From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   Jimmy Is:   
   	- So out of it right now.   
      
      
   Conologue:   
   	- The Knicks were found guilty of sexual harassment.  The Knicks   
   have to pay $11 million and Isiah Thomas has to keep coaching the   
   Knicks.   
   	   
   	- Bush is dumb.   
   	   
   	- Britney Spears, Kevin Federline setup.  The judge spent six   
   months looking for an Option C.   
   	   
   	- Hillary Clinton's campaign raised $27 million of the summer,   
   Barack Obama's raised $22 million, and Dennis Kuczynich found a nickle   
   in the couch cushions.   
   	   
   	- Larry Craig gay gay gay.   
   	   
   	- OJ Simpson says his Rolex is a fake but he offered to search   
   for the real Rolex.   
      
      
   James Wormworth:   
   	- He's not wearing shoes!  And Conan is disturbed that his pinky   
   toe leans in, the way mine does.  Jimmy's the brother with the weird   
   pinky Conan never had.  Alan Kalter keeps cutting away to it, prompting   
   Conan to demote him to Nickelodeon and the Green Ooze (sic).  ``How was   
   Conan?''  ``I ran away a minute into it!''   
   	   
   	- Challenged, he can do a drumroll; a rimshot (which Conan   
   could've  done); high hat/ bass drum/ high hat/ snare/ snare/ high hat;   
   rock solo; bongos; giant cymbals; the Wipeout solo on a rubber Zombie   
   head (Conan didn't see he had one); Fredericksburg Fox-Trot, which Conan   
   just made up so he's trapped Wormworth.  He knows what's coming.   
   	   
   	- Conan threatens to clear the area and fill it with a minty   
   foam.   
      
      
   Conan in the Tabloids:   
   	- He's had two tabloid mentions before: that he has high   
   cholesterol, and that he doesn't wash his hands after using the bathroom   
   (which didn't someone around afcob mention planting in the rumor mill?).   
    Both with the same picture of him looking sad.   
   	   
   	- New story in the National Enquirer: ``Standing patiently in   
   line with other tourists at Beachers, Seattle's famed handmade cheese   
   emporium, funny guy (thanks) Conan O'Brien was not amused when a hefty,   
   obnoxious drunk in shapeless sweats suddenly staggered to the front of   
   the line and bellowed, basso profundo, `Where's my cheese?'  As everyone   
   grumbled Conan tapped the lush on the shoulder and said, `Uhm, excuse   
   me, sir but you can't just butt into line like that.  We're all waiting   
   here.'  Instantly the burly intruder whirled, yanked up the top of the   
   sweaty suit revealing a brae of imposing breasts, yelling at bug-eyed   
   Conan, `Do I look like a guy to you?'  The talk-show host's kisser   
   turned the color of his hair (that's beautifully written) as the lady   
   grabbed cheese samples she'd called ahead for and caromed out of the   
   store.  Muttered Conan, `No, definitely not a sir, and how was *your*   
   week?' ''   
   	   
   	- Other than the fact that he's been in Seattle the whole story   
   is untrue, and everyone who knows him knows he's never been in a cheese   
   emporium.  Plus, it's not a good story.  Conan re-tells the story with   
   visual aids showing it lacks good story structure.  In the drawings the   
   guy ahead of him already has cheese and apparently wants it confirmed   
   that it is cheese.   
   	   
   	- Conan's improved story: ``I'm on line at Beachers Cheese   
   Emporium buying expensive handmade cheeses for local street children,   
   and I'm really incredibly built.  Giselle Bundchen begins seductively   
   blowing on my neck from behind because she shops for cheese in lingerie.   
    I tell Giselle I'm flattered but, sorry, I'm happily married.  Then   
   reigning heavyweight ultimate fighting champion Randy Couture enters the   
   store and tries to cut the line.  I politely alert Mr Couture to his   
   faux pas, and he challenges me to a fight, so I have no choice but to   
   oblige him.  At this point Giselle grabs me and says, `Now I MUST have   
   you!'  Losing patience I explain the sanctity of my marriage to Giselle   
   and she weeps uncontrollably.  Then I deliver a baby in the store.   
   Immediately afterwards I strangle Osama bin Laden with the umbilical   
   cord.  And finally I go to the bathroom and *don't* wash my hands.   
      
   	+ Excellent piece, done throughout very well.  Plays on   
   Conan's fears and obsessions in a good way.   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)