XPost: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc, alt.tv.mst3k   
   From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   >     XVI   
      
     TOM: Everyone who used to be a Vi, stand up.   
      
   >   
   >	FATTY RACCOON PLAYS ROBBER   
      
    CROW: Stealing Farmer Green's cornfield, as a bit.   
      
   >   
   >	After Fatty Raccoon played barber-shop with Jimmy Rabbit and his   
   > brother it was a long time before he met them again.   
      
    CROW: So Jimmy Rabbit's brother is a figment of his imagination, right?    
   That's why he doesn't have a name?   
      
   >                                                      But one day Fatty   
   > was wandering through the woods when he caught sight of Jimmy. Jimmy   
   > dodged behind a tree.   
      
     TOM: Gee, why?   
      
   >                       And Fatty saw Jimmy's brother peep from behind   
   > another.   
      
    MIKE: One more peep and we turn this forest around and go home.   
      
   >          You see, his ears were so long that they stuck far beyond the   
   > tree,   
      
    CROW: Whoops!   
    MIKE: Be fair, now, why would a rabbit learn how to hide?   
      
   >       and Fatty couldn't help seeing them.   
   >   
   >	"Hello!" Fatty called. "I'm glad to see you."   
      
     TOM: Mwuh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaa!   
      
   >                                                     And he told the   
   > truth, too. He had been trying to find those two brothers for weeks,   
   > because he wanted to get even with them for cutting off his moustache.   
      
    CROW: And hiding his fez and penny-farthing bicycle.   
      
   > Jimmy and his brother hopped out from behind their trees.   
   >   
   >	"Hello!" said Jimmy. "We were just looking for you." Probably   
   > he meant to say, "We were just looking AT you."   
      
     TOM: [ As Fatty ] Well, I was looking *through* you.   
    CROW: [ As Jimmy's brother ] But you're not there.   
     TOM: [ As Fatty ] Like you even exist!   
      
   >                                                 He was somewhat upset   
   > by meeting Fatty; for he knew that Fatty was angry with him.   
   >   
   >	"Oh, ho! You were, were you?" Fatty answered. He began to   
   > slide down the tree he had been climbing.   
      
    MIKE: [ Sings the Batman 66 transition theme, slowly ]   
      
   >   
   >	Jimmy Rabbit and his brother edged a little further away.   
      
    CROW: [ As Jimmy ] Have to ... go ... wax a ... squirrel?   
      
   >   
   >	"Better not come too near us!" he said. "We've both got the   
   > pink-eye, and you don't want to catch it."   
      
     TOM: Why, a pink-eyed raccoon would be adorable!   
    MIKE: Or haunt your nightmares.   
      
   >   
   >	Fatty paused and looked at the brothers.   
      
    MIKE: [ Making air quotes ] 'Brothers'.   
      
   >                                                Sure enough! their   
   > eyes were as pink as anything.   
   >   
   >	"Does it hurt much?" Fatty asked.   
      
    CROW: Only when we look at stuff.   
      
   >   
   >	"Well---it does and it doesn't," Jimmy replied.   
      
    MIKE: [ As Jimmy ] Like, my brother?  Nothing bothers him, because he's made   
   of nothing!  Neat how that works, right?   
      
   >                                                     "I just stuck a   
   > brier into one of my eyes a few minutes ago and it hurt awful, then.   
   > But you'll be perfectly safe, so long as you don't touch us."   
      
     TOM: And you don't jab a brier into your eyes.  Sheesh.   
      
   >   
   >	"How long does it last?" Fatty inquired.   
      
    MIKE: How long do you hold a grudge?   
      
   >   
   >	"Probably we'll never get over it," Jimmy Rabbit said   
   > cheerfully. And his brother nodded his head, as much as to say,   
   > "That's so!"   
      
    CROW: Cut that out!  You don't get to support your brother if you don't exist!   
      
   >   
   >	Fatty Raccoon was just the least bit alarmed. He really thought   
   > that there was something the matter with their eyes.   
      
     TOM: Oh, they just need reading glasses.  It's nothing.   
      
   >                                                      You see, though   
   > the Rabbit brothers' eyes were always pink (for they were born that   
   > way), he had never noticed it before.   
      
    MIKE: Also raccoons are maybe colorblind?  Who knows?   
      
   >                                       So Fatty thought it would be   
   > safer not to go too near them.   
      
    CROW: Fatty is the most bluffable raccoon out there.   
     TOM: He's used to just chewing his way through life.   
      
   >   
   >	"Well, it's too bad," he told Jimmy. "I'm sorry. I wanted to   
   > play with you."   
      
    MIKE: [ As Jimmy ] Oh yeah?  What game?   
     TOM: [ As Fatty ] Well, it's 1915, so the only games are tiddlywinks,   
   whacking each other with rolled-up newspapers, and baseball.   
      
   >   
   >	"Oh, that's all right!" Jimmy said.   
      
    CROW: Hey, there's stuffing ferrets down your trousers, that's something.   
    MIKE: Crow!  They're *children*!   
      
      
   >                                           "We can play, just the   
   > same. I'll tell you what we'll play. We'll play---"   
      
     TOM: PLINKO!  For a chance to win up to FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS!   
   [ MIKE, CROW cheer ]   
   >   
   >	"Not barber-shop!" Fatty interrupted. "I won't play   
   > barber-shop, I never liked that game."   
      
    MIKE: Even though I started playing it with my brother right away.   
      
   >   
   >	Jimmy Rabbit started to smile. But he turned his smile into a   
   > sneeze.   
      
    CROW: Awwwww, bunny sneezes, too adorable!   
      
   >         And he said---   
      
    MIKE: Yes yes, go on?   
      
   >   
   >	"We'll play robber.   
      
     TOM: [ As Fatty ] Robert?   
    MIKE: [ As Jimmy ] Robber.   
      
   >                           You'll like that, I know.   
      
     TOM: [ As Fatty ] But how do you play Robert?   
    MIKE: [ As Jimmy ] It's Robber.  You play a robber.   
      
      
   >                                                     And you can be   
   > the robber. You look like one, anyhow."   
      
     TOM: [ As Fatty ] How can I look like a 'Robert'?  Anyone could look like a   
   'Robert', there's like four kinds of Robert out there.   
    MIKE: [ As Jimmy ] I ... you know what?  Yes.   
      
   >   
   >	That remark made Fatty Raccoon angry.   
      
     TOM: 'You wouldn't like me when I'm angry ... heck, our author doesn't like   
   me at all!'   
      
   >                                             And he wished that Jimmy   
   > hadn't the pink-eye. He would have liked to make an end of him right   
   > then and there.   
      
    CROW: You know what Fatty could use?  A peer group.   
      
   >   
   >	"What do you mean?" he shouted. "Robber nothing! I'm just as   
   > good as you are!"   
      
     TOM: Really curious how this scene plays out in _The Tale of Jimmy Rabbit_.   
      
   >   
   >	"Of course, of course!" Jimmy said hastily. "It's your face,   
   > you know, That black patch covers your eyes just like a robber's mask.   
      
    MIKE: [ As Fatty ] Oh!  I thought you were talking about this giant bag with   
   a dollar sign on it.   
      
   > That's why we want you to be the robber."   
   >   
   >	Fatty had slipped down his tree to the ground; and now he   
   > looked down into the creek.   
      
    CROW: Right next to the mirror department of the forest.   
      
   >                             It was just as Jimmy said. Fatty had never   
   > thought of it before,   
      
    MIKE: But how *do* you tell a cabbage from a lettuce?   
      
   >                       but the black patch of short fur across the   
   > upper part of his face made him look exactly like a robber.   
      
    CROW: Fatty had gone his entire raccoon life without considering human   
   melodrama stage conventions for marking someone a robber.   
      
   >   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)