XPost: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc, alt.tv.mst3k   
   From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   >   
   >   
   >       XV   
      
     TOM: That V is actually the top half of a much bigger X.   
      
   >   
   >       THE GREAT MYSTERY   
      
    CROW: Push the button, Watson.   
      
   >   
   >       The story soon spread all around the farmyard,   
      
    JOEL: Sky falling.  Huh.  Well, it'll do that.   
      
   >                                                      how   
   > fat Mrs. Hen   
      
     TOM: How fat is she?   
      
   >              had been seen talking with no less a rascal than   
   > Grumpy Weasel.   
      
    CROW: But not more a rascal than two Tommy Foxes less one Peter Mink!   
      
   >   
   >       Everybody told her that it was a dangerous thing to   
   > do   
      
     TOM: Well if everyone told you it was dangerous to jump off a cliff ... ?   
      
   >    and that it was a wonder she had escaped,   
      
    JOEL: I wonder how she escaped!   
     TOM: Everyone's asking!   
      
   >                                              until Mrs. Hen   
   > began to feel that she was quite the most important person in   
   > the neighborhood.   
      
    CROW: o/` Who are the people in your neighborhood? o/`   
      
   >                   Even old dog Spot asked her some questions   
   > one day---some of which she could answer, and some of which   
   > she could not.   
      
     TOM: Why does it rain?   
    CROW: What's the capital of Nebraska?   
    JOEL: How do you know if it's a leap year?   
    CROW: Why does it Nebraska?   
     TOM: How are trains?   
     JOEL: Will I be licked by purple?   
     CROW: How many are 'a book'?   
      
   >   
   >       For one thing, she couldn't (or wouldn't) tell what   
   > way Grumpy left the farmyard.   
      
     TOM: As a hen it's important she protect her sources.   
      
   >                               "He just jumped back and was   
   > gone before I knew it," she said.   
      
    CROW: [ As Spot ] 'So you don't know he's gone.'   
    JOEL: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'Know who's gone?'   
      
   >   
   >       "That's what they all say," said Spot. "He's so quick   
   > you never can see him go."   
      
     TOM: [ As Spot ] 'But I want you to try.'   
      
   >   
   >       Now, Mrs. Hen ought to have explained that Grumpy   
   > Weasel disappeared from inside the henhouse.   
      
    CROW: I think she could explain from wherever she happened to be.   
      
   >                                              But she was not   
   > a person of much sense.   
      
    JOEL: She's more of a raconteur.   
      
   >                         By that time she began to think that   
   > perhaps Grumpy Weasel was as bad as the neighbors had said.   
      
     TOM: 'Really?  *He's* he guy who keeps putting NewsNation on the TV at the   
   car dealership?'   
      
   > And she was afraid that her relations might find fault with   
   > her   
      
    JOEL: Your tail feathers are out of order, clean it up or we'll report you to   
   the Hen Owners Association.   
      
   >     if they learned that she had invited Grumpy to enter   
   > their house.   
      
     TOM: If he doesn't come to her house how will Grumpy be one of the   
   comfortable people?   
      
   >              Silly Mrs. Hen decided that she wouldn't tell   
   > what she had done.   
      
    CROW: They're going to suspect something when they find a weasel in the   
   pantry, though.   
      
   >                    But she never tired of talking about what   
   > she called "the great mystery"   
      
     TOM: How to unite gravity and electromagnetism!   
      
   >                               ---meaning "Where did Grumpy   
   > Weasel go?"   
      
    JOEL: I love these 'Where's Weasel?' puzzles.   
      
   >   
   >       It was simple enough.   
      
     TOM: The henhouse was twins the whole time!   
      
   >                             To escape meeting old dog Spot,   
   > Grumpy Weasel had crawled into the old rat hole.   
      
    CROW: Templeton!   
    JOEL: [ Shakes his fist ]   
      
   >                                                  It suited   
   > him quite well to do that, for more than one reason.   
      
     TOM: Why do we even *have* a hole that makes rats old?   
      
   >                                                      Not only   
   > did he avoid trouble, but he found the other end of the rat   
   > hole.   
      
    JOEL: It's this great little dive, they do karaoke Mondays, it's awesome.   
      
   >       Silly Mrs. Hen had done exactly as he had hoped. She   
   > had shown him a way to get into the henhouse at night in   
   > spite of locks and bolts and doors.   
      
    CROW: The secret was asking nicely.   
      
   >                                     And Grumpy Weasel went   
   > off to the woods well pleased with himself.   
      
     TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'I'm so happy I have this deep hole in the ground to keep   
   my water!'   
    JOEL: [ Puts his hand on TOM's shoulder. ]   
      
   >   
   >       "Perhaps, after all, it pays to be pleasant," he   
   > said   
      
    CROW: It's nice to be nice ... to the nice.   
      
   >      ---just as if that was a reason! But he stopped short all   
   > at once.   
      
    JOEL: Grumpy's heart grew three sizes that day ... to four below average.   
      
   >          "There's that stupid Mrs. Hen," he cried aloud. "She   
   > was pleasant; but it won't pay her, in the end!"   
      
    CROW: Great little sociopath we've got for our protagonist here.   
     TOM: He's *not* a sociopath.  He's a weasel, he doesn't have a theory of   
   mind so he can't disregard the theory of mind in other people.   
    CROW: ... What?   
      
   >                                                  So he   
   > decided on the spot that he would keep on being surly.   
      
    JOEL: Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry before they're taken out by   
   the surly.   
      
   >                                                        It   
   > would be much easier for him, anyhow.   
      
     TOM: Growing as a person is so hard.   
      
   >   
   >       That very night Grumpy Weasel stole back to the   
   > henhouse.   
      
    CROW: Hens running around wondering where all their back is.   
      
   >           And he was just about to creep up to the old rat   
   > hole,   
      
     TOM: It's $5 Mystery Beer Pitcher night!   
      
   >       pausing first to take a searching look all around, when   
   > he saw a motionless figure sitting on a low-hanging limb of a   
   > tree near-by.   
      
    CROW: [ Gasping ] Gargoyles!   
      
   >               It was Solomon Owl.   
      
    JOEL: Wisdom of Shazam!   
      
   >                                   And Grumpy could see that   
   > he was staring at the rat hole as if he were waiting for   
   > somebody.   
      
     TOM: [ Stage-whispering ] 'He's asleep!'   
    CROW: [ Snores ]   
      
   >   
   >       Grumpy Weasel knew at once that that rat hole was no   
   > safe place for him.   
      
    JOEL: There are spies everywhere!   
      
   >                     Very gingerly he drew back into a deep   
   > shadow.   
      
     TOM: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa [ Fading out, as though falling; finally, a distant ]   
   Splash!   
      
   >         And as he pondered silently he saw a huge rat step   
   > out of the hole.   
      
    JOEL: [ As Rat ] 'What a night to be young and have my whole life spread out   
   in front of me!'   
      
   >                  Solomon Owl swooped down and grabbed the   
   > fellow before he knew what was happening.   
      
    CROW: [ As the Rat, fading ] 'Someone update my status on the office Slack!'   
      
   >   
   >       Well, Grumpy Weasel saw that all his trouble had gone   
   > for nothing.   
      
     TOM: All that trouble?  Eh, it's nothing.   
      
   >              Silly Mrs. Hen hadn't known what she was talking   
   > about.   
      
    JOEL: In what way, exactly?   
      
   >        If Solomon Owl was in the habit of watching that hole   
   > Grumpy certainly didn't mean to go near it.   
      
    CROW: Oh, you're mean enough to go near it, don't worry.   
      
   >   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)