From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   Jimmy has:   
   	- That sexy sunburst guitar and no pants.   
   	   
   	   
   Conologue:   
   	- John McCain has been taking his 95-year-old mother along on   
   the campaign bus.  None of the other candidates are travelling with   
   mothers, but Bill Clinton is travelling with several MILFs.   
   	   
   	- Joe Torre quit after being offered a pay cut to $5 million a   
   year.  He said for that money you can't even get Yankees tickets.  Jerry   
   loved it.   
   	   
   	- The 12th International Clown Convention is being held in   
   Mexico City.  Mexican Clowns' most popular routine: stuffing thirty   
   clowns in a car and heading north to Los Angeles.  Conan discovers   
   honking his horn can be his hook.   
   	   
   	- FBI agents raided a Las Vegas warehouse owned by David   
   Copperfield and seized nearly two million dollars in cash.  Apparently   
   it's all in quarters Copperfield pulled out of people's ears.   
   	   
   	- Ozzy Osborne had to pay a hotel in Oregon $200,000 after   
   setting off fireworks indoors.  That may sound like a lot but it's only   
   a small fraction of his annual budget for indoor fireworks damage.   
   	   
   	- The FDA has issued a warning about erectile disfunction drug   
   Viagara, warning it causes hearing loss.  On the other hand, they've   
   found a hearing aid that causes erections.  LaBamba has a hearing aid,   
   which Conan didn't know.  (That's how he listens to -- he can't read   
   sheet music, so someone with a microphone is telling him ``blow, suck,   
   blow, suck''.)   
   	   
      
   Conan's Desk Microphone Is On Tonight.   
      
      
   Conan Quitters:   
   	- Conan asked any Presidential Quitters to announce on his show.   
    Sam Brownback pulled out of the race, not on this show.  Since he   
   didn't, Conan has no choice but to show embarrassing pictures of him the   
   graphics department made:   
   	   
   	- Brownback paying OJ Simpson's bail.   
   	   
   	- Brownback punching the Dali Lama.   
   	   
   	- Brownback in a bathtub with Larry Craig.   
   	   
   	- This is not a warning to other wannabe presidents running out   
   of cash soon.  But you will avoid being in embarrassing photos,   
   	   
   	- Mike Huckabee in a bathtub with Larry Craig.   
   	   
   	- Tom Tancredo, Rudy Giuliani, Hillary Clinton ditto.   
      
      
   Six J's Week!   
   	- Six guests this week had names starting with J:   
   	Tuesday: Jake Gyllenhall.   
   		``That's J number one!''   
   	Wednesday: Joe Buck.   
   		``Joe Buck, bringing in J number two!''   
   	Thursday: John Cusack, James Lipton,   
   		``John and James!  Jumpin' jehosophat, it's J times   
   two!''   
   	Friday: Josh Hartnett and Jack McBrayer   
   		``Another dose of Vitamin J!''   
   	He almost didn't get that one out!   
   		``That's right!''   
   		``It's a Big J Sausage Party!  Brought to you by Big J   
   Sausages!''   
      
      
   Audience Interview:   
   	- Jerry Springer.  His name is coincidentally Jerry Springer.   
   He's starting his 17th year of a talk show, and was host of America's   
   Got Talent, and Dancing with the Stars, and he has this web site, and he   
   happens to have this shirt he's selling for $5.95.  It's great meeting a   
   regular guy, thank you, Mr Sprunger.   
   	   
   	- Jerry Springer is another guest with a letter J!   
   		``Springer with a cameo J!''   
   	   
   	- The all-time record is nine J's, set in 1991 when Arsenio Hall   
   had on Jeff Foxworthy, Jodie Foster, Dr J, Joey Buttafuoco, Jean Claude   
   van Damme, Julia Child, Judd Hirsch, Jackay, and Jasmine Guy.   
   	   
   	- They can't catch up .. wait, look, it's Jim J Bullock and   
   Jesus Christ!   
   		``Jm J and Jesus, that's too many J's for comfort!''   
   	   
   	- o/` Celebrate Ten J's, come on! o/`   
   	   
   	- And a person protests that this is the stupidest thing that's   
   ever happened on this show.  Conan answers: You haven't seen this show.   
   Conan apologizes.  The guy is Jebedia Jaleel Johnson Jr.   
   		``Lady luck just gave birth to five bouncing baby J's!''   
   		   
   	- o/` We just added five more J's!  o/`   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)