From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   Max is:   
   	- Creepy.  And staring.   
      
      
   Conologue:   
   	- The White House wants to appoint an official to oversee the   
   wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and direct the State Department and the   
   Pentagon.  This person would be called a ``President''.  Bush can return   
   to eating Crunchberries.  Nancy Pelosi is considering taking a trip to   
   Iran, and worse, when she gets back she's going fishing with Don Imus.   
   A producer has been fired from CBS News as Katie Couric taped a story   
   plagiarized from the Wall Street Journal.  People became suspicious when   
   they noticed Couric reading the story out of the Wall Street Journal.   
   (She even read the Marmaduke.)  The world's oldest living chimpanzee   
   turned 75 yesterday.  You can tell he's getting old; he's starting to   
   throw his feces underhand.  (That was his favorite one.)  (It doesn't   
   count when the applause starts from the band.  Help him out, he's   
   abusive when it bombs!)  Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie plan to buy a   
   240-foot yacht.  It'll be like Noah's ark, they'll have two orphans from   
   every country.  Jennifer Lopez appeared on American Idol, so for the   
   first time, Ryan Seacrest wasn't the biggest [ krunk ] on the show.   
      
      
   Rather than a Walkover:   
   	- Conan's carried to his desk by Fabio.  He's spun several   
   times, until Conan's ready to throw up.   
   	   
   	- What did he think of the Conologue?  ``I can't believe it's   
   not better!''   
   	   
   	- Max has never been carried by Fabio.  (Think hard, Max.  That   
   time in college, remember?)  (He's built.  Max is babbling.  Conan   
   stares awkwardly.  ``Whyn't you just marry him?''  This makes Max   
   vaguely sad.)   
      
      
      
   In The Year 2000: Tina Fey Carried By Fabio Edition   
   	- Scientists will give laboratory mice the ability to speak.   
   Their first words, ``How can we vote for Sanjaya''?   
   	   
   	- The movie Grindhouse will be such an unpopular disappointment   
   that it will be renamed The White House.   
   	   
   	- After identifying the father of Anna Nicole's baby people will   
   move on to more important matters, like global warming and how it   
   affects Anna Nicole's's baby.   
   	   
   	- Larry King will celebrate his 50th year in broadcasting at a   
   party hosted by his 51st wife.   
   	   
   	- A billionaire will pay $25 million to go into outer space,   
   giving him a mind-blowing view of all the countries that could have   
   desperately used $25 million.   
   	   
   	- Alberto Gonzales will dismiss eight more prosecutors from the   
   mock trial team at the high school where he coaches gym.   
   	   
   	- Ringling Brother and Barnum & Bailey Circus will be purchased   
   by the Wayans brothers and two Baldwin brothers, making the Wayans   
   Brothers, Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Baldwin & Baldwin & Bailey   
   circus.   
   	   
   	- Violence in America will decrease when workplace shootings are   
   outsourced to India.   
   	   
   	- Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad will win over world   
   opinion by securitng the release of Katie Holmes.   
   	   
   	- Kevin Federline will confirm rumors he's reconciling with   
   first wife Shar Jackson, stating Jackson has everything he looks for in   
   a woman: a couch and a vagina.   
   	   
      
      
   Tina Fey:   
   	- She was Fabio's first lady to carry.  At the 30 Rock time slot   
   most of the audience is watching Grey's Anatomy or the other shows.  She   
   wants to do a show like Grey's Anatomy with all real 55-year-old   
   Pakistani guys.   
   	   
   	- She had to follow news obsessively do to Weekend Update.  Does   
   she still keep up with the news?  No, she's gotten dumb.  Alec Baldwin   
   wanted to talk about Alberto Gonzales, who did something ... bad.  He   
   ... talked to a mouse?   
   	   
   	- She's got kids.  Alice is about the same as as one of Conan's.   
    Alice wants to watch TV, particularly Elmo.  Fey's as interested in   
   Sesame Street, and is obsessed with Sesame Street Old School, from the   
   first few seasons.  You remember this in the back of your brain.   
   Everyone had a super-huge Afro and a leisure suit.  It contains a   
   warning that it's for nostalgia purposes and may not be suitable for   
   modern kids.  They've learned things, like, no more ``Let's go into a   
   stranger's house'' or learning ``into'' by ``let's go into this sewer   
   pipe''.  ``Let's eat this house paint''.  She's to be on Sesame Street;   
   it's yet to air.  (It was 11 years ago.)  She was a pirate.  Her   
   daughter was amazed to meet Elmo; she's at the very accepting age about   
   reality, and never once looked at the person operating the Muppet.   
   There's a horrifying thing on Sesame Street.  Fey knows what it is.   
   Snuffleupagus is hung up in a corner, 20 feet up, looking dead, like he   
   was in Abu Grahib.   
      
   	+ It's not just kids who are very accepting of Muppets as real   
   living beings.  Puppeteers encounter that all the time.  Human beings   
   are *very* eager to anthropomorphize, and if something moves and talks   
   they'll pretty much accept it as alive.  As I recall, one of the times   
   Kermit the Frog was on Late Night, they had problems in the rehearsal   
   getting the audio set up because the microphone was focused on the frog,   
   rather than the puppeteer.   
   	   
   	- 30 Rock gets interesting cameos, like Ghost Face Killer (on   
   twice).  He's an old friend of Tracy Morgan.  They're from the same   
   neighborhood.  They haven't been able to pay him for it, because he   
   won't fill out his paperwork.  He'd get, like, $500.  They suggest he   
   might not want to fill it out for fear they'll learn his real name is   
   Leopold P Brenneman.   
      
      
   Duke, The Late Night Rescue Dog:   
   	- He always finds a way, a way to save the day.   
   	   
   	- Someone poured poison in his water mug?  He could've been   
   killed!  Good dog.   
   	   
   	- It's Duffy, our other Late Night dog, who's a little   
   distracted!   
   	   
   	- Duke set it up?  He has a hero complex and sets up fictional   
   emergencies?  Duke put the poison in his cup himself and you have proof?   
    (He does!  Duke is so darling in those lab glasses.)  Aw, Duke, bad   
   dog.   
   	   
   	- He keeps the mug in his dressing room ... Max gave Duke the   
   keys to his dressing room in exchange for a soothing temple massage?   
   And you have proof?  Max, what do you have to say for yourself?   
   	   
   	- That Duffy's a nosey [ krunk ].   
   	   
   	- And folks, rehearsal was worse.   
      
      
      
   Kevin Pollak:   
   	- Can't believe he didn't get carried out.  Fabio didn't have   
   time for him.  He participated in the William Shatner roast, as he's   
   been making fun of Shatner for twenty years.  They were watching the   
   'Rocket Man' clip, and Shatner said, he did a lot of [ krunk ].  Pollak   
   did Shatner's audition for Star Trek.  He thinks Shatner scared him.   
   After it was finished, Shatner said it was hilarious, and he hates you.   
      
   	+ Pollak deserves credit for creating the second-best William   
   Shatner impersonation (SCTV did it better, and sooner), but   
   unfortunately every dingbat who thinks he can impersonate Shatner is   
   really impersonating Pollak's impersonation, until you have people who   
   actually think Shatner speaks in over-enunciated pauses.   
   	   
   	- In Casino, they'd be in the middle of shots and DeNiro would   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)