XPost: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc, alt.tv.mst3k   
   From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   >   
   >   
   >       XXVI   
      
    JOEL: You mean 'XXV *me*'.   
      
   >   
   >       HOW GRUMPY HELPED   
      
     TOM: Did it involve grumping?  I bet grumping paid a part.   
    JOEL: It was the Shake-n-Bake.   
      
   >   
   >       Grumpy Weasel wondered how Peter Mink was going to   
   > get Mr. Snowy Owl out of Pleasant Valley.   
      
    CROW: How many minks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a   
   Tootsie Pop?   
      
   >                                           He had never   
   > dreamed that Peter could do it.   
      
     TOM: What do you suppose Grumpy's dreams are like?   
    JOEL: I bet he has the one where he's in school but he's wearing clothes.   
      
   >                                 But as he thought the matter   
   > over he remembered that Peter was a good deal bigger than   
   > himself.   
      
    CROW: He had to think to remember that?   
      
   >   
   >       "If I were Peter Mink's size   
      
     TOM: Wait, then whose size would Peter Mink have?   
      
   >                                    I would give Mr. Snowy   
   > Owl the worst punishing he ever had!"   
      
    JOEL: If you're that much smaller now you can give him a pretty poor   
   punishing.   
    CROW: [ As Peter ] 'Yeah, uh meanwhile, my leg caught in the trap?  Can we   
   work on that a little?'   
      
   >                                       Grumpy exclaimed under   
   > his breath.   
      
    CROW: [ As Peter ] 'Cause, you know, the blood loss ... '   
      
   >             "So maybe Peter can do as he claims, after all."   
      
    CROW: [ As Peter ] 'Cause I'm kind of seeing dead relatives a little?  Oh,   
   there's Jimmy Rabbit's brother?'   
      
   >   
   >       "Very well!" Grumpy Weasel told Peter Mink. "This is   
   > a bargain.   
      
     TOM: Now would you like to trade it for what's inside the box?   
      
   >            I'll help you out of the trap. And you'll rid   
   > Pleasant Valley of Mr. Snowy Owl by April Fool's Day."   
      
    CROW: Thinking how rough Peter's going to have explaining 'March' to an owl.   
      
   >   
   >       "Agreed!" Peter Mink cried. "And now, how are you   
   > going to set me free?"   
      
     TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'I'll use my third and final wish!'   
      
   >   
   >       "I'm going to bite your leg off," Grumpy Weasel said   
   > cheerfully.   
      
    CROW: Grumpy Weasel *is* Doctor Forrester talking to TV's Frank.   
      
   >   
   >       "Oh, no! You're not going to do that!" Peter Mink   
   > howled.   
      
     TOM: Now let's be reasonable, what if he bites it right back on?   
      
   >         "I don't want you to do that!"   
      
    JOEL: Well, what if he just bites it half-off?  Compromise?   
      
   >   
   >       "I made a bargain with you," Grumpy Weasel reminded   
   > him, "and I intend to carry out my part of it."   
      
    CROW: The quality of mercy is not weasels ...   
      
   >   
   >       "Stop a moment," Peter Mink cried.   
      
     TOM: [ As Peter ] 'Is my leg really going to fit in you?  I'm completely   
   lost on the relative sizes of minks and weasels, sorry.'   
      
   >                                          For Grumpy Weasel,   
   > with his back arched like a cat's,   
      
    JOEL: Oh, now he's going to pick a fight with a cat for copying his   
   back-arching.   
      
   >                                    and his white whiskers   
   > twitching, had already taken a step towards him.   
      
     TOM: [ As Darth Vader ] 'Peter ... *I* am your weasel.'   
      
   >                                                  "If you bite   
   > off my leg I'd never be able to get rid of Mr. Snowy Owl."   
      
    CROW: What if you bit off the trap?  Maybe that would help?   
      
   >   
   >       That brought Grumpy Weasel up short.   
      
    JOEL: [ As Grumpy ] 'Are you making fun of my size?'   
     TOM: [ As Peter ] 'What?  That was Arthur Scott Bailey, go bite *his* leg   
   off!'   
      
    CROW: Anyway he was making fun of your lack of size.   
      
   >                                            He thought   
   > deeply for a moment; and then he exclaimed: "I have it!   
      
    CROW: [ As Grumpy ] 'We'll set you in a bath and see if you weigh as much as   
   your weight in gold!'   
      
   >                                                         You   
   > must bite off your own leg!"   
      
    JOEL: Well then what does he need *you* for, Grumpy?   
      
   >   
   >       But Peter Mink proved a hard one to please.   
      
     TOM: He's awfully hung up on this 'body integrity' thing.   
      
   >   
   >       "You don't understand!" he said.   
      
    CROW: [ As Peter ] 'Let me explain!  Snorgelty blother nad flopnagle!'   
    JOEL: And stoop!   
      
   >                                        "If I lose a leg I   
   > know I never could get Mr. Snowy Owl out of the valley."   
      
     TOM: He'll be stuck doing all these circles.   
      
   >   
   >       At that Grumpy Weasel lost his temper completely.   
      
    JOEL: Now what'll he do without his temper?   
      
   > With a cry of rage he sprang at his cousin, Peter Mink,   
      
    CROW: Found it!   
      
   > prisoner though he was. And Grumpy would have buried his   
   > white teeth in him except for just one thing.   
      
     TOM: Plaque.   
      
   >                                               As he leaped   
   > forward Peter Mink leaped backward.   
      
    JOEL: Bonk!   
    CROW: [ As Peter ] '*My* backward!'   
      
   >                                     And in that moment Peter   
   > freed himself.   
      
     TOM: Turns out legs just pop off!   
    CROW: Pop goes the mink-le?   
      
   >                He had been caught only by the merest tip of a   
   > toe, anyhow.   
      
    CROW: Whaaat?   
    JOEL: Oh sure, *now* it turns out he was barely caught.   
      
   >              And now he crouched with his back against the   
   > bank of the brook, facing Grumpy Weasel with mouth wide open.   
      
     TOM: Close your mouth, were you raised in a barn?   
    CROW: *Yes*.   
      
   > His meekness had dropped off him like an old coat.   
      
    JOEL: And top hat.   
      
   >                                                    And Grumpy   
   > Weasel knew better than to get within his reach. In fact he   
   > turned polite himself, all at once.   
      
    CROW: You know what this needs?  Someone bringing up politics.   
      
   >   
   >       "There!" he said. "I got you out of the trap, as I   
   > had planned to all the time.   
      
     TOM: He figured to keep talking until Arthur Scott Bailey was done with the   
   whole 'mink trap' thing.   
      
   >                              I knew that if I could make you   
   > jump you'd pull your foot loose."   
      
    JOEL: Now kick off your Sunday shoes.   
      
   >   
   >       Well, Peter Mink hardly believed that. But he thought   
   > there was no use of saying so.   
      
     TOM: No sense crying over spilt mink.   
      
   >   
   >       He was glad enough to escape Farmer Green's hired   
   > man's trap without having a dispute over the way it happened.   
      
    CROW: Does suggest Peter Mink wasn't trying before.   
    JOEL: He saw a chance to engage with Grumpy and it didn't work out great, but   
   you respect him for reaching out.   
      
   >   
   >       "I hope you'll keep your promise," Grumpy told Peter   
   > Mink.   
      
     TOM: I don't know, does it take any special food or something?   
      
   >       "If Mr. Snowy Owl doesn't leave these parts by April   
   > Fool's Day I won't like it very well.   
      
    CROW: What day is it now?   
    JOEL: April 3rd.   
    CROW: D'oh!   
      
   >                                       You know you agreed to   
   > get him away from here by that time."   
      
     TOM: [ As Peter ] 'I know that!  You don't have to bite my leg off!'   
    CROW: [ As Grumpy ] 'Are we sure of that?'   
      
   >   
   >       "Oh! He'll be gone by then," said Peter Mink lightly.   
      
      
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