XPost: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc, alt.tv.mst3k   
   From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
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   >         [Illustration: 8 The Great Race]   
      
    CROW: Figure 1.  Tony Curtis.   
    JOEL: Any questions?   
      
   >   
   >         Chapter 8   
   >   
   >         The Great Race   
      
     TOM: I've seen greater.   
      
   >   
   >   
   >         On the morning of his great race with Mr. Turtle,   
      
    JOEL: Mister _Great_ Turtle.   
      
   > Jimmy Rabbit was at the creek bright and early.   
      
    CROW: [ Yawns ]   
     TOM: [ Yawns more dramatically ]   
    JOEL: Boy, Mondays, right?   
      
   >                                                 He brought   
   > his two brothers with him, to see the fun.   
      
    JOEL: Oh.   
    CROW: Right.   
     TOM: His ... 'brothers' ... now.  Oh dear.   
      
   >                                            And he found that   
   > there were others, too, who had heard of the sport and had   
   > come to enjoy it.   
      
    CROW: Turtle racing!  The sport of kings who don't have a lot going on.   
      
   >                   Frisky Squirrel was there,   
      
    JOEL: We went to the animal fair, Frisky the Squirrel was there.   
      
   >                                              and Billy   
   > Woodchuck, and Fatty Raccoon.   
      
    CROW: *This* far up the hill?   
      
   >                               Then there was old Mr. Crow,   
   > who was always on hand whenever a crowd gathered.   
      
     TOM: Yeah, old 'can't mind his own business' Crow.   
    CROW: Rrrr!   
      
   >                                                   And perhaps   
   > the pleasantest and most interested of all was Tommy Fox.   
      
    JOEL: But we'll check with the judges and let you know who won the   
   pleasantest and most interested title, after this word from our sponsor.   
      
   >   
   >         "I hope you'll let me have a ride on your new sled   
   > when the first snow comes," he said to Jimmy Rabbit. "For, of   
   > course, you'll win the race. And Mr. Turtle will have to give   
   > you the sled, as he promised."   
      
    CROW: Everyone understand the premise?  Any questions?   
      
   >   
   >         "I'll see," said Jimmy. And that was all the answer   
   > he would give.   
      
     TOM: Saaaay.  I'm starting think there'll be some trickery in this race.   
      
   >   
   >         But Tommy Fox seemed satisfied.   
      
    CROW: Apart from how his mother always liked his brother Dick best.   
      
   >   
   >         "I'm going to run along beside you," he told Jimmy,   
   > "to keep you company.   
      
    JOEL: [ As Tommy ] That's how satisfied I am!  I'm going to watch every   
   second of this!   
      
   >                       And I'll wait at Broad Brook with you,   
   > to see the fun when Mr. Turtle gets there. For everyone knows   
   > that you're going to win the race."   
      
     TOM: And once you do, it'll be a short step to taking over the world!  ...   
   That is what the race is about, right?   
      
   >   
   >         "I fully expect to," said Jimmy.   
      
    CROW: OK, who are you and what did you do with Jimmy?   
      
   >   
   >         Then Tommy drew a line in the sand.   
      
     TOM: Ultimatums *this* early in the day?   
      
   >   
   >         "Here's where you start!" he said.   
      
    JOEL: Poor Tommy isn't a referee, he just wants so much to be part of things   
   he's writing a role for himself.   
     TOM: It's like that old story about the guy who just took an office until   
   everyone figured he worked there.   
      
   >   
   >         And Mr. Turtle and Jimmy Rabbit toed the mark.   
      
    CROW: Mister Turtle!  When did you get here?   
    JOEL: Mister Turtle has always been here.   
      
   >   
   >         "One, two, three--go!" cried Tommy Fox.   
      
     TOM: Now stop!  Now go but at half speed!  Now fall over!   
      
   >                                                 And with that   
   > they were off. In no time at all Jimmy Rabbit had run so far   
   > that Mr. Turtle lost sight of him.   
      
    CROW: [ As Mr Turtle ] Success!  He's gone!   
      
   >   
   >         "Just as I expected!" Tommy Fox said to Jimmy Rabbit.   
      
    JOEL: [ As Tommy ] Microplastics!   
      
   > They were in the woods now, and not far from Broad Brook.   
   > "There's no need of hurrying," Tommy remarked. "You can reach   
   > the brook quickly enough.   
      
    CROW: Tom, are you trying to beat the spread?   
      
   >                           It will be late in the afternoon   
   > before Mr. Turtle gets this far. I see you're a little out of   
   > breath.   
      
     TOM: You know I'm offering Breath-as-a-Service subscriptions at 15 percent   
   off this month only.   
      
   >         Why don't you lie down and rest? I'd take a nap, if I   
   > were you.   
      
    CROW: But you being you and not me, you're going to stay awake?   
      
   >           And I'll wake you in time for you to win the race."   
      
    JOEL: Hey, isn't this how Rat got the Cat cut out of the Chinese Zodiac?   
      
   >   
   >         "That's a good idea," Jimmy Rabbit said. "I'll do   
   > it!" And he lay down on the ground and went to sleep.   
      
    CROW: Oh, so envious of people who can sleep anywhere.  I need five special   
   pillows and three melatonins and still get twenty minutes at a time.   
      
   >   
   >         Late in the afternoon there were as many people at   
   > Broad Brook to see the finish of the race as there had been   
   > at the creek in the morning to watch the start.   
      
     TOM: Getting some good retention in crowd size here.   
      
   >   
   >         "I don't see where Jimmy can be," said Frisky   
   > Squirrel.   
      
    CROW: Maybe he escaped to France?   
      
   >           "His brothers are both here--and they can't run as   
   > fast as he can."   
      
    JOEL: [ Wincing, inhaling to groan ]   
      
   >                  But no one seemed to know what had become of   
   > Jimmy Rabbit.   
      
     TOM: Whatever happened to Jimmy Rabbit?   
    CROW: He could've been friends with Bette Davis!   
      
   >   
   >         "I'm afraid he's going to lose his wheelbarrow,"   
   > Tommy Fox finally said.   
      
    JOEL: This wheelbarrow seems like it's been more trouble than it's worth.   
      
   >                         "If he loses the race, he'll have to   
   > give his wheelbarrow to Mr. Turtle, just as he promised."   
      
     TOM: Crowd looks at each other realizing they're only now getting it.   
      
   >                                                           And   
   > Tommy didn't seem at all sorry at such a thought.   
      
    CROW: Why is this wheelbarrow so important to you, Tom?   
     TOM: Look, it's a _barrow_ with _wheels_, okay?   
      
   >   
   >         "I hear some one coming!" Billy Woodchuck cried a   
   > little later. He had very sharp ears.   
      
    JOEL: But everyone is already here!   
      
   >   
   >         "And I can _see_ somebody!" Fatty Raccoon exclaimed.   
   > _He_ had very sharp eyes.   
      
    CROW: The famed raccoon eyesight.   
     TOM: I refuse to believe Fatty can see anything that doesn't come with mayo.   
      
   >   
   >         And sure enough! Pretty soon they all saw Mr. Turtle   
   > waddle out of the woods and hurry toward them.   
      
    JOEL: Yup, any day now.   
      
   >   
   >         Tommy Fox began to dance and sing.   
      
    CROW: [ Looking at TOM ] Seriously, what _is_ this about?   
      
   >   
   >         "He's going to win! He's going to win!" he said, over   
   > and over again.   
      
    JOEL: Charlie Brown is going to win the motocross!   
      
   >   
   >         And it certainly did look as if that was just what   
   > was going to happen.   
      
     TOM: What the?  Jimmy Rabbit appears --- and he's got a chair!  Where is the   
   ref?   
      
   >   
   >         Tommy drew a mark in the sand near the brook. "As   
   > soon as he crosses this line, he'll win the race!" he   
   > shouted.   
      
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
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