XPost: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc, alt.tv.mst3k   
   From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   [ OPENING CREDITS, SEASON TEN STYLE. ]   
      
   [ 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... ]   
      
   [ SATELLITE OF LOVE DESK.  TOM SERVO, and CROW are hotly debating; MIKE is not   
   particularly hotly listening. ]   
      
     TOM:  So I know you're wondering about the Rankin/Bass special _Twas The   
   Night Before Christmas_, Mike.   
    MIKE:  Pretty sure I'm not.   
    CROW:  Obviously we all wonder how Albert Mouse could continue insisting   
   Santa Claus doesn't exist when Santa starts refusing all letters from   
   Junctionville, New York, when refusing letters is a prima facie case that the   
   intended recipient exists.   
    MIKE:  You know Pearl's scheduled a short for us to keep us busy while she   
   screens a 'Magic Garden' marathon, right?   
     TOM:  After all, there's a difference between a reasonable skepticism and a   
   hard-line denialism.  But the real issue is: why does Santa get so   
   disproportionately upset about a trivial offense?   
    MIKE:  And it's some kind of editorial from Analog Science Fiction from back   
   when great crazy guy John W Campbell was editing?   
    CROW:  Especially when he doesn't appear even slightly miffed, or relieved,   
   or anything but 'well, this is normal' when he flies into Junctionville after   
   all!   
    MIKE:  And the Observer said it was a real downbeat one?   
     TOM:  So we're thinking that some overly enthusiastic support elf in the   
   mailroom noticed Albert Mouse's nasty letter and vastly overreacted.   
    MIKE:  And Bobo glanced at it and he's been in the fetal position weeping   
   about *that* ever since, and that was eighteen days ago?   
    CROW:  Santa's got a massive organization, surely it has problems with people   
   overreacting to minor slights ---   
      
   [ MOVIE SIGN.  General alarm. ]   
      
    CROW:  AAH!  MOVIE SIGN!   
     TOM:  WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!   
    MIKE:  Oh, let's just go.   
      
      
   [ INTO THE THEATER ... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... ]   
      
      
   [ ALL file in. ]   
      
   >       THE LESSON OF THALIDOMIDE   
      
    CROW:  Don't take it?   
     TOM:  Well, we're done here.   
      
   >   
   >       The thalidomide disaster is, of course, by no   
   > means finished;   
      
    MIKE:  We're still working out how to blame it on the pregnant women who took   
   it.   
      
   >                 it will continue to be a disaster at   
   > least as long as any of the affected babies are living.   
      
     TOM:  Accordingly, I am dispatching my operatives with polonium-ricin   
   tablets.   
      
   > And the lesson the human race can learn from that   
   > thalidomide disaster should go on . . . well, really,   
   > forever.   
      
    CROW:  In practice, humanity kind of remembered it for like six months, and   
   then was distracted by a shiny bauble.   
      
   >   
   >       Unfortunately, I have not seen the proper lesson   
   > of the thalidomide results published anywhere;   
      
     TOM:  That lesson being, pay attention to me, John W Campbell.   
      
   >                                                what I   
   > have seen published has, in every case, been exactly the   
   > wrong lesson.   
      
    CROW:  People have come out of it saying, maybe there's not such a thing as   
   telepathy.   
      
   >   
   >       Many thousands of years ago now, Man first   
   > learned --- first of all animals --- the correct lesson   
   > from being burned by fire.   
      
     TOM:  'Try not to get burned by fire.'   
    CROW:  And humans were the *first* animal to think of that one, yeah.   
    MIKE:  Humanity: We do some things okay, eventually.   
      
   >                             The lesson had to do with how   
   > you could handle fire; the other animals only learned to   
   > fear fire.   
      
    MIKE:  Although the lesser spotted vole skipped fire altogether and went   
   right into fusion-powered lasers.  Gotta give them that.   
      
   >   
   >       The importance of that difference is that they   
   > are animals still --- and this is Man's world.   
      
    CROW:  Or it was until Man signed a balloon mortgage on it to the red-tufted   
   speckled jay.   
      
   >   
   >       The basic lesson to learn from the thalidomide   
   > problem is, simply, that human beings were, are, and   
   > always will be expended in the process of learning more   
   > about the Universe we live in --- and that we'd be wiser   
   > to acknowledge that, and accept it.   
      
     TOM:  So all you people whining about poisoning babies, knock it off.   
      
   >                                     When you do true   
   > exploration into the Unknown --- some explorers are going   
   > to die.   
      
    CROW:  And making it the explorers who had no idea they were doing the   
   exploring or were venturing off into the unknown?  That just makes it funny!   
      
   >          John Glenn stated very flatly that men were going   
   > to be killed in the effort to penetrate space --- that he   
   > was lucky, but that deaths were inevitable.   
      
    MIKE:  But killing people in space travel gives us great benefits in finding   
   new ways to kill people on the ground.   
      
   >   
   >       The human race just expended several thousand   
   > babies in a battle against disease and misery;   
      
     TOM:  By inflicting disease and misery on babies!   
      
   >                                                this has   
   > happened before, and we would be most wise to recognize   
   > quite clearly --- as clearly as Glenn recognized his   
   > danger --- that it will most certainly happen again.   
      
    CROW:  I didn't realize John Glenn was so into the needless death and misery   
   of babies.   
     TOM:  Never learn too much about your heroes, I guess.   
      
   >   
   >       And there isn't one thing we can do about it.   
      
    MIKE:  Except 'try'.   
      
   >   
   >       Human life is not sacred; it is expendable for   
   > cause.   
      
    CROW:  So why are you expending that life?   
     TOM:  Just cause.   
    CROW:  Exactly right.   
      
   >        The Universe doesn't hold it sacred, quite   
   > obviously; if we do, we're unrealistic --- which means   
   > essentially, "neurotic."   
      
    CROW:  Yeah, 'neurotic', that's the word to describe people who oppose   
   needless misery and suffering.   
      
   >   
   >       Let's take a solid, rational look at the story of   
   > thalidomide.   
      
     TOM:  Because some of you out there are still feeling some hope or joy in   
   your lives.   
      
   >   
   >       In the first place, Dr. Frances Kelsey acted in a   
   > whimsical, arbitrary, illogical, and unscientific manner   
   > in failing to license thalidomide for distribution in   
   > this country.   
      
    CROW:  Dames, am I right, fellas?   
      
   >                Her course of action --- actually, her   
   > course of inaction --- was absolutely unjustifiable.   
      
    MIKE:  Why does Germany get to have all the deformed seal-babies?  It's not   
   fair!   
      
   >   
   >       The fact that it was completely correct and right   
   > has nothing whatever to do with the question of whether   
   > or not it was logical, scientific, or justifiable.   
      
    CROW:  I mean, it *was*, all three, but that's no fair.   
      
   >                                                    It may   
   > have been a case of pure "woman's intuition" working with   
   > illogical, but magnificent accuracy.   
      
    MIKE:  She should stop using her judgement and just do what the nice men from   
   the multinational pharmaceutical company says, they thought about this a lot   
   more than she ever could.   
      
   >                                      It may have been a   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)