XPost: alt.tv.mst3k   
   From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   [ OPENING SEQUENCE ]   
      
   [ 1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5.. 6.. ]   
      
   [ SOL DESK.  CROW is wearing a polyester suit and has a card propped   
           up in his hand.  TOM is standing in front of JOEL, with the cap   
           on his head replaced with a balloon-like pad.  JOEL is holding   
           his hands over TOM's head.  TOM is making sound effects. Sketch   
           is fast paced; no break between lines. ]   
      
    JOEL: Come on, big money, big money, no whammies... [ Hitting TOM's   
           head ] STOP!   
     TOM: Ow!   
    CROW: OK, you stop on our survey question; we asked 100 people at random   
           the following question; top five answers on the board.  'What is a   
           refreshing treat on a hot summer's day?'   
    JOEL: I'm gonna say... an ice cream soda!   
     TOM: Good answer, good answer.   
    CROW: Show meeeeeeee...ice cream soda!   
     TOM: Ding ding ding ding ding!   
    JOEL: Wahoo!   
    CROW: Bringing you to the Speed Round; seven-letter word on the board,   
           you start with an L and a D and twenty-five seconds.   
    JOEL: L!   
     TOM: Ping!   
    JOEL: J!   
     TOM: Ping!   
    JOEL: E!   
     TOM: Ping!   
    JOEL: D!   
     TOM: Ping!   
    JOEL: 'Pharmacist'   
     TOM: Ding ding ding ding ding!   
    CROW: That puts you on the board with a Five.   
    JOEL: I'm gonna say, 300 dollars, higher!  [ Pointing up with both   
           thumbs. ]   
    CROW: Reveals a Three.   
     TOM: Ding.   
    JOEL: 250 dollars, Lower, lower. [ Again motions with his thumbs. ]   
    CROW: Got a Jack.   
     TOM: Ding.   
    JOEL: Everything I got, higher!   
    CROW: And we have an Eight!   
     TOM: Ding.   
    JOEL: Gonna freeze.   
    CROW: Freeze, freeze at four cards in, and that takes you to the prizes.   
    JOEL: [ Looking around ] I'd like the Amana freezer for three hundred   
           forty-nine dollars...   
    CROW: Freezer.   
    JOEL: The microwave oven for one hundred eighty-five...   
    CROW: It's yours.   
    JOEL: The Presidential chess set replica for seventy dollars...and the   
           rest on a gift certificate.   
      
   [ CAMBOT pulls back to reveal GYPSY ]   
      
   GYPSY: Things you see on the Game Show Network.  Things that were junk the   
           first time around.  Things you remember too well.   
     TOM: Ding ding ding ding ding!   
      
   [ TOM, CROW, GYPSY, and JOEL start jumping gleefuly as CAMBOT flashes   
          $25,000 on the bottom of the screen and a simulacrum of the   
          $25,000 Pyramid plays. ]   
      
    JOEL: We did it!   
      
   [ COMMERCIAL SIGN flashes ]   
      
   MAGIC VOICE: Thanks for playing, and we'll be right back after this word   
           from our sponsors.   
      
   [ COMMERCIAL BREAK ]   
      
      
   [ SOL. Calmed down considerably from above. JOEL is polishing CROW's beak.   
           TOM is reading a comic book. ]   
      
    JOEL: We ever figure out what to buy with that gift certificate?   
     TOM: They gave us a service certificate instead.   
    CROW: What's the difference?   
     TOM: This wasn't good for anything.   
    JOEL: Still, that was fun.   
    CROW: We should do that more often.   
     TOM: Can't.  You can't be on another game show for at least ninety days.   
    JOEL: Says who?   
     TOM: It's a rule.   
    CROW: I never heard that rule.   
     TOM: You dare question me?   
    JOEL: Hang on, boys, the trylon and the perisphere are on the line.   
      
   [ JOEL taps MADS SIGN ]   
      
      
   [ DEEP 13. DR. FORRESTER and TV'S FRANK are wearing large sacks covering some   
   kind of globes on top of their heads. ]   
      
   DR. F: Ahoy, hoy, lackeys and layabouts. Are you prepared to see yourselves   
         bested in yet another Invention Exchange?   
   FRANK: I know I am!   
      
      
   [ SOL DESK.  JOEL and the bots have a model spaceship covered by a piece   
         of velvet.  The desk is cleaned and TOM has nothing in his hands ]   
      
    JOEL: You bet.   
     TOM: We were thinking, as we often do, about the 70s.   
    CROW: And we realized there were some stylistic touches about that much   
           maligned decade which, while goofy, were still kind of fun.   
    JOEL: So, combining that with our own precarious situation in space, we   
           decided to create... [ Pulls off the velvet to reveal...]   
     ALL: The courderoy starship!   
    CROW: Warm, durable, and easily washed, this vision of tomorrow from the   
           days of yesterday is sure to keep you at least as comfortable as   
           a wood-paneled station wagon while waiting in line at the antimatter   
           refilling module.   
    JOEL: Plus it makes the cutest little "fwit-fwit" noise when you go into   
           warp.   
     TOM: [ Disclaimer voice ] Stephen Collins and Robert Forster sold   
           separately.  James Brolin not available in all areas.   
      
   [ DEEP 13. As before; their heads are still covered. ]   
      
   DR. F: Fascinating. Now then: Many, many -- perhaps too many -- science   
           fiction and comic book writers have tried to look into the future   
           of human evolution and concluded that in the future, people will   
           have vastly larger brains.   
   FRANK: Which means they're going to need bigger heads.   
   DR. F: Right. But since evolution is slow, inexact, and ugly, we're   
           giving it a little hand up.   
      
   [ DR. FORRESTER and TV'S FRANK pull of the sacks, revealing snow globe-like   
   shapes on their heads. ]   
      
   FRANK: But rather than fill this extra space with hair, we got creative!   
   [ They turn around, revealing cityscapes with the white snowflakes. ]   
   DR. F: So that you can display civic pride or make an amusing conversation   
           piece while you wait for superhuman intelligence and psychic   
           powers.   
   FRANK: We call them, 'Snow brains.'   
      
   [ They turn back to the camera. ]   
      
   DR. F: Now then. Your medicine this week is a pair of "Legion of   
           Superheros" works by one Doug Atkinson -- the start of a story   
           called "Dreams of a Lost Past," in which events almost happen,   
           and "Loss," in which the main character is argued out of doing   
           something interesting. Read 'em and weep, boyos.   
      
      
   [ SOL DESK.  JOEL is holding the starship and making fwit-fwit noises ]   
      
     TOM: I think they stole my look.   
    CROW: They can keep it.   
      
   [ MOVIE SIGN flashes. General chaos. ]   
      
    JOEL: We got movie sign!   
     TOM: Yaaaaa!   
    CROW: Woo-hoo!   
      
   [ 6.. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.. ]   
      
   [ ALL enter theater ]   
      
   >                     DREAMS OF A LOST PAST   
      
    CROW: An untold tale of another tomorrow in which "Squiddly Diddly"   
           rules the world!   
      
   >   
   >         An untold story of the Legion of Super-Heroes   
      
     TOM: Not any more.  Thanks *so much*, Doug Atkinson.   
      
   >   
   >                        by Doug Atkinson   
      
    JOEL: Oh, the defendants have to go talk to him after they see Rusty   
           the bailiff.   
      
   >   
   >      Jacques Foccart tossed on his bed as his slumbering   
   > brain was wracked by uneasy dreams.   
      
    CROW: [ As if talking in his sleep ] Scott Adams...stairmaster...horse   
           shampoo...term life insurance...AAAUGH!   
      
   >                                      In his sleeping visions,   
   > he was in a vague land of mists and shadows, seen as if out   
   > of the corner of the eye.   
      
     TOM: So he's mostly seeing the annoying network logo.   
      
   >                            He wandered aimlessly, but there   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)