XPost: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc, alt.tv.mst3k   
   From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
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   >         [Illustration: 12 The Strange Man]   
      
    JOEL: Starring Orson Welles.   
      
   >   
   >         Chapter 12   
   >   
   >         The Strange Man   
      
    CROW: I wonder if there's anything strange about a man.   
      
   >   
   >   
   >         A strange man had come to stay at Farmer Green's   
   > house.   
      
     TOM: Well, that is strange.   
      
   >        It was Jasper Jay who brought the news into the woods.   
      
    JOEL: Jasper Jay doesn't have enough going on.   
      
   >   
   >         "He doesn't seem to work with Farmer Green, or the   
   > hired man, either," said Jasper.   
      
    CROW: Maybe he's just a session musician?   
      
   >                                  "When I first saw him he was   
   > sitting on the bank of the river, under a great, brown   
   > umbrella.   
      
     TOM: Oh jeez, you've got picnickers.   
      
   >           But what he was doing I couldn't make out."   
      
    JOEL: Was it smooching?  I bet it was smooching.   
      
   >   
   >         When Jimmy Rabbit heard that, he knew at once that he   
   > wouldn't be able to sleep a wink that night unless he found   
   > out exactly what the strange man was about.   
      
    CROW: Jimmy is terrified of an annoying neighbor moving in and wants to know   
   if there's a bad one right away.   
      
   >                                             So he went off   
   > toward Swift River with a skip and a hop.   
      
     TOM: Oh, that's going to wear his feet unevenly.  He should do two skips and   
   one hop.   
      
   >                                           He was always like   
   > that. Whenever there was a new sight to be seen, Jimmy Rabbit   
   > was sure to be among the first to see it.   
      
    JOEL: And this is even more exciting than the time that not-strange man came   
   to see Farmer Green!   
      
   >   
   >         He had no trouble in finding what he was looking for.   
      
     TOM: Remember, this is in the days before U2 was writing songs.   
      
   > There on the river bank was a huge umbrella. Jimmy was sure   
   > it was the biggest one in the world.   
      
    CROW: [ As Jimmy, embarrassed ] I --- I do not!   
      
   >                                      And under the umbrella   
   > sat the strange man.   
      
    JOEL: Story checks out.   
      
   >                      In one hand he grasped a queerly shaped   
   > board, and a number of sticks;   
      
    CROW: A --- surfing drummer?   
      
   >                                and in the other he held one   
   > of the sticks, with which he kept dabbing at a big, flat   
   > thing that stood in front of him.   
      
    JOEL: Don't start a fire!   
      
   >   
   >         Jimmy Rabbit was puzzled. He stole nearer.   
      
     TOM: 'He stole nearer'?   
    CROW: Yeah, now we have to go straight from 'near' to 'nearest'.   
      
   >                                                    And at   
   > last he had crept so close that when he stood on his hind   
   > legs he could see what the man was working at.   
      
    JOEL: Why it's just a game of Sticks and Board!   
      
   >   
   >         To his great surprise, he discovered that Swift River   
   > was rushing and tumbling across the big, flat object which   
   > was propped upright in front of the stranger.   
      
    CROW: Jimmy Rabbit discovers HDTV.   
     TOM: But since it's 1916 it's just the letters 'H', 'D', 'T', and 'V' near   
   each other.   
      
   >   
   >         Jimmy couldn't understand it. Was the man fishing? he   
   > wondered.   
      
    JOEL: [ As the Strange Man ] Fishing for compliments, yeah!   
     TOM: [ As Jimmy ] Oh, it's very nice whatever you've done, sir!   
      
   >           And how had he managed to get Swift River out of   
   > its banks like that?   
      
    CROW: Levers.   
      
   >   
   >         Jimmy Rabbit began to think that the strange man had   
   > used magic. Why, he wasn't even wet!   
      
     TOM: What I'm hearing is Jimmy has tried to move the Swift River on his own   
   before and failed.   
    CROW: That actually sounds like a charming little prequel chapter.   
      
   >   
   >         And Jimmy turned and ran back home. If he hadn't   
   > happened to meet Mr. Crow, probably he would never have known   
   > to this day what that man was doing.   
      
     TOM: [ As Jimmy ] What was the man doing, Mister Crow?   
    CROW: [ Chuckling ] Well, you see Jimmy ... I have no idea.   
      
   >   
   >         But Mr. Crow knew right away.   
      
    CROW: I'm sorry, an aide is whispering in my ear.   
      
   >   
   >         "That wasn't really Swift River that you saw in front   
   > of him.   
      
     TOM: It was actually the North Branch of the Looking-Glass Tributary to the   
   Swift River.   
      
   >         It was just something that looked like it.... Haven't   
   > you ever seen a picture?" Mr. Crow asked.   
      
    JOEL: [ As Jimmy ] Sure, momma keeps a pitcher full of water on the table   
   before dinner!   
    CROW: [ As Mr Crow ] Oh, this is gonna be a long one.   
      
   >   
   >         Jimmy Rabbit had to admit that he had never had that   
   > pleasure.   
      
     TOM: Our world includes wheelbarrows and May baskets and dooryards but   
   *pictures* are right out.   
      
   >   
   >         "Well!" said Mr. Crow. "I can tell you where you can   
   > see better pictures than that man can make.   
      
    CROW: [ As Jimmy ] Is this about elephants playing with canvases?  'Cause   
   I've seen those and they're just like, meh?   
      
   >                                             He only paints   
   > rivers and mountains, and lakes.   
      
    JOEL: [ As the Strange Man ] And estuaries!  I mean if you have estuaries!   
      
   >                                  But down at Farmer Green's,   
   > all over the front of the barn, you'll find the most   
   > beautiful pictures anyone could ask for.   
      
     TOM: He's seen one picture, you're going to have to give him more to go on.   
      
   >                                          You'll see ladies   
   > riding on horses--standing up, mind you!   
      
    CROW: [ As Jimmy ] How do they get the horses to stand up?   
      
   >                                          And you'll see men   
   > perched one on top of another until they reach the clouds.   
      
    JOEL: [ As Jimmy ] What are the clouds perched on?   
      
   > And animals! There are the oddest looking animals--different   
   > from anything you ever saw in these woods."   
      
     TOM: [ As Jimmy ] I don't know, I've seen almost the whole way around Fatty   
   Raccoon.   
      
   >   
   >         "I'm going right down there," Jimmy Rabbit said. "I'm   
   > very glad to have met you, Mr. Crow.   
      
    CROW: Naturally.   
      
   >                                      And thank you, very   
   > much!" It was not often that Jimmy was so polite.   
      
     TOM: But since it's 1916 and everyone calls everyone else 'Mister' we can't   
   tell more polite from less.   
      
   >   
   >         He was almost afraid that Mr. Crow was playing some   
   > trick on him. But it was all just as Mr. Crow had said--only   
   > ten times more wonderful.   
      
    CROW: Are the woodland creatures keeping their porn stash in the farmer's   
   house?   
    JOEL: [ Buries his head in his hands ]   
      
   >                           And Jimmy Rabbit made up his mind,   
   > before he came away from Farmer Green's barn, that he wanted   
   > to make pictures himself.   
      
     TOM: Hollywood is calling!  In four more years!   
      
   >   
   >         Mr. Crow had said that the strange man, who made the   
   > picture of Swift River, was an artist.   
      
    CROW: As the best artist Jimmy had ever seen, he was the artistest.   
      
   >                                        Well, Jimmy intended   
   > to begin to be an artist the very next day.   
      
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)