XPost: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc, alt.tv.mst3k   
   From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   >   
   >   
   >       XX   
      
    JOEL: Someone punched out the story, it's got X's in its eyes.   
      
   >   
   >       A FREE RIDE   
      
     TOM: When you've already paid.   
      
   >   
   >       Inside the jug,   
      
    CROW: [ As Grumpy ] 'Get my mouthpiece on the horn!'   
      
   >                       where he had hidden to escape Henry   
   > Hawk, Grumpy Weasel yawned widely and licked his chops.   
      
     TOM: Oh, at least he has something to snack on while he waits, that's nice.   
      
   >                                                         He   
   > was having a dull time,   
      
    JOEL: He should jus skip to the next scene then.   
      
   >                         waiting until he was sure that Henry   
   > Hawk had given up the chase and gone away.   
      
    CROW: [ As Grumpy ] Are you still out there?   
    JOEL: [ As Henry ] No!  I mean!  ... Oh, you *are* a wily one.   
      
   >   
   >       In a little while Grumpy believed he could venture   
   > out in safety.   
      
     TOM: A little Squirrel Scout came out to ask if she could walk him across   
   the road.   
      
   >                But suddenly, to his great disgust, a wagon   
   > came clattering in from the road   
      
    CROW: Aw, great.  Tourists.   
      
   >                                  and pulled up right beside   
   > the pile of empty barrels near him.   
      
    JOEL: Oh, he would get stuck the day the cooper-monger came to review the   
   wares.   
      
   >   
   >       It was Farmer Brown, driving his old horse Ebenezer.   
      
     TOM: Who'd just been visited by the Ghosts of Preaknesses Past, Present, and   
   Yet To Come.   
      
   > And of course Grumpy Weasel didn't care to show himself just   
   > then,   
      
    JOEL: Weasels are known to be weak to horse types.   
      
   >       especially with old dog Spot nosing around.   
      
    CROW: Hey, we can ask Spot about that capture Fatty Raccoon was talking about!   
      
   >                                                   He had   
   > already heard Spot give several sharp yelps.   
      
     TOM: Spot is reviewing things left and right!  He can't be stopped!   
      
   >   
   >       "That old dog knows I'm here somewhere   
      
    CROW: I mean, you're always *somewhere*.   
     TOM: Not if you don't have object permanence!   
      
   >                                              but he can't   
   > tell exactly where," Grumpy said to himself.   
      
    JOEL: Aw, go ahead and tell him, he won't gossip.   
      
   >                                              "He can yelp his   
   > head off, for all I care."   
      
     TOM: Not in the Snuffy Smith way!  That way's odd.   
      
   >   
   >       And then Spot began to whine, and run in and out   
   > among the barrels,   
      
    JOEL: Hey, those aren't barrels of wine.   
      
   >                    until he all but tripped Farmer Green, who   
   > was loading the barrels into the wagon.   
      
     TOM: Sneaking more Marx Brothers into the story!   
      
   >   
   >       "Let him whine!" said Grumpy Weasel softly.   
      
    JOEL: Oh please don't, it makes the neighbors tense.   
      
   >                                                   "His   
   > yelping and whining don't scare me. He can't get inside this   
   > jug of mine.   
      
     TOM: This little jug of mine, I'm gonna let it shine.   
      
   >              And I certainly shan't leave it so long as he   
   > stays here."   
      
    CROW: Once he leaves, though, maybe I shan.   
      
   >   
   >       Meanwhile he could hear Farmer Green talking to old   
   > Spot, telling him not to be silly.   
      
    JOEL: [ As Spot ] 'But ... I got my clown makeup out and *everything*!   
      
   >   
   >       "From the way you're acting anybody might think there   
   > was a bear around here," he told Spot.   
      
     TOM: [ As a Bear ] 'I am!  ... ... uh ... rawr?'   
      
   >   
   >       Old dog Spot explained to Farmer Green in no   
   > uncertain fashion that it was no bear---but a weasel   
      
    CROW: Or as the Germans call them, 'a sneaky pounce bear'.   
      
   >                                                     ---that   
   > he was looking for. His nose told him that.   
      
    JOEL: Tattletale!   
     TOM: Tattle*nose*.   
      
   >                                             And there was no   
   > mistake about it. But somehow Farmer Green couldn't   
   > understand a word he said.   
      
    CROW: Try telling him in Law French!   
    JOEL: Why?   
    CROW: I just like there's such a thing as 'Law French'.   
      
   >                            So after putting the last barrel   
   > on the load Farmer Green climbed up himself and started to   
   > drive off.   
      
     TOM: Donkey Kong: The Prequel Menace.   
      
   >   
   >       But old dog Spot wouldn't budge an inch.   
      
    CROW: Inches are the most stubborn creatures on the farmyard.   
      
   >                                                He hovered   
   > about the jug where Grumpy Weasel was hiding and made such a   
   > fuss that Farmer Green looked back at him.   
      
     TOM: Little nip for the dog that bit you?   
      
   >   
   >       "Well! well!" he exclaimed.   
      
    JOEL: [ As Farmer Green ] 'A dog that can hover!  You're sure to win the   
   County Floating Contest!'   
      
   >                                   And he stopped the horse   
   > Ebenezer and jumped down and walked back again.   
      
    CROW: [ As Ebeneezer ] A visitation from the Ghost of Small Errands Yet To   
   Run!   
      
   >   
   >       "I declare I'd have forgotten to take this jug if you   
   > hadn't reminded me of it," he told Spot.   
      
    JOEL: Farmer Green believes his pets worry about unfinished chores.   
      
   >                                          And thereupon he   
   > picked up the jug and set it in the back of the wagon.   
      
     TOM: Old Weasel, 100 proof.   
      
   >   
   >       This time Spot followed.   
      
    CROW: Follow the Spots.   
    JOEL: Leaves a little dotted line like Billy in The Family Circus.   
      
   >                                This time he was in the   
   > wagon before Farmer Green was.   
      
     TOM: He wants the front seat.   
      
   >                                And all the way down the road,   
   > until they reached the farmyard, he acted (or so Farmer Green   
   > told him!) like a simpleton.   
      
    JOEL: [ As Farmer Green ] 'Yep, ol' Spot, it's really easy.  They're going to   
   look at my jug full of weasel and they're going to say, 'Now, Daniel Green, we   
   know you can't build a full-grown weasel in a bottle like that, and we know   
   you can't fit a baby    
   weasel in there and grow him up inside, so how did you get a full-grown weasel   
   in side there?'  And I'll slap my knee and tell them, 'It's all easy once you   
   remember that my first name is Richard'.'   
      
   >   
   >       The whole affair made Grumpy Weasel terribly angry.   
      
     TOM: Luckily, 'Angry' is his middle name.   
    CROW: You suppose his parents named him?   
      
   > He thought it was an outrage for Farmer Green to kidnap him   
   > like that.   
      
    CROW: Well sorry, I don't see *you* suggesting better ways to kidnap yourself.   
      
   >            And he was so enraged that he would have taken a   
   > bite out of anything handy.   
      
    JOEL: Even crime.   
      
   >                             But there wasn't a thing in the   
   > jug except himself.   
      
     TOM: And he can't do that, that's Meany Weasel's thing.   
      
   >   
   >       At last the strange party drew up in front of the   
   > barn and stopped.   
      
    CROW: 'Strange' party?   
    JOEL: Yeah, like you have to come dressed as your third-favorite commedia   
   dell'arte character and the music is entirely that twenty-minute cover of 'Sex   
   Dwarf' that sounds like it was done tranquilized.   
      
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
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    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)