From: ddrewc@verizonSPAMBEGONE.net   
      
   Max Is:   
      
         - Being sincere, which frightens Conan.   
      
      
   Conologue:   
      
         - Republican Senator Larry Craig, who recently pled guilty to   
   soliciting gay sex at an airport, now is also being accused of having oral   
   sex at a train station. When asked about it, Craig said, ``what can I say?   
   I love public transportation.'' (Note: technically, he pled guilty to   
   disorderly conduct.)   
      
         - Gay groups are calling Republican Senator Larry Craig a hypocrite   
   because Craig is a staunch opponent of gay marriage. Craig denied he's a   
   hypocrite, saying, ``Hey, I wasn't trying to marry the cop in the bathroom,   
   all right? I mean, unless he's interested.''   
      
         - Earlier today, Senator Fred Thompson, who of course is a former   
   star of "Law & Order," confirmed with his supporters that is running for   
   president. Then, afterwards, Thompson promised to solve the crisis in Iraq   
   by the end of the episode.   
      
         - Yesterday in Washington, a group of pranksters covered Karl Rove's   
   car with bumper stickers that read "I Love Obama." Rove laughed about it,   
   then had the pranksters murdered.   
      
         - Tourists in Florida are very upset because a gas station near   
   Disney World is charging $4.50 for a gallon of gas. The tourists were   
   furious and said, ``We shouldn't get ripped off until we're inside Disney   
   World.''   
      
         - In Mexico, a recent hurricane unearthed several cannons that are   
   more than 300 years old. When he heard about it, Larry King asked, ``By any   
   chance, did you also find a wallet?''   
      
         - (After the last joke, Conan does ``the international symbol for   
   Larry King'' by pulling on invisible suspenders and looping his fingers   
   over his eyes to represent spectacles. Next, he does the universal signal   
   for choking by putting his hand over his throat. Then he does a   
   two-fingers-as-mustache LaBamba impression, and finally he does all three   
   in series to represent Larry King choking LaBamba.)   
      
      
   Big Balls Airlines commercial:   
      
         - With the high rates of flight delays and cancellations over the   
   summer, they decide to re-air the commercial for Big Balls Airlines, seen   
   previously on the June 22 episode. Big Balls ``has the grapes to take off   
   in any situation.'' They have more crashes than any other airline, ``proof   
   that we're not a bunch of closet cases like those fairies over at   
   JetBlue.... Buy a ticket today. In fact, buy a pair.''   
      
      
   Actual Items:   
      
         - Ad showing men in swimwear. Caption: ``As seen in Clay Aiken's   
   dreams.''   
      
         - Ad for Depends undergarments showing a woman playing with a hula   
   hoop. Caption: ``Sadly, we told this lady she was doing an ad for hula hoops.''   
      
         - Ad for a voice-activated R2-D2 figure. Caption: ``Responds to   
   'Twirl,' 'Dance,' 'Play music,' and 'Go find me a girlfriend.' ''   
      
         - Ad for canes. Caption: ``Swing it wildly as death approaches.''   
      
         - Ad for double-hung replacement windows. Salesman in ad is saying,   
   ``And that ain't all that's double hung.''   
      
         - Ad for a Celine Dion concert. Caption: ``Sponsored by Al Qaeda.''   
   The audience response to this one fluctuated, Conan says, ``like a crazy   
   roller-coaster ride.''   
      
         + I wonder how Hillary Clinton and her supporters felt about that   
   last joke, since her campaign song is Dion's "You and I."   
      
         - Ad for a "Sesame Street" theme park showing the characters of the   
   show, including a photo of Ernie apparently strangling Bert from behind   
   with a rope.   
      
         - Ad for a rocking toy for kids in which a boy is mounted on the toy,   
   face down, with his rear end facing the camera. Caption: ``Invented by   
   Michael Jackson.''   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)