XPost: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc, alt.tv.mst3k   
   From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   >   
   >         [Illustration]   
   >   
   >   
   >   
   >   
   >         [Illustration: 11 A Slight Dispute]   
      
    CROW: Well, which is it?   
      
   >   
   >         Chapter 11   
      
     TOM: Chapter II: The Wrath of Khan.   
      
   >   
   >         A Slight Dispute   
      
    JOEL: That's not a slight, *that*'s a slight.   
     TOM: Kind audience, that's the dispute.   
      
   >   
   >   
   >         You may have heard somewhere of Uncle Jerry Chuck.   
      
    CROW: You're allowed.  We're not judging you if you have.   
      
   >                                                            He   
   > was an old woodchuck who lived in Farmer Green's pasture.   
      
    JOEL: [ Chucking ] Oh, *that* Uncle Jerry Chuck!   
      
   >                                                           And   
   > he was known far and wide as the stingiest person in Pleasant   
   > Valley. He never paid for anything if he could possibly help   
   > it.   
      
     TOM: What is he going to pay for?   
    CROW: Having too many first names.   
      
   >   
   >         Well, Uncle Jerry had the toothache.   
      
    JOEL: *The* toothache?   
      
   >                                              That was nothing   
   > new for him, either. He often had the toothache.   
      
    CROW: This is that thing where people talk about being on The Facebook,   
   right?  Only for old-timey people?   
      
   >                                                  And it was   
   > always the same tooth, too--because he had only one in his   
   > head.   
      
     TOM: Oh, well, _the_toothache makes sense then.  Grammar police give this   
   one an all-clear.   
      
   >       But he never would go and have his tooth pulled,   
      
    CROW: Grammar police give this an all-clear?   
     TOM: Look, I panicked, okay?  We don't okay these things often.   
      
   > because he simply _hated_ the thought of paying anyone to   
   > take it out.   
      
    JOEL: He wants to entertain his tooth at home.   
      
   >              He had an idea that _he_ was the one who should   
   > be paid. But he never could find a dentist who looked at the   
   > matter in that light.   
      
     TOM: How many animal dentists are there in Pleasant Valley?   
    CROW: Oh, he's travelled the world looking for a good tooth pull.   
      
   >   
   >         Uncle Jerry was strolling through the woods.   
      
    JOEL: I feel like he should be meeting Wirt and Greg.   
      
   >                                                      He had a   
   > big red handkerchief tied about his face, because it was a   
   > cold day.   
      
     TOM: Well, *duh*, why would you tie a big red handkerchief about your face   
   if it *weren't* a cold day?   
      
   >           And he was getting very tired of the toothache. He   
   > was just wishing that he could get rid of it--for nothing.   
      
    CROW: Oh, you're going to have to wait for Recycle-Rama Days, then the   
   county'll take it off your hands.   
      
   >                                                            He   
   > even thought he would be willing to part with that tooth   
   > without asking any pay for it,   
      
    JOEL: It's a loss-leader, he's hoping to trick someone into a subscription   
   where he sends a body part each month.   
      
   >                                when what should he see right   
   > in front of him but a big sign, which said:   
      
     TOM: 'Dooryard Sale this doorweekend!'   
      
   >   
   >         JAMES RABBIT TOOTH PULLER   
      
    CROW: [ As Jerry ] Now who do I know has a James Rabbit Tooth?   
      
   >   
   >         "Hello!" said Uncle Jerry. "Here's something new!   
      
    JOEL: [ As Jerry ] A rabbit!  What will they think of next?   
      
   > I've never noticed that sign before." And he stepped inside   
   > the hollow stump to which the sign was nailed.   
      
     TOM: You suppose they made that sign out of wood from that tree?   
      
   >   
   >         And there he found Jimmy Rabbit, in a white apron,   
   > and with a pair of pincers in his hand. Frisky Squirrel was   
   > there, too, sitting in a corner and holding onto his head.   
      
    CROW: _Very_ confused kitchen staff at this restaurant.   
      
   >   
   >         "What are your prices?" Uncle Jerry asked.   
      
    JOEL: Steel 186, Anaconda 74, American Can 138.   
      
   >   
   >         "An ear of corn for a tooth!" said Jimmy Rabbit   
   > promptly.   
      
     TOM: That's a tough corn.  What do you have in ceramic eggs?   
      
   >   
   >         "That's reasonable enough," Uncle Jerry Chuck   
   > replied.   
      
    CROW: Like to see *you* reason with an ear of corn.   
    JOEL: [ Confused ] What?   
   >          And he sat down at once. "Go ahead!" he said.   
      
     TOM: See if I care!   
      
   >   
   >         Jimmy Rabbit was delighted.   
   >   
   >         "Which one is it?" he asked.   
      
    CROW: The one with the 'Death Before Corn' sign.   
      
   >   
   >         "All of them!" said Uncle Jerry.   
      
    JOEL: I wonder if he's related to Billy Woodchuck.  You know, from the race.   
      
   >   
   >         That was even better than Jimmy had expected.   
      
    CROW: [ As Jimmy ] I don't know what I'm doing but I can do a lot of it!   
      
   >                                                       But   
   > when he looked inside Uncle Jerry's mouth he was   
   > disappointed.   
      
     TOM: Where's the corn?   
      
   >   
   >         "Why, you've only one tooth in your head!" he   
   > exclaimed in his surprise.   
      
    JOEL: [ As Jerry ] Did I _say_ I wanted my mouth teeth removed?   
    CROW, TOM: [ Shudder ]   
      
   >   
   >         "Hurry up!" Uncle Jerry snapped.   
      
     TOM: [ As Jerry ] 'I gotta get out of here before --- before, uh --- '   
    CROW: Two-thirty?   
     TOM: [ As Jerry ] 'Yeah, that's why I'm here!'   
      
   >                                          "I came here to have   
   > a tooth pulled--not _to be talked to_."   
      
    JOEL: Oh no, he's one of *those*.   
      
   >                                         He was always ill   
   > tempered. And his toothache only made him crosser than ever.   
      
    CROW: I bet his tip is a fake Bible verse too.   
      
   >   
   >         So Jimmy Rabbit went to work.   
      
     TOM: Uh ... goodbye?   
      
   >                                       He tugged away with all   
   > his might and main. Now and then Uncle Jerry groaned.   
      
    CROW: [ As Jimmy ] You know, if I got my wheelbarrow I ---   
     TOM: [ As Jerry ]  ENOUGH with the wheelbarrow!   
      
   >                                                       And   
   > whenever he groaned, Jimmy turned pale. For he was somewhat   
   > afraid of the old gentleman.   
      
    JOEL: Even after he gave that piano to Beth March?   
      
   >   
   >         At last Jimmy tumbled backward, head over heels.   
      
    CROW: Toes before nose.   
     TOM: Ears before tears.   
      
   >                                                          That   
   > was when the tooth came out.   
   >   
   >         "Well, you were long enough about it, I must say!"   
      
    JOEL: You know this is where the expression 'long in the tooth' comes from.   
      
   > Uncle Jerry Chuck said. "Give me my ear of corn now, for I   
   > must hurry home."   
      
     TOM: What good's an ear of corn to him now?   
    CROW: It's about the having, not the enjoying.   
     TOM: Well, that's *his* failed theory of eudaimonia.   
      
   >   
   >         "Give _you your_ ear of corn?" Jimmy Rabbit cried.   
      
    JOEL: But you have two ears of woodchuck already!   
      
   >                                                            He   
   > could scarcely believe his own ears--and goodness knows they   
   > were big enough to hear anything anybody said.   
      
    CROW: Just because his ears are big doesn't mean they're credulous!   
      
   >   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)