XPost: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc, alt.tv.mst3k   
   From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   >   
   >   
   >       VI   
      
    CROW: Chapter Seven, the prequel.   
      
   >   
   >       MR. MEADOW MOUSE ESCAPES   
      
    JOEL: Wonder what's going to happen this chapter.   
      
   >   
   >       Grumpy Weasel did not like Solomon Owl's offer   
      
     TOM: Two wheat and one ore in exchange for Literacy and Mapmaking?  What   
   kind of offer is that?!   
      
   >                                                      to be   
   > umpire of the hole-crawling contest between Mr. Meadow Mouse   
   > and himself.   
      
    JOEL: ... Busier than a one-beaked umpire at a hole-crawling contest.   
      
   >              He hissed a few times and glared at Solomon Owl,   
      
    CROW: Like they say, the people with the free weasels always hiss first.   
      
   > up in the hemlock tree.   
      
     TOM: Grumpy should run into the hemlock tree's opposite, the inseam-key tree.   
      
   >   
   >       Solomon Owl did not appear to mind that, but calmly   
   > outstared Grumpy Weasel without once blinking.   
      
    JOEL: [ As Solomon ] 'I been hissed at by bigger weasels than you, buck-o.'   
      
   >                                                "Are you both   
   > ready?" he asked presently.   
      
    CROW: You know this is like the biggest mouse anxiety dream after having to   
   give a presentation in class.   
      
   >   
   >       "Yes, thank you!" Mr. Meadow Mouse answered.   
      
     TOM: [ As Meadow ] 'I'll just get ready over ... there ... ' [ Makes a   
   'whoosh' noise ]   
      
   >                                                    And   
   > Grumpy Weasel gave a sort of shrug, as if to say that he   
   > supposed he was.   
      
    JOEL: Grumpy's too cool for school.   
      
   >   
   >       "First you may try that hole between those mossy   
   > stones," Mr. Owl announced, with a tilt of his head toward   
   > the wall.   
      
     TOM: Mossy stones ... hm ... what's your game, old Owl?   
      
   >   
   >       "Certainly!" cried Mr. Meadow Mouse.   
      
    CROW: Remember to wear your microchip shirt so we can time you down to the   
   millisecond.   
      
   >   
   >       "You go first and I'll follow," Grumpy Weasel told   
   > him.   
      
    JOEL: Not going to flip to see who goes first?   
      
   >   
   >       And Mr. Meadow Mouse didn't dare disobey. He whisked   
   > through the hole spryly and was back again in no time.   
      
     TOM: Why, the hole only goes halfway!   
      
   >   
   >       Then Grumpy took his turn.   
      
    JOEL: And *only* his turn.  He's not greedy.   
     TOM: Greedy Muskrat is a whole different book.   
      
      
   >                                  He was certainly quicker   
   > than Mr. Meadow Mouse.   
      
    CROW: [ As Meadow ] 'It's very important I do my *entire* get-r   
   ady-to-do-something routine!'   
     TOM: [ As Meadow, doing Ed Norton ] 'Hello, hole!'   
      
   >                        Even the umpire, Solomon Owl, had to   
   > admit that.   
      
    JOEL: Solomon Owl is not one to gainsay the obvious.   
      
   >   
   >       "But of course that's not the point," Solomon   
   > observed.   
      
     TOM: It might be the tiebreaker, though.   
      
   >           "It's the one that gets stuck in a hole that loses   
   > the contest."   
      
    CROW: Much as in life, yes.   
      
   >   
   >       Well, after Grumpy and Mr. Meadow Mouse had slipped   
   > through several holes, each one smaller than the one before,   
      
     TOM: They must both be shrinking!   
      
   > Mr. Meadow Mouse said that he thought it was only polite to   
   > let Grumpy go first.   
      
    JOEL: That's the sort of thing that'll shake him out of his funk.   
      
   >                      Secretly Mr. Meadow Mouse was afraid of   
   > what might happen if he should have the misfortune to get   
   > wedged in a hole, with Grumpy Weasel ready to follow him.   
      
     TOM: He could just tell Grumpy it's all right to go around him.  Easy.   
      
   >                                                           He   
   > had had some trouble getting through the last one and he knew   
   > that he could never squeeze through one that was much   
   > smaller.   
      
    CROW: Fatty Raccoon wondering what's all this 'squeeze through' talk.   
      
   >   
   >       Grumpy Weasel lost his temper at once.   
      
     TOM: Remember, the loser is the one who throws the first punch.  Except if   
   you're boxing.   
      
   >   
   >       "I'll do as I please on my stone wall!" he snapped.   
      
    JOEL: If you wanna find out what's behind these cold eyes you'll just have to   
   claw your way through this disguise.   
      
   > And he was angrier than ever when Solomon Own said to him,   
   > "It's your turn!"   
      
    CROW: [ As Meadow ] 'Wait, it was that easy all along?  I shoulda tried this   
   *holes* ago!'   
      
   >                   Probably no other of the woods   
   > people---unless it was one of the Hawk family   
      
     TOM: Eagle, Goshawk, Tony, and Parabuteo.   
      
   >                                              ---could have   
   > made Grumpy Weasel obey.   
      
    JOEL: Oh and Jimmy Rabbit now he read that book about hypnosis.   
      
   >                          And now he insisted that if he "went   
   > first" he ought to be allowed to choose whatever hole he   
   > pleased.   
      
     TOM: [ As Solomon ] 'Hmm ... I'll allow it.  But you're on a short leash,   
   counsellor.'   
      
   >   
   >       Both Solomon Owl and Mr. Meadow Mouse agreed.   
      
    JOEL: What sort of name do you think 'Meadow' is?   
     TOM: What sort of name is 'Grumpy'?   
      
      
   >                                                     So   
   > Grumpy Weasel popped through a hole of his own choosing, and   
   > he did not reappear,   
      
    CROW: Wait, I was about to *make* that joke!   
      
   >                      though he called to Mr. Meadow Mouse to   
   > "come on."   
      
    JOEL: [ As Grumpy ] 'You'll love it here in the Shadow Zone!'   
      
   >   
   >       Mr. Meadow Mouse hung back.   
      
     TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'Come on, join me in the Never-Was!'   
      
   >   
   >       "You'll have to excuse me," he stammered.   
      
    CROW: [ As Meadow ] 'I, uh, have a all-hands standup on Zoom in five.  Be   
   right back.'   
      
   >   
   >       "What's the matter?" boomed Solomon Owl. "Do you want   
   > to lose the contest?"   
      
    JOEL: [ As Solomon ] 'Can you settle for being merely Pleasant Valley's   
   *second-best* squeezer-into-things?'   
      
   >   
   >       "No!" said Mr. Meadow Mouse. "But Grumpy Weasel is   
   > still inside that hole. There's no other way out."   
      
     TOM: [ As Torgo ] 'It'll be dark soon, there is no other way out.'   
      
   >   
   >       "How do you know?" Solomon Owl asked him.   
      
    CROW: You know, one cork could solve the whole Grumpy Weasel problem right   
   now.   
      
   >   
   >       "Oh, I've been here before, often," Mr. Meadow Mouse   
   > replied.   
      
     TOM: Often enough to memorize all the one-way holes?   
      
   >   
   >       "Are you sure?" Mr. Owl inquired.   
      
    CROW: Look, there's one hole in the wall that leads to somewhere in the Delta   
   Quadrant where the Caretaker's sampling species, and that's the hole.  What   
   can I tell you?   
      
   >   
   >       "I'll go on the other side of the wall and look," Mr.   
   > Meadow Mouse offered. And thereupon he skipped over the wall.   
      
    JOEL: You know, this really seems more like Meadow Mouse's story here.   
      
   >   
   >       Solomon Owl waited patiently.   
      
     TOM: Wonder what Solomon's whole gambit here is, really.   
      
   >                                     And so did Grumpy   
   > Weasel.   
      
    CROW: So did Peter Mink, but you don't see him making a big fuss over it.   
      
   >         But Mr. Meadow Mouse never came back. Once out of   
   > sight he scampered away.   
      
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
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