From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   7 January 2009 - #2698 - Chris Meloni, Sheriff Joe Arpaio, The Derek Trucks   
   Band.   
   Conologue:   
   	Obama will ride to the inauguration in a new presidential   
   limousine made by General Motors, as nothing says `hope for the future'   
   like `General Motors'.  Hey, at least they sold one car.   
      
   	Radio Shack is selling a satellite navigation system based on   
   Knight Rider; as it's based on an NBC show it only works if you're going   
   rapidly downhill.   
      
   	Conan likes a joke about the Chinese government complaining   
   about Google more than the audience does.   
      
   Bees On Coke!  Based on Australian (or pirate) scientists giving   
   cocaine to bees.   
      
   Making Pierre Bernard more awesome: Carbon composite spoiler and   
   new exhaust system.  He stares at Conan from barely in the shadows.   
      
   Glass Half Empty/Glass Half Full:   
   	Changes in social security means Americans may not get to retire   
   until age 67. / The Jets will get two more years out of Brett Favre.   
      
   	American children are getting more obese each year. / It's   
   getting much harder to toss an abducted child into a van.   
      
   	Retailers reported low revenues during Christmas. / Maybe now   
   Yankee Candle will go out of business.   
      
   	According to the Wall Street Journal, lumberjack was voted the   
   worst job to have. / Less lumberjacks, less trees getting cut down.   
   Less trees getting cut down, less paper.  Less paper, less copies of   
   _Life Strategies_ by Dr Phil.   
      
   Hannigan, Travelling Salesman: Doc Carcinogee's EZ Burn Yule Log, made   
   with solid asbestos; all customers completely satisfied right up until   
   they died of acute pneumoconisosis.  Doc Yokey's Eggless Egg Nog:   
   replacing eggs and cream with old batteries and rat milk since 1949!   
   With free photo of the lactating rat it came from!  ``My neighbors would   
   like closure on their missing spaniel ...''  Nintendo Diaz.  ``I'm not   
   paying for a four-hour steel-wool genital scrub!'' ``Fine, we'll pay you!''   
      
   	+	I like this sketch, not least for its odd vaguely 1950s   
   throwaway jokes; it's nice and dense and feels fast.   
      
   Chris Meloni:   
   	He likes riding his zip line.  He never wrapped a mattress   
   around the lower tree, slowing kids with a tow rope.  Guests didn't know   
   this.  Likes speed chess.  He got suckered into paying a guy $5 for a   
   fast chess game.  His 1980s sports outfit for his movie looked like it   
   had too much padding in the rear.  Guys worldwide say their wives watch   
   his Law & Order.   
      
   Sheriff Joe Arpaio:   
   	Evil new 'reality' show Fox's idea.  They catch untraceable   
   criminals by looking up their addresses.  Late Night got protesters for   
   Arpaio's weird petty dictator showboating like pink underwear and chain   
   gangs.   
      
   The Derek Trucks Band:   
   	Already Free: No idea what they played.   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)