XPost: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc, alt.tv.mst3k   
   From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   >     XVIII   
   >   
   >	THE LOGGERS COME   
      
    MIKE: Episode 18 ... I don't know, the Star Wars movies aren't doing it for   
   me anymore.   
      
   >   
   >	Fatty Raccoon was frightened;   
      
    CROW: By what?  Everyone in the forest mocking him, Jimmy Rabbit shaving him,   
   or Farmer Green's son trapping him?   
      
   >                                     he had just waked up and he heard a   
   > sound   
      
     TOM: 'Waked up'?   
      
   >       that was exactly like the noise Farmer Green and his hired man   
   > had made when they cut down the tall chestnut tree where he was   
   > perched.   
      
    MIKE: Major breakthrough in the tree-falling-in-a-forest problem.   
      
   >   
   >	"Oh, Mother! What is it?" he cried.   
      
    CROW: 'Oh, Mother!'?  Is Fatty dressed in a Lord Fauntleroy costume?   
      
   >   
   >	"The loggers have come," Mrs. Raccoon said.   
      
    MIKE: Yup, this year's got brood-X cicadas and brood-IV loggers.   
      
      
   >                                                   "They are cutting   
   > down all the big trees in the swamp."   
      
     TOM: The final week of _Pogo_.   
      
   >   
   >	"Then we'll have to move, won't we?" Fatty asked.   
      
    CROW: Picturing Fatty's family tromping off somewhere with a bunch of bindles.   
     TOM: Oh so cute!   
      
   >   
   >	"No! They won't touch this tree," his mother told him.   
      
    MIKE: 'They signed my quitclaim deed, the fools!'   
      
   >                                                              "It's   
   > an old tree, and hollow---so they won't chop it down. It's only the good   
   > sound trees that they'll take."   
      
    CROW: Yeah, keep telling yourself that.   
      
   >   
   >	"But I thought this was a good tree." Fatty was puzzled.   
      
     TOM: Fatty about to learn his home is actually on the wrong side of the deer   
   tracks.   
      
   >   
   >	"So it is, my son! It's a good tree for us.   
      
    CROW: Wallpaper peeling off.   
    MIKE: Cabinet falling loose in the pantry.   
     TOM: Raccoon infestation ... wait, wait.   
      
      
   >                                                   But not for the   
   > loggers. They would have little use for it."   
      
    CROW: But what if the loggers are just jerks?   
      
   >   
   >	Fatty Raccoon felt better when he heard that.   
      
    MIKE: Just to be sure, Mom hires a spider to write out 'SOME RACC' in the   
   branches.   
      
   >                                                     And he had a good   
   > deal of fun, peeping down at the loggers and watching them work.   
      
     TOM: Joking around with that Robin Williams Bat and watching the loggers   
   summon that liquid ooze monster.   
      
   >                                                                  But   
   > he took care that they should not see HIM. He knew what their bright   
   > axes could do.   
      
    CROW: They could curl his moustache!   
      
   >   
   >	When night came Fatty had still more fun.   
      
    MIKE: More fun than watching loggers?  Sure you can handle that, Fatty?   
      
   >                                                 When the loggers   
   > were asleep Fatty went to their camp in the woods beside the brook and   
   > he found many good things to eat.   
      
     TOM: Ah, playing his hits.  Nice.   
      
   >                                   He did not know the names of all the   
   > goodies;   
      
    CROW: 'My name's *Jimmy*!'   
    MIKE: 'Yeah, and I remember your barber shop!   
      
   >          but he ate them just the same. He 'specially liked some   
   > potatoes which the careless cook had left in a pan near the open   
   > camp-fire.   
      
     TOM: Potatoes au gratin?  In only fifteen minutes!   
      
   >            The fire was out.   
      
    MIKE: It had errands in town but if you want to wait, I'll let you know when   
   the fire gets back in.   
      
   >                              And the pan rested on a stump close   
   > beside it. Fatty Raccoon climbed up and crawled right inside the pan.   
      
    CROW: [ As Fatty ] 'FOUND ANOTHER THE MOON!'   
      
   >                                                                       And   
   > after he had had one taste of those potatoes he grew so excited---they   
   > were so good---   
      
     TOM: They weren't *that* good.  They were only *so* good.   
      
   >                that he tipped the pan off the stump and the potatoes   
   > rolled right into the ashes.   
      
    MIKE: Oh no, the potatoes are getting dirt on them!   
      
   >   
   >	Fatty had jumped to one side, when the tin pan fell.   
      
    CROW: [ muttering ] Tin pan ... alley ... all ... eat?   
     TOM: Needs work.   
   [ CROW grunts, agreeing ]   
      
      
   >                                                            It made a   
   > great clatter;   
      
    MIKE: Quick, rush to the window and see what's the matter!   
      
   >                and he kept very still for a few moments, while he   
   > listened. But no one stirred.   
      
    CROW: Not even a mouse.   
      
   >                               And then Fatty jumped plump into the   
   > ashes.   
      
     TOM: Hey, Fatty wins a cricket tournament.   
      
   >   
   >	WHEW! He jumped out again as fast as he could; for beneath the   
   > ashes there were plenty of hot coals.   
      
    MIKE: It's 'hot' as in 'spicy'.  Don't be a food wimp.   
      
   >                                       Fatty stood in them for not more   
   > than three seconds, but that was quite long enough.   
      
     TOM: Don't want to over-braise your raccoons.   
    MIKE: That's ... not braising.   
      
   >                                                     The bottoms of his   
   > feet burned as if a hundred hornets had stung them.   
      
     TOM: Is it parboiling?   
    MIKE: No, not even remotely.   
      
   >   
      
     TOM: Sous-vide?   
    MIKE: I'm not letting you cook anymore.   
      
   >      He stood first on one foot and then on another.   
      
    CROW: And still had two feet to go!   
      
   >                                                       If you could   
   > have seen him you would have thought Fatty was dancing.   
      
    MIKE: It'd be a cakewalk if someone brought some cake.   
      
   >                                                         And you might   
   > have laughed, because he looked funny.   
      
     TOM: [ As Fatty ] 'Hey, I'm in actual pain here!  Also I need potatoes.'   
      
   >   
   >	But Fatty Raccoon did not laugh. In fact, he came very near   
   > crying.   
      
    MIKE: Jeez.  This book was fun back when it was Fatty eating sweet corn.   
    CROW: Tom Batiuk wrote the back half.   
      
   >         And he did not wait to eat another mouthful. He limped along   
   > toward home.   
      
    CROW: Loggers wake up to this scene and figure, job well done.   
      
   >              And it was several days before he stirred out of his   
   > mother's house again. He just lay in his bed and waited until his   
   > burns were well again.   
      
     TOM: Mom writes a note to keep him home from Raccoon School.   
      
   >   
   >	It was very hard.   
      
    CROW: I don't know, I wouldn't mind if I had never stirred from bed since   
   2015.   
      
   >                         For Fatty did not like to think of all those   
   > good things to eat that he was missing.   
      
     TOM: Like ... sausage and Duraflame logs.   
      
   >                                         And he hoped the loggers would   
   > not go away before his feet were well again.   
      
    MIKE: And before he gets his new tongue installed.   
     TOM: It's wireless!   
      
      
   >   
   >   
      
   [ To be continued ... ]   
   --   
                                                                   Joseph Nebus   
    Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com   
   Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com   
      
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