XPost: alt.drugs.hard   
   From: coyo@darkdna.net   
      
   You know what I don't get? Why I bother. I've wanted to contribute to   
   the ideals, to what I thought the Internet stood for, what it was   
   supposed to be, since I was 12-14. I wanted to help build the Internet,   
   help make the Internet great. I wanted to help bring opportunities,   
   education, training, knowledge and options to everyone.   
      
   Why do I bother? I will never be appreciated. I will never get any   
   slack. I will never make any friends outside of the tiny circle I   
   already have. I will never get any credit. I will never get any respect.   
   I will never be given an inch.   
      
   I'm trying to do the right thing. I'm actually bothering to RTFM, to   
   read, to learn, to study, and it all gets thrown in my face. I couldn't   
   read enough dusty ancient textbooks in my entire life, if I lived to be   
   120 years old! I'll never be good enough.   
      
   I have discussed at length with many of the founders of the Internet, I   
   have gotten a decent idea of what was intended when the Internet   
   actually become the Internet, as opposed to being a purely military   
   communications network, and all of this effort is simply thrown in my face.   
      
   I've done immense amounts of study and homework, on my own, without some   
   professor telling me to do any of this, and all of that is thrown in my   
   face. No one cares. Wikipedia? It's obviously a fad. No one really wants   
   to educate anyone. No one wants the world to be a better place.   
      
   No matter what people say, everyone likes the hellish hypocrisy we have.   
   Everyone, no matter how much they complain, really wants anything to   
   change. When people say they want a more open world, when they say they   
   want to give everyone a chance to make a living, to live a better life,   
   they are lying. They merely want to use pretty words to justify their   
   own existence. They don't want to make a better world. They don't want   
   to provide options to anyone. They don't want anything of the kind. They   
   just want a free meal ticket.   
      
   Is this what I've been working so hard, fighting so hard to understand?   
   Am I really so misguided when I just wanted to help make the world a   
   better place? Apparently, everyone loves wage slavery. Despite what   
   anyone says, people love wage slavery. They have a codependent   
   relationship with the mega-governments and mega-corporations they are   
   enslaved by. How could I have failed to understand that this is some   
   kind of twisted BDSM sort of slavery? I had no way of knowing that.   
      
   This is not fair. There's is nothing remotely fair about this. Don't   
   even think of telling me life is not fair. Life is not fair because   
   hypocritical bastards like that MAKE life unfair. Is it really so wrong   
   of me to make meaningful attempts to fix society? Is it really so wrong   
   of me to make meaningful, significant changes to the way society   
   operates at a fundamental level? Is everything I've ever heard about the   
   foundations of society a blatant lie? That people want to change   
   society, but aren't willing to put their imaginary money where their   
   mouth is? Is that what it is?   
      
   Why does anyone wonder why I'm an anarchist? Why does anyone wonder why   
   I want to be left alone in some wilderness somewhere with a total   
   absence of civilization? Why does anyone care enough to wonder? If I   
   think humanity is based on a pyramid of lies, that's my business. Why   
   should I care anymore? This is always how it ends up.   
      
   No one wants to be my friend, because I see bullshit and lies for what   
   they are, and am too naive to understand that I'm not supposed to apply   
   people's standards and ideals to themselves. I'mm too naive to   
   understand that humanity equals hypocrisy, that hypocrisy is what   
   defines humanity.   
      
   Maybe I should simply surround myself with machines and drugs and toys   
   and whatever else it takes to cut myself off from humanity. Maybe I   
   should stop trying to do the right thing? Maybe I should simply ignore   
   humanity and let it destroy itself? Maybe I should study genetics and   
   transhumanism by myself and do what I can to escape humanity, and become   
   something that isn't so disgusting? Maybe I should stop caring, replace   
   friends with drugs, replace humans with machines, and replace society   
   with solitude? Maybe I'm better off alone?   
      
   I'm breaking under this load. I've packed my time with study and   
   research, leaving little time for a social life. I've focused on reading   
   books, learning to do many things, and what the books won't tell me,   
   what the beautiful elegance of mathematics and programming won't break   
   down, is that humans are monsters, and that no matter what pretty   
   platitudes they utter, humans are always hypocrites, they will always be   
   monsters who only think of themselves, will never sacrifice anything for   
   what they say they believe in, because true truth is that humans cannot   
   believe in anything. Humans are machines that pretend they are not   
   machines programmed to pleasure themselves in the immediate present, and   
   only utter anything to the contrary to deceive others into giving them   
   what they want.   
      
   Humanity is defined by hypocrisy and lies. The entirety of human   
   civilization and culture and society is constructed on a foundation of   
   lies, deceit and corruption of anything that might have been good and   
   pure had humans not been involved in fabricating it.   
      
   I should stop bothering to try doing the right thing, because the right   
   thing is apparently to let humanity nuke itself to oblivion. I don't   
   know why I bother anymore.   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)