From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   14 March 2008 - Frank Caliendo, Cheryl Hines, The Bad Plus   
   Jimmy Is:   
   	Ready for it, after doing our taxes.   
      
   Introduction:   
   	Hookers are doing well.  Spitzer may have used campaign money   
   for his prostitute, but did get her vote.  Hillary Clinton shrew.   
   Pentagon admits: no links between Saddam Hussein to Al Quaeda.  The   
   report: ``Oops, Our Bad.''  An increasing number of Mexicans are   
   sneaking into the country by boat; the trouble is getting the boat over   
   the fence.  Old people are incompetent.  Soon marijuana will cover over   
   6,000 acres of public land, and the Grand Canyon is slowly filling with   
   tequila.  An Arkansas woman gave birth to her 17th child; she wants   
   more.  Her vagina got up and left the room.   
      
      
   New US Stamps:   
   	Animals With Poor Defense Systems.  Turtle that grows a bread   
   shell.  Chameleon that changes into a baked potato.  Fish that squirts   
   tartar sauce.   
      
   	Bush's Nicknames for World Leaders: Iran's Mahmoud Ahmadinejad -   
   Danger Beard.  Israel's Ehud Olmert - Bagel Face.  China's Hu Xin Tao -   
   Jackie Chan.   
      
   	Irish-Catholic Kama Sutra: Missionary.  Missionary with bathroom   
   lights on.  Missionary in other twin bed.   
      
   	This may be disturbing to young girls but Conan really enjoyed   
   it: Disney Princesses Without Makeup.  Ariel.  Belle (cobweb on her   
   jugular vein).  Cinderella (Danny Devito, Conan says; I'd say Allen   
   Sherman).   
      
   	Celebrity Members of Blue Man Group.  Ted Kennedy.  Wow.  (He   
   looks like a comic book supervillain.)  Barbara Walters.  Hurley from   
   Lost.   
      
   	Minor Health Problems of Major Religious Figures.  Moses with   
   cold sore.  Jesus with asthma.  Vishnu with Obsessive-Compulsive   
   Disorder.   
      
   	Other Things Elliot Spitzer Spent $4300 On.  Used Mazda Miata.   
   Faberge egg.  Two hours with Mike Ditka.   
      
   	Famous People Visiting Places With The Same Name.  Joe Montana   
   in Montana.  Denzel Washington in Washintgon.  George W Bush is dumb.   
      
      
   Frank Caliendo:   
   	He can't impersonate Conan, does Andy all right.  His Conan   
   turns out Jay Leno.  And Mike Tyson.  Ted Koppel blends with John   
   Madden.  Terry Bradshaw to George Bush to Chris Rock.  Why was Bush in   
   town?  You can't go anywhere when he's around.  His head bounces with   
   the TelePrompTer.  ``Honesty is the best way ... to tell the truth.   
   Pistachio.''   
      
   	Too lazy to prepare impersonations of candidates.  Also Barack   
   and The Rock have the same voice, it appears.  John Madden doesn't like   
   the impression.  ``I don't like Hollywood people.  I shoulda been   
   Shrek.''  Caliendo tries getting a hook into people's personalities; he   
   hypothesizes Al Pacino no longer grasps reality.   
      
      
   Cheryl Hines:   
   	Conan got a haircut today.  People keep coming to her with   
   things obscurely connected to the show.  People think Conan will make a   
   sketch about dropping a can of peaches in the store.  A microphone   
   rumbles.  You can't play poker with Teri Hatcher.  Her movie's poker   
   tournament was won by the person who actually won the tournament they   
   played.   
      
      
   The Bad Plus:   
   	Something instrumental and quite pleasant.  If I bought music   
   I'd buy stuff like this.   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)