From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   18 February 2009 - #2722 - Nathan Lane.  (Michael Bloomberg, Martha Stewart,   
   Mark Shaiman)   
   	Finale credits!  A montage of the animated, bicycling, San   
   Francisco, clay-animation, and cutout city openings that really works   
   great.   
      
   	It's a get-lost huzzah if he ever heard one.  Two more shows   
   unless NBC preempts us for more Knight Rider.  Moving is challenging;   
   Conan was afraid he'd miss his favorite restaurant but learned The Olive   
   Garden's a nationwide chain.  Los Angeles has earthquakes, mudslides,   
   and wildfires; New York City has the Mets, Knicks, and Jets.   
      
   	Max and the band are coming with Conan!  They'll be living with   
   him.   
      
   	Michael Bloomberg, looking like Verne Troyer next to Conan,   
   walks out and gives a key to the Port Authority Bus Terminal's men's   
   room.   
      
   	Best-of clip: Triumph the Insult Comic Dog insults the fans   
   lined up for Attack 	Of The Clones because they hadn't learned   
   their lesson from The Prequel Menace.  Guy's dressed as a Jedi;   
   principles, defending truth and justice, and to eat a lot of peanut   
   M&Ms.  Star Wars Stratego; Risk, normally played indoors by   
   12-year-olds.  An actual girl here!  She can pick from all kinds of guys   
   who have no idea how to please her.  One guy stands up to the challenge,   
   and Triumph is shtupping Lassie.  How does this Wil Wheaton/Jamie Farr   
   if-they-mated explain camping out to his imaingary girlfriend?   
   Supernerd Bill Gates/Stephen jobs if-they-mated. Yoda looks over his   
   shoulder.  What parent forced this cute girl to dress as ... Princess [   
   Queela? ].  It's adorable ... and Triumph must leave ... for me to poop   
   on.  Slightly Smaller Pierre Bernard is here from another dimension;   
   don't forget to finish your filet-of-fish. We're all dragon masters   
   here.  He tries punching the 'fresh hound'. Spoiler: you will die alone.   
    Darth Vader himself is here!  All other nerds tremble in his presence.   
   Which of these chest box buttons calls your parents to pick you up?  Do   
   storm troopers talk like 60s robots?   
   'You-would-look-really-good-with-some-sauerkraut-and-some-mustard!'  Are   
   You a Korean under there?  Reveal yourself!  (It's   
   anamorphic-lens-narrowed Stephen Wozniak.)  OK, put it back on!  Star   
   Wars Nerd Wedding.  He kisses the bride after years practicing on his   
   sister, and now the ceremonial banging of the plastic toys.  'What   
   substance was Han Solo frozen in?'  The answer is who gives a krunk?   
   Nerds act out scenes, like ... uh ... swimming?  Look who's here, guys!   
   Spock giving the finger!  'Our work here is over.  We have enjoyed our   
   stay.  But the forces of reality and demands of a normal sex life call   
   us away.  May the force be with you for me to poop on.'   
      
   	Tearing apart the set: Conan chops down LaBamba's podium.  It's   
   heavily wired with microphone cables and such, and nobody was expecting   
   him to do that.  Conan breaks the floor.  If he sees that on eBay   
   tomorrow the audience guy is dead.   
      
   Martha Stewart:   
   	Wants a podium for her stable; there's good memories of them.   
   Tape of Conan's visit to her place for Martha Stewart Living.   
      
   	Cookie cutters: Al Roker Cookies.  Conan messes up their order.   
   Does she ever forget the grill is on and have to reach around for a   
   spatula?  Six or seven varieties of salt.  Grey sea salt from Brittany.   
   He can't taste differences.  Black salt.  Wait, that's pepper.  She   
   wanted to see if he could tell the difference.  Hanging copper pots;   
   he's a pirate!  Jams, jellies, pomades, a human brain.  Much Pabst Blue   
   Ribbon and Easy Cheese.  Giant ceiling ducts bring gravy into the   
   building.  Her office.   
      
   	On the show: Conan eats baked Alaska.  Flexible silicone   
   material.  Conan likes seeing things burn.  Stewart explains he's   
   joking.  He licks the blender.  No, he can't lick taht.  his looks like   
   an ageing Don King.  Torch and a hat.  Die, merenge, die!   
      
   	She brought some treats to eat.  Taco Bell and Jack Daniels.   
   (Callback to an earlier visit where Conan got her to eat them.)   
      
   Nathan Lane:   
   	More exciting than a stroll through Christian Bale's eyeline.   
   Congratulations.  Now Conan has to do his job climb all over again.   
   Gave out a Grammy to Al Gore for _An Inconvenient Truth_ again; did   
   shots every time a boy band member came out.  Watched Jonas Brothers try   
   pushing an abstinence ring on Kid Rock.  Weekend with Michael Phelps   
   listening to Pink Floyd; you should see him move through a bag of   
   Doritos.  The photo was done in a lab in Teaneck, New Jersey, for an   
   Aquabong as it's illegal to smoke marijuana but not to snorkel it; also,   
   medical marijuana for marine creatures.  Aquabong, apply directly to   
   blowhole.   
      
   With Mark Shaiman, a song:   
      
   And now your end is near, and so you face your final curtain.   
   My friend, I'll say it clear, your throat is dry, your krunk is hurting.   
   You talked till you turned blue.   
   	It's time to talk right through that doorway.   
   But know one thing is true: you did it your way.   
      
   Regrets, you've had a few: you're not a Jew; that pale complexion.   
   You kissed Rebecca Romijn.  It left a stain, and then erection.   
   There's Joel, La Bamba too.  It's hard to pick which one is more gay.   
   But once, backstage with you, we did it your way.   
      
   Yes, Triumph pooped, he pooped on you,   
   	and Quackers ate more than he could chew.   
   And Martha Stewart's smelly trout, you ate it up, then spit it out.   
   And Max's stare, that frigging hair, you combed it your way   
      
   You've done so many schticks, like driving desk, and if they mated.   
   I once sat on the couch right where a bear had masturbated.   
   To think you did all that --- not me I say --- in a mature way?   
   Oh no, oh no not you.  You did it your way.   
      
   You're wise.  Your brain is big.  You're kinda like a taller Yoda.   
   But now, if you leave town, what will become of Abe Vigoda?   
   Go West.  You'll find a place, and if you're not the ratings victor   
   You'll live inside a car with Andy Richter.   
      
   Yes NBC has filled your cup, replacing Jay.  Please don't screw up.   
   Jack Paar had Carson set the bar.  Go out and be just who you are.   
   Don't ever stop, and if you flop,   
   You'll do it your way.   
      
   	[ This is a great song. ]   
      
      
   Clips: things that have gone wrong.   
   	Brian McCann shoots his wig off and he's still alive.  Jarod   
   Miller loses control of a kangaroo.  Jack McBrayer is visible in a giant   
   video box of 'Hope Floats' getting shot.  The weird alarm goes off   
   mid-show.  Have you been drinking, God?  Clutch Cargo Arnold'   
   Schwarzeneggers scar falls off but is delicious.  That guy in the kilt   
   who's not wearing anything underneath.  Backstage prerecording overlaps   
   an interview, 'Now that's a good Friday'.  Robot on The Toilet's head   
   falls off.  Elderly USO-type singers are completely out of synch (which   
   works).  The Aquaking, Master of the Oceans has virtually limitless   
   powers of speech.  Jarod loses control of an emu and some lemurs flee.   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)