XPost: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc, alt.tv.mst3k   
   From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   >     XIII   
      
    CROW: How x-i-ting!   
      
   >   
   >	FATTY MEETS JIMMY RABBIT   
      
    MIKE: Jimmy meets Fatty Rabbit.   
     TOM: Rabbit meets Jimmy Fatty.   
      
   >   
   >	For once Fatty Raccoon was not hungry.   
      
    CROW: *What?!*   
     TOM: Hold me, Mike, I'm scared!   
      
   >                                               He had eaten so much of   
   > Farmer Green's corn that he felt as if he could not swallow another   
   > mouthful.   
      
    MIKE: So he's taken to just rubbing corn on his belly and hoping for the best.   
      
   >           He was strolling homewards through the woods when someone   
   > called to him. It was Jimmy Rabbit.   
      
     TOM: Y'know, if Fatty had an ear of corn to introduce to Jimmy, but was   
   indifferent to how the meeting went, Fatty could say, 'Jimmy, Green's Corn,   
   and I don't care.'   
    MIKE: [ Sighing ] You too?   
      
   >   
   >	"Where are you going, Fatty?" Jimmy Rabbit asked.   
      
    CROW: The big meeting in Toronto.   
      
   >   
   >	"Home!" said Fatty.   
   >   
   >	"Are you hungry?" Jimmy Rabbit asked anxiously.   
      
    MIKE: [ As Jack Benny, putting his hand on his cheek ] 'Well!'   
      
   >   
   >	"I should say not!" Fatty answered.   
      
     TOM: [ As Fatty ] 'Um ... should I?  Did I get my line wrong?'   
      
   >                                            "I've just had the finest   
   > meal I ever ate in my life."   
      
    MIKE: By 'finest' he means 'most recent'.   
    CROW: Say this for Fatty, he's a great person to cook for.   
      
   >   
   >	Jimmy Rabbit seemed to be relieved to hear that.   
      
     TOM: [ As Jimmy ] 'Hooray!  It wasn't me!'   
      
   >   
   >	"Come on over and play," he said. "My brother and I are   
   > playing barber- shop over in the old sycamore tree; and we need you."   
      
    CROW: Wait ... why are rabbits playing barber shop?   
    MIKE: Why are they not playing hare salon?   
      
   >   
   >	"All right!" said Fatty. It was not often that any of the   
   > smaller forest-people were willing to play with him,   
      
     TOM: Wonder why that could be.   
      
   >                                                      because generally   
   > Fatty couldn't help getting hungry and then he usually tried to eat   
   > his playmates.   
      
    MIKE: You know, when we make that joke it's just sick, but when the book   
   makes it it's ...   
    CROW: Ugh.   
      
   >                "What do you need me for?" Fatty asked, as he trudged   
   > along beside Jimmy Rabbit.   
      
     TOM: We need somebody to be the guy off in back complaining about the Giants.   
      
   >   
   >	"We need you for the barber's pole," Jimmy explained. "You can   
   > come inside the hollow tree and stick your tail out through a hole.   
      
    CROW: [ As Fatty ] You need me to do a stick's job?   
      
   >                                                                     It   
   > will make a fine barber's pole---though the stripes DO run the wrong   
   > way, to be sure."   
      
    MIKE: Well, you could lean sideways a little?   
      
   >   
   >	Fatty Raccoon was greatly pleased. He looked around at his tail   
   > and felt very proud.   
      
    CROW: A fine horsehair tail, one of the most elegant ... wait, I'm being   
   handed a bulletin.   
      
   >   
   >	"I've got a beautiful tail---haven't I?" he asked.   
   >   
   >	"Um---yes!" Jimmy Rabbit replied, "though I must say it isn't   
   > one that I would care for myself...   
      
     TOM: Frish --- *Frith* Worshippers have to say that.   
    MIKE: Hard saying 'Frish Wor' --- that *is* hard.   
      
   >                                     But come along! There may be people   
   > waiting to get their hair cut."   
      
    CROW: I've lost all understanding of the level of anthropomorphization here.   
      
   >   
   >	Sure enough! When they reached the make-believe barber-shop   
   > there was a gray squirrel inside,   
      
    MIKE: Can touch that up with a little Just For Squirrels.   
      
   >                                   and Jimmy Rabbit's brother was   
   > busily snipping the fur off Mr. Squirrel's head.   
      
     TOM: Uh-oh ...   
    CROW: What?   
      
   >   
   >	"How much do you charge for a hair-cut?" Fatty asked.   
      
     TOM: Fatty!  Get out of there!  IT'S AN IMPROV TROUPE!   
      
   >   
   >	"Oh, that depends!" Jimmy Rabbit said. "Mr. Squirrel will pay   
   > us six cabbage leaves.   
      
    CROW: But for you?   
    MIKE: Yes, yes?   
    CROW: Six cabbage leaves, who do you think you are?   
      
   >                        But if we were to cut your hair we'd have to   
   > ask more. We'd want a dozen cabbage leaves, at least."   
      
    CROW: Oh, dang.   
    MIKE: This is about that time I ate your best friend, isn't it?   
      
      
   >   
   >	"Well, don't I get anything for the use of my tail?" Fatty   
   > asked.   
      
    CROW: Well, what does your tail need to use?   
      
   >        He had already stuck it out through the hole; and he had half a   
   > mind to pull it in again.   
      
     TOM: Just picturing the dignity of Fatty here.   
      
   >   
   >	Jimmy Rabbit and his brother whispered together for a few   
   > moments.   
      
    CROW: [ As Jimmy ]  'No, no, no, no.  I don't know your name either.'   
      
   >   
   >	"I'll tell you what we'll do," Jimmy said. "If you'll let us   
   > use your tail for the barber's pole, we'll cut your hair free.   
      
     TOM: I mean, all hair that's cut is free.  That's how it can fall off.   
      
   >                                                                Isn't   
   > that fair enough?"   
      
    MIKE: [ As Fatty ] 'Will I have to bring my own hair?'   
      
   >   
   >	Fatty Raccoon was satisfied. But he insisted that Jimmy begin to   
   > cut his hair at once.   
      
     TOM: Me, I demand to know if they have, like, bunny-size scissors or what.   
    CROW: Oh, man, those stupid bunny scissors that you can't actually cut   
   anything with.   
      
      
   >   
   >	"I'm doing my part of the work now," he pointed out. "So   
   > there's no reason why you shouldn't do yours."   
      
    MIKE: Jimmy counter-offers with Fatty leaving his tail there and comes back   
   for it later.   
      
   >   
   >	With that Jimmy Rabbit began. He clipped and snipped at   
   > Fatty's head, pausing now and then to see the effect.   
      
    CROW: [ As Jimmy ] 'So, uh, no eating each other right?'   
      
   >                                                       He smiled once   
   > in a while, behind Fatty's back, because Fatty certainly did look   
   > funny with his fur all ragged and uneven.   
      
     TOM: Oh, now, how bad could it OH MY GOD!  RUN!  RUN FOR THE HILLS!   
      
   >   
   >	"Moustache trimmed?" Jimmy Rabbit asked, when he had finished   
   > with Fatty's head.   
      
    MIKE: Ah yes, the most renowned feature of a raccoon's markings: the   
   moustache.   
      
   >   
   >	"Certainly---of course!" Fatty Raccoon answered.   
      
    CROW: You feel like Fatty shows up a lot in Animal Reddit threads about jerk   
   customers.   
      
   >                                                        And pretty soon   
   > Fatty's long white moustache lay on the floor of the barber-shop.   
      
    CROW: That's *lie* on the floor.   
     TOM: No it's not.   
    MIKE: Do I have to separate you two?   
     TOM: I mean, you do.   
      
   > Fatty felt a bit uneasy as he looked down and saw his beautiful   
   > moustache lying at his feet. "You haven't cut it too short, I hope,"   
   > he said.   
      
    CROW: Aw, c'mon, you're not hardly bleeding at all!   
      
   >   
   >	"No, indeed!" Jimmy Rabbit assured him. "It's the very latest   
   > style."   
      
     TOM: This is all the rage in Raccoon Paris.   
      
   >   
   >	"What on earth has happened to you?" Mrs. Raccoon cried,---when   
   > Fatty reached home that night. "Have you been in a fire?"   
      
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)