From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   Max Is:   
   	- Selling Conan on how thrilled he is to be here.   
      
      
   Conologue:   
   	- OJ Simpson: He was charged with 11 criminal counts including   
   kidnapping, robbery, and assault.  Afterwards he said, ``Wow, now I   
   really have done it all.''   
   	   
   	- After being formally charged Simpson was released on bail, but   
   had to surrender his passport and not leave the United States.  He said,   
   ``Let me get this straight: I can only kill people in this country?''   
   	   
   	- Jesse Jackson criticized Barack Obama, saying Obama acted like   
   he's white.  Obama said the comments were hurtful and ruined his night   
   at the Jimmy Buffet concert.   
   	   
   	- A private New York City school raised its tuition so high it   
   only has two students, and now it has only two categories: valedictorian   
   and dumb-krunk.   
   	   
   	- New Jersey is suing to prevent a coal power plant from opening   
   in Pennsylvania as it will pollute New Jersey.  Ironically, in New   
   Jersey coal pollution counts as fresh air.  Because, of course, New   
   Jersey is a cesspool.   
   	   
   	- A judge warned Britney Spears she could lose custody of her   
   children if she doesn't improve her condition.  She dared him to look   
   her in the vagina and say that.  Britney Spears is reckless.   
   	   
      
      
   Conan Creates A YouTube Video:   
   	- It combines last week's most popular video, the crying guy   
   defending Britney Spears, with this week's, the guy heckling John   
   Kerry's speech.   
   	   
   	- That's topical cutting-edge comedy based on real events.  They   
   don't waste time with pointless, dumb arbitrary humor.  Isn't that   
   right, Gorilla Nurse Using An Old-Fashioned Abdominal Exerciser While   
   Listening To ``Angel Of The Morning'' By Juice Newton?  Who's making a   
   rare return appearance for this sort of thing?  And appears to have her   
   head held on by a string?   
   	   
   	- They had to rent the old-fashioned abdominal exerciser, which   
   ran a good $80 or so.   
      
      
      
   Breaking News:   
   	- Simpson's leaving his toy house, he's driven to Al Cowling's   
   Fake Beard and White Ford Bronco Emporium.  He takes off, a trio of cop   
   cars glued together chase him.   
   	   
   	- He turns around, and his Bronco pulls out a giant knife.  He   
   chases the cop cars the other way.   
   	   
   	- He's put the knife away, is chased to a hot air balloon,   
   chased by five cops on a zeppelin.  This is a good, funny development.   
   	   
   	- (By simply staring and giggling Jeff Ross has communicated ...   
   ) He drives past Disneyworld, and goes to Murder World, goes past that,   
   he drives into a raft, boating to Cuba, and is eaten by a giant shark.   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)