XPost: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc, alt.tv.mst3k   
   From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   >   
   >   
   >       XI   
      
    CROW: Xi Xperling, president of the hair club for zmen.   
      
   >   
   >       A LONG RACE   
      
     TOM: The 19th-Century struggle between Britain and Russia for mastery in   
   Afghanistan and how it changed the world!   
      
   >   
   >       The famous race between Grumpy Weasel and Jimmy   
   > Rabbit went on and on.   
      
    JOEL: They stumbled into an existentialist drama without realizing it.   
      
   >                        Jimmy turned and twisted this way and   
   > that,   
      
    CROW: No, not *that* way!   
      
   >       up and down and back and forth   
      
     TOM: *And* Fortran.   
      
   >                                      through Pleasant Valley.   
      
    JOEL: [ As Ted Stryker ] I don't know if we'll ever be through Pleasant Vally.   
      
   > He could still run faster than Grumpy Weasel, it is true.   
      
    CROW: Well, that would seem to settle the race then, wouldn't it?   
      
   >                                                           But   
   > he was growing tired. Now and then Jimmy stopped to rest.   
      
    JOEL: Have you considered calling 'Olly Olly Oxen Free'?   
      
   >                                                           And   
   > he kept hoping that Grumpy Weasel had become so weary that he   
   > had given up the chase.   
      
     TOM: That's it, wait for the creature driven by anger to get over it.   
      
   >   
   >       But Grumpy Weasel never stopped once.   
      
    CROW: He started right in on stopping twice.   
      
   >                                             And whenever   
   > Jimmy Rabbit spied him coming along his trail Jimmy would   
   > spring up with a sigh and rush off again.   
      
    JOEL: [ As Coily ] o/` No sighs!  o/`s`   
      
   >   
   >       He began to understand that such a race was no joke.   
      
     TOM: Jimmy took a frivolous view of the sport of 'Dare Ta to a Foot Race'?   
      
   > He certainly didn't want to lose the race.   
      
    CROW: The only way to race is not to race.   
      
   >                                            And he certainly   
   > didn't want Grumpy Weasel to come up with him.   
      
    JOEL: Maybe Grumpy Weasel will just give you a big hug?   
      
   >                                                He had always   
   > kept at a good safe distance from that ill-natured fellow.   
      
     TOM: Except on Accept-A-Dare Thursdays.   
      
   > And Jimmy felt most uneasy now at the thought of Grumpy's   
   > catching him.   
      
    CROW: [ As Jimmy ] 'What if he tickles me?'   
      
   >   
   >       "He must be very hungry, after running so far," Jimmy   
   > Rabbit said to himself anxiously.   
      
     TOM; [ As Jimmy ] 'Maybe I can get him talking about what kind of protein   
   shakes he likes.'   
      
   >                                   "If he's as hungry as I am   
   > he wouldn't be a pleasant person to meet."   
      
    JOEL: What if you meet him at the Chinese buffet?   
      
   >                                            And that thought   
   > made Jimmy run all the faster, for a time.   
      
    CROW: But he's not running for a time.   
      
   >                                            But he soon found   
   > that he had to stop more often to rest.   
      
     TOM: Jimmy hauls off and smacks a tortoise who wasn't even involved.   
      
   >                                         And to his great   
   > alarm Grumpy Weasel kept drawing nearer all the time.   
      
    JOEL: When in the race do you figure Jimmy realized he forgot to pick a   
   finish line?   
      
   >   
   >       At last Jimmy Rabbit became so worried that he swept   
      
     TOM: Compulsive cleaning is at least a useful way of handling nerves.   
      
   > around by the stone wall again and stopped to whisper to old   
   > Mr. Crow.   
      
    JOEL: [ As Mr Crow ] 'What?  You act like this is my fault somehow!'   
      
   >   
   >       "He's still chasing me. And I can't run forever.   
      
     TOM: isn't that the lyrics from 'The Raccoons'?   
    JOEL: o/` Come run forever ... o/``   
      
   >                                                        What   
   > shall I do?" Jimmy asked the old gentleman.   
      
    CROW: [ As Mr Crow ] 'Have you considered flying?'   
      
   >   
   >       "I'll think the matter over and let you know   
   > to-morrow,"   
      
     TOM: [ As Mr Crow ] 'For a hamburger today.'   
      
   >             Mr. Crow muttered hoarsely. To tell the truth,   
      
    JOEL: Will the real Grumpy Weasel *please* stand up?   
      
   >                                                            he   
   > was alarmed himself.   
      
     TOM: [ As Jimmy ] 'Oh, *he's* alarmed now?!'   
      
   >                      And he had no idea what Jimmy Rabbit   
   > could do to save himself from Grumpy Weasel.   
      
    CROW: Maybe have Paddy Muskrat swim at him?   
      
   >   
   >       While they talked, Grumpy's cousin, Peter Mink,   
   > watched them slyly.   
      
    JOEL: Well not *that* slyly, just sort of slyly-ish-ly.   
      
   >   
   >       "Who do you think is going to win the race?" he   
   > jeered.   
      
     TOM: [ As Mr Crow ] 'Look, why do you want to make everything a horserace?'   
    JOEL: [ As Peter ] 'It's literally a race and neither of them are horses!'   
    CROW: [ As Jimmy ] 'My voice is pretty hoarse!   
      
   >   
   >       Mr. Crow did not even turn his head. He felt very   
   > uncomfortable.   
      
     TOM: Really?  Whatever for?   
      
   >                But he tried to look unconcerned.   
      
    CROW: Don't frown!  .. Oh, perfect!   
      
   >   
   >       "Run along!" he said to Jimmy. "To-morrow I'll tell   
   > you what to do."   
      
    JOEL: Wait!  I just had an idea, Jimmy, put on this Girl Weasel costume and   
   I'll play the sultry music!   
      
   >   
   >       "To-morrow---" Jimmy Rabbit panted---"to-morrow will   
   > be too late."   
      
     TOM: o/` To-morrow will be tooooo laaaaate! o/`   
      
   >   
   >       Then all at once Mr. Crow had an idea.   
      
    CROW: If I could stop Valentine's Day from coming --- but how?   
      
   >                                              And he   
   > whispered something in one of Jimmy Rabbit's long ears   
      
    JOEL: 'Coronet Blue'?!   
      
   >                                                        that   
   > made the poor fellow take heart.   
      
     TOM: Also ears.   
      
   >   
   >       "All right!" Jimmy cried. "I'll see you   
   > again---sometime!"   
      
    CROW: [ As Mr Crow ] 'See you soon!' [ To himself ] 'He's dead.'   
      
   >                    And away he ran, just as Grumpy Weasel   
   > came racing along the stone wall,   
      
    JOEL: He's stonewalling.   
      
   >                                   looking as fresh as a   
   > daisy.   
      
     TOM: Please don't eat the weasels.   
      
   >   
   >       "You'd better stop and rest a while!" Mr. Crow   
   > croaked. "If you get too tired you'll never win."   
      
    CROW: [ As Mr Crow ] 'If this works Jimmy is set!'   
      
   >   
   >       "Rest!" Grumpy exploded. "I don't need to rest! I   
   > never felt better in my life, except that I'm pretty hungry.   
      
     TOM: Aw, you're awfully cute even when you're stuffed, dear.   
      
   > But I'm bound to win this race."   
      
    JOEL: He shows off his giant horseshoe magnet and empty bag of iron baby   
   carrots.   
      
   >                                  As he spoke of feeling   
   > hungry he cast a longing glance at Jimmy Rabbit,   
      
     TOM: [ Makes a zzzzzz noise, like a fishing reel being cast. ]   
      
   >                                                  who was just   
   > dodging out of sight behind a distant tree.   
      
     TOM: Grumpy just went into a bar, made the biker strip naked, didn't even   
   take the clothes.   
    CROW: Did Arthur Scott Bailey ever consider liking his protagonist?   
      
   >   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)