From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   2 February 2009 - #2711 - Kathy Griffin, Paula Deen, Amy LaVere.   
   String Dance!   
   Conologue.   
   	Michael Phelps was depicted taking a big hit from a bong: kids,   
   don't share your pot with someone with the lung capacity of a dolphin.   
   His inhale lasts 40 minutes; his exhale, 90.  Tucson Super Bowl fans saw   
   video of a woman putting her hands down a man's pants and squeezing;   
   referees called her for holding.  Academy Awards ratings are expected to   
   be low, as few have seen the Best Picture nominees and there's the   
   threat of seeing Mickey Rourke in high-definition.  McCain is resisting   
   Obama's stimulus package; among other complaints it's not written in a   
   large enough font.  The government of India will be selling a $10   
   laptop; in America that's known as an Etch-A-Sketch.  New Jersey's   
   attempting, alas, an official state song; the leading contender, 'We've   
   gotta get out of this place'.  Kirstie Alley may be on 'Dancing With The   
   Stars': its stage is being reinforced with concrete.  Amy Winehouse's   
   apartment was burgled, possibly to support a drug habit, making the   
   leading suspect Amy Winehouse.   
      
   	Three of the Max Weinberg 7: Super Bowl participants.   
      
   	Bruce Springsteen's jumping slice toward the stage: did his   
   crotch hit the camera?  Conan tries it twice.  'He talked about it in a   
   very high voice'.   
      
   	Conan on Costas's Show: Field goal kicking practice.  Martin   
   Santiago and Bill Grammatica (sp?); Conan's dressed as Tom Brady, and he   
   has a Giselle, waiting.  Conan did line dancing as a kid.  Conan thinks   
   of garlic scampi and 'Killdozer'.  Twin field goals thanks to creative   
   editing (Conan 6, Reality 0).  Conan takes a football to the face (sends   
   him back in time to see Lincoln and have scampi).  Does a somersault.   
   Giselle has a good kick.  Conan comes on back of a van, kicks into the   
   field goal post.   
      
   Celebrity Survey:   
   	I seriously doubt if I will ever get ... Michael Phelps:   
   Glaucoma.  I celebrated the Steelers' Superbowl (sic) victory by ...   
   Plaxico Burress: shooting myself in the other leg.  When I fly I always   
   wind up sitting next to ... Kirstie Alley: both windows.  The last time   
   I looked through my couch cushions I found ... Tom Daschle: $80,000 in   
   unreported income.  The look I am going for is ... Conan O'Brien:   
   bleached lesbian.  I believe in evolution because ... Larry King: I saw   
   it with my own eyes.  People generally describe me as ... Spencer Pratt:   
   the reason they joined al-Qaeda.  The best part about weekends is ...   
   Amy Winehouse: the crack den has a jazz brunch.  People say I look like   
   ... Gene Simmons: the mythical goat eating beast known as `chupacabra'.   
   I'm glad `24' is back on the air because ... LaBamba: I was tired of   
   masturbating to `Monk'.   
      
   Kathy Griffin:   
   	Last saw Conan on 'Rosie O'Donnell Live'.  Had one dressing room   
   for Conan, Alec Baldwin, Harry Connick Jr, Clay Aiken.  Bad blood   
   between Aiken and Griffin?  Griffin joked he was gay.  Refused Rosie's   
   suggestion to apologize.  He had a possee; she went with an iPod playing   
   an Aiken song, begging him to take her back.  Advised against it.  The   
   bit didn't work.  Whitney Houston doesn't like being called 'Cracky   
   McGee' even as a joke.  Renee Zellwegger didn't like 'sweaty puppy coke   
   whore'.  She sent back, 'Warmest wishes', creepy and scary.  Conan   
   doesn't know Oprah's Best Life plan, but she picked the President.   
      
   Paula Deen:   
   	Where's her husband Michael, Santa Claus/Uncle Jessie-Mister   
   Miyagi/clock-maker?  Friend cannolis; Conan's on Lipitor, but so's she.   
   Forgot what to tell him.  She hasn't got power.  They stir things; Conan   
   was wonderful on the Super Bowl.  Conan's not done.  Power is a problem.   
    Take ricotta, cinnamon, liquor, nuts.  Conan gets yelled at pouring   
   batter into a big cone hat to fill the shells.  Does Conan know the   
   difference between a nice girl and a good girl?  (Silence.)  A nice girl   
   will help you put it in; a good girl won't ... her daddy told her that.   
   Spinner turning on the floor.  They fry cannolis.  Dip it in chocolate,   
   nuts, fine heroin powder.  And fed to Michael.   
      
   Amy LaVere:   
   	Anchors and Anvils: No idea what was playing.   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)