XPost: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc, alt.tv.mst3k   
   From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   >     XIV   
   >   
   >	THE BARBER-SHOP AGAIN   
      
    CROW: Barber-Shop *again*?   
    MIKE: Well, spruce it up with some frozen vegetables and bake it into a   
   casserole and it's like new.   
      
   >   
   >	Although Fatty Raccoon never could get Jimmy Rabbit and his   
   > brother to play barber-shop with him again,   
      
     TOM: But if he asked for a rousing game of 'patent attorney'?  They were up   
   for that.   
      
   >                                             Fatty saw no reason why he   
   > should not play the game without them.   
      
    MIKE: [ As Fatty ] 'If they won't humiliate me I'll humiliate myself!'   
      
   >                                        So one day he led his brother   
   > Blackie   
      
     TOM: [ Grunts, in pain ]   
      
   >         over to the old hollow sycamore.   
      
    MIKE: If the sycamore is hollow isn't that a syca-less?   
      
   >                                           His sisters, Fluffy and   
   > Cutey, wanted to go too.   
      
    CROW: Wait, I thought Blackie was one of his sisters?   
     TOM: [ As though tired of explaining ] If Blackie were a girl he'd have long   
   eyelashes and a bow in his hair, Crow.   
      
   >                          But Fatty would not let them. "Girls can't be   
   > barbers," he said.   
      
    MIKE: Ah, see, sexism, it's the flaw keeping Fatty from being too good to be   
   true.   
      
   >                    And of course they could find no answer to that.   
      
     TOM: Heck, they didn't want to talk to him ever again.   
      
   >   
   >	As soon as Fatty and Blackie reached the old sycamore I am   
   > sorry to say that a dispute arose.   
      
    CROW: [ As Narrator ] 'I was hoping to get through one chapter where nothing   
   happened but, tch.'   
      
   >                                    Each of them wanted to use his own   
   > tail for the barber's pole.   
      
    MIKE: Well, I mean, *naturally*.   
      
   >                             They couldn't both stick their tails   
   > through the hole in the tree at the same time. So they finally agreed   
   > to take turns.   
      
    CROW: [ As Narrator ]  'The dispute wasn't exactly the Great Schism of 1054.    
   Sorry if I set your expectations too high.'   
      
   >   
   >	Playing barber-shop wasn't so much fun as they had expected,   
      
    MIKE: [ As Fatty ] 'I don't get it, last time a couple rabbits shaved my face   
   bald and I was hideous for months!  Why isn't this as good?'   
      
   > because nobody would come near to get his hair cut. You see, the   
   > smaller forest- people were all afraid to go inside that old sycamore   
   > where Fatty and Blackie were.   
      
     TOM: They heard it's haunted.   
    MIKE: Fortunately a couple of meddling young goats wandered through town ...   
      
   >                               There was no telling when the two   
   > brothers might get so hungry they would seize and eat a rabbit or a   
   > squirrel or a chipmunk.   
      
     TOM: [ As Blackie ] 'Hey!  I've got self-control, *thank* you.'   
      
   >                         And you know it isn't wise to run any such   
   > risk as that.   
      
    CROW: The marmots, though?  They like their chances.   
      
   >   
   >	Fatty offered to cut Blackie's hair.   
      
     TOM: With what?   
      
   >                                            But Blackie remembered   
   > what his mother had said when Fatty came home with his moustache gone   
   > and his head all rough and uneven.   
      
    MIKE: [ As Blackie ]  'I remember it like it was yesterday!'   
    CROW: [ As Fatty ] 'It *was* yesterday!'   
    MIKE: [ As Blackie ] 'I didn't say it was hard to remember!'   
      
   >                                    So Blackie wouldn't let Fatty touch   
   > him. But HE offered to cut Fatty's hair---what there was left of it.   
      
     TOM: [ As Fatty ] 'But we can't get Jimmy to play with us!'   
    CROW: [ As Jimmy, from a distance ] 'I'm a *rabbit* not a *hare*!'   
      
   >   
   >	"No, thank you!" said Fatty. "I only get my hair cut once a   
   > month." Of course, he had never had his hair cut except that once, in   
   > his whole life.   
      
     TOM: The barber-shop plot is *not* helping me understand the level of   
   anthropomorphization here.   
      
   >   
   >	Now, since there was so little to do inside the hollow tree,   
   > Fatty and Blackie kept quarreling.   
      
    MIKE: I mean, you know, brothers.   
    CROW: They'd come home with black eyes but who could tell?   
      
      
   >                                    Blackie would no sooner stick his   
   > tail through the hole in the side of the tree than Fatty would want   
   > HIS turn.   
      
     TOM: Turns out raccoons are easier to keep occupied than I figured.   
      
   >           And when Fatty had succeeded in squeezing HIS tail out   
   > through the opening Blackie would insist that Fatty's time was up.   
      
    CROW: I'm starting to think this isn't just about the hole.   
      
   >   
   >	It was Fatty's turn, and Blackie was shouting to him to stand   
   > aside and give him a chance.   
      
    MIKE: Man, to think of all the afternoons I spent sticking body parts in tree   
   holes ...   
      
   >   
   >	"I won't!" said Fatty. "I'm going to stay here just as long as   
   > I please."   
      
    CROW: [ Sighing ]  Remember Winnie the Pooh?  Winnie the Pooh was great.   
      
   >   
   >	The words were hardly out of his mouth when he gave a sharp   
   > squeal, as if something hurt him.   
      
     TOM: It's called a brother and that's what they do, yes.  There's punching,   
   there's biting, there's name-calling ...   
      
   >                                   And he tried to pull his tail out of   
   > the hole. He wanted to get it out now. But alas! it would not come!   
      
    CROW: Alack!   
      
   >                                                                     It   
   > was caught fast!   
      
    MIKE: If he can't move isn't it really caught *slow*?   
      
   >                  And the harder Fatty pulled the more it hurt him.   
   >   
   >	"Go out and see what's the matter!" he cried to Blackie.   
      
    CROW: It's a rival barber shop run by Grandfather Mole!   
      
   >   
   >	But Blackie wouldn't stir. He was afraid to leave the shelter   
   > of the hollow tree.   
      
     TOM: Really?  Why?   
      
   >   
   >	"It may be a bear that has hold of your tail," he told Fatty.   
      
    MIKE: Now why would a bear want a used tail?   
     TOM: Better than no tail.   
      
      
   > And somehow, that idea made Fatty tremble all over.   
      
    CROW: 'Somehow'?   
      
   >   
   >	"Oh, dear! oh, dear!" he wailed. "What shall I do? Oh!   
   > whatever shall I do?"   
      
    CROW: I mean, whatever the bear wants you to.   
      
   >                       He began to cry. And Blackie cried too.   
      
    MIKE: Good survival skill here.  Bears are afraid of awkward emotional scenes   
   like this.   
      
   >                                                                How   
   > Fatty wished that his mother was there to tell him what to do!   
      
     TOM: He regrets using up that genie's three wishes all on fudge.   
      
   >   
   >	But he knew of no way to fetch her. Even if she were at home   
   > she could never hear him calling from inside the tree.   
      
    CROW: Unless she's next door visiting Master Meadow Mouse playing savings   
   bank.   
      
   >                                                        So Fatty gave   
   > up all hope of her helping.   
      
     TOM: Dad's not putting on a good show for his kids here.   
    MIKE: [ Nerdy voice ] 'It's biological *authenticity*.'   
      
      
   >   
   >	"Please, Mr. Bear, let go of my tail!" he cried, when he could   
   > stand the pain no longer.   
      
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
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