.  His brainis roughtly the size of a walnut.   
      
      
   Clutch Cargo Keith Richards:   
   	- Hi Conezy-Ponezy.  He didn't really mix his father's ashes   
   with cocaine; he was misquoted.  There was no coke in there.  High grade   
   paternal booger sugar.  He doesn't know what his mother thought; he'd   
   already smoked her.  wrapped her in a tablecloth and puffed away.  He's   
   joking; actually, she was in a bong.  To take the edge off he rubbed   
   some liquid grandmom on his gums.  He advises kids not to take grandmom.   
    Conan's the sick one, having a little man on his desk ... you shrunk   
   his little head and have snakes coming out of it ... him and his Swedish   
   cohorts conspired ...   
      
      
   Ice Cube:   
   	- He had a tour around the country, but had to fire his bus   
   driver, who was getting drunk.  When the driver's higher than Snoop Dogg   
   ... spent too much time with Keith Richards ... He fired him himself,   
   though.   
   	   
   	- When he was a rapper, was it ever conceivable that he'd be in   
   G-rated kids' movies?  One of his band-mates is doing pornos now.  He's   
   seen the movies; very satisfying.   
   	   
   	- The more kids you have, the more you sound like your father;   
   they just suck the cook right out of you.  Conan saw Arnold   
   Schwarzenegger trying to deal with his kids, and suddenly, he wasn't the   
   Terminator anymore.  How do you keep the kids calm?  He lets them hang   
   out with Keith Richards now and then.   
   	   
   	- On XXX II, he and the director bumped heads a lot.  It was fun   
   to read in the paper he was arrested on Santa Monica Boulevard for   
   dressing like a transvestite ... Conan asks who the director was, if he   
   ever heard of him, if Alan ever heard of him ... and cut to Alan in   
   drag.   
   	   
   	- In 'Are We Done Yet', he has to battle a raccoon.  The raccoon   
   wins.   
      
      
   B J Novak:   
   	- Novak's a Massachusetts guy, from Newton.  His family has   
   Google News alert them to appearances of The Office in the news.  Mom   
   asked if she was in a Lakers-Celtics game; his picture was in the paper.   
    Just barely visible behind Jim Carrey.   
   	   
   	- Pete, the craft service guy, makes him laugh the most on The   
   Office set.  He explains all the food in terms of how it will affect   
   your sexual virility.   
   	   
   	- He's really into Easter candy, and will stock up.  Here's the   
   thing about Cadbury Eggs.  There's a weird, slow, groundswell for   
   Marshmallow Peeps.  Conan recognizes Cadbury Eggs a moment later.  Conan   
   was thinking about Sweden; how can he explain it to them?  He buys   
   blocks for the rest of the year.  He thinks they've been getting   
   smaller, not that he's grown much this year.  The Cadbury web site has a   
   disclaimer that no, they haven't gotten smaller, you've gotten bigger.   
   It makes him suspicious.  He figured he must have old Cadbury eggs.  He   
   found one from several years ago, and can compare to this years.   
   Indeed, they *have* gotten smaller.  Are there Cadbury commercials on   
   this show?  There are?  Conan laughs nervously.   
      
      
   Clap Your Hands Say Yeah:   
   	- From 'Some Loud Thunder': I'm guessing the title relates in   
   some way to Satan, which word constituted 40 percent of the lyrics by   
   weight.  I like the song, but I kind of blandly like Clap Your Hands   
   Say Yeah anyway, so that's not an insightful review.   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)