XPost: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc, alt.tv.mst3k   
   From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
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   >         [Illustration: 15 Telling Fortunes]   
      
    JOEL: Telling For Tunes, with your host Tom Kennedy!   
      
   >   
   >         Chapter 15   
      
     TOM: This is just chapter 3 times chapter 5 all over again!  We've seen it!   
    CROW: Joel, is this 'product placement'?   
      
   >   
   >         Telling Fortunes   
      
     TOM: Oh, like you can tell fortunes anything these days.   
      
   >   
   >   
   >         At the circus' camp Jimmy Rabbit had seen something   
   > that was very interesting.   
      
    CROW: We didn't mention it before because our narrative is episodic.   
      
   >                            He had watched the sideshow telling   
   > fortunes. And he saw no reason why he should not become a   
   > fortune-teller himself.   
      
    JOEL: If he knew how it would turn out, though ...   
      
   >                         It looked easy enough. All you had to   
   > do was to hold the hand of the person whose fortune you were   
   > telling and say anything that came into your head.   
      
     TOM: And Jimmie sure is one who knows how to hold a hand.   
      
   >                                                    And you   
   > were paid for it, too! That was the best part of it all.   
      
    CROW: Yes, you get paid in woodchuck teeth.   
    JOEL: D'oh!   
      
   >   
   >         As soon as he had eaten the lunch that his mother   
   > gave him,   
      
     TOM: No questions asked.   
      
   >           Jimmy skipped away to ask everyone he met if he   
   > wanted his fortune told.   
      
    CROW: [ As Frisky Squirrel ] But why would I want to know *your* fortune?   
    JOEL: [ As Jimmy ] Oh not this *again*.   
      
      
   >                          And there wasn't a single person who   
   > didn't say "Yes!" at once.   
      
     TOM: Except Louie the Mute Swan!   
      
   >   
   >         "All right!" Jimmy told everybody. "It will cost you   
   > one cabbage....   
      
    JOEL: One cabbage for everybody in the valley!  Wow.   
      
   >                 And you can find me under the big willow near   
   > the brook."   
      
     TOM: You know this was the original inspiration for the Willowbrook Mall.   
      
   >   
   >         "I'll come along with you now," said Fatty Raccoon.   
   > "You can tell my fortune.   
      
    CROW: I'm guessing it involves cookies.   
      
   >                           And afterward I'll go down to   
   > Farmer Green's and get a cabbage for you."   
      
    JOEL: He'll buy it with a used fortune.   
      
   >   
   >         "That won't do!" said Jimmy. "You'll have to give me   
   > the cabbage first."   
      
    CROW: Fatty's head explodes at the idea of giving up food.   
      
   >   
   >         So Fatty hurried down the hill.   
      
    JOEL: [ As Fatty ] I meant to do that!   
      
   >                                         Never before had he   
   > seen so many of his neighbors in Farmer Green's garden.   
      
     TOM: [ As Farmer Green ] This has all the makings of a run on the bank.  ...   
   Wait a minute, I'm not a banker!   
      
   >                                                         And   
   > they were all looking for cabbages. It was quite clear that   
   > Jimmy Rabbit was going to be very busy.   
      
    CROW: Imagine if he liked cabbage.   
      
   >   
   >         Those who could run the fastest had their fortunes   
   > told first, for they were the ones that reached the big   
   > willow the soonest.   
      
     ALL: OooooOOOooooooooh.   
    JOEL: That seems fair.   
      
   >                     And Mr. Fox was the quickest of all.   
      
    CROW: Faster that Mr Crow?  I think *not*.   
     TOM: We know.   
      
   >   
   >         Jimmy Rabbit looked at Mr. Fox's paw.   
      
    JOEL: Fantastic!   
    [ CROW turns to glare at TOM. ]   
      
   >                                               He wouldn't   
   > hold it, as he had seen the tellers hold the hands of the   
   > people who visited them,   
      
    CROW: He's afraid of germs.  You know how it is.   
      
   >                          for he never liked to get too near   
   > Mr. Fox. But Mr. Fox didn't know the difference.   
      
     TOM: [ As Tommy Fox ] I do too!  I'm just *polite*!   
      
   >   
   >         "First I'll tell your _past_," Jimmy said.   
      
    JOEL: [ As Tommy Fox ] Tell my past what?   
      
   >   
   >         But Mr. Fox thought there was no sense in doing that.   
   > "I know all about my past," he said.   
      
    CROW: He's read _the Tale of Tommy Fox_.   
      
   >   
   >         "Well, I'll tell your present, then," said Jimmy   
   > Rabbit.   
      
    JOEL: [ As Tommy Fox ] I get a present too?   
      
   >   
   >         "Oh, that's silly!" Mr. Fox sneered. "You're telling   
   > my fortune--_that's_ what my present is."   
      
     TOM: We Toms know what's going on.   
      
   >   
   >         "Your future, then!" Jimmy continued. "I'll tell your   
   > future."   
      
    CROW: [ As Tommy Fox ] Oh, I don't know.  What else you got?   
      
   >   
   >         "Good!" said Mr. Fox. "That's just what I want."   
      
    JOEL: Oh, everybody gets a future told.  Why doesn't anyone ever just get a   
   chocolate pudding?   
      
   >   
   >         So Jimmy Rabbit looked at his paw again.   
      
     TOM; [ As Tommy Fox ] That's *your* paw.   
    CROW: [ As Jimmy ] Sorry, little nervous.   
      
   >   
   >         "Beware of a dark man!" he said. "He'll make trouble   
   > for you if he can."   
      
    JOEL: Darkman?  They're not rebooting _that_, are they?   
      
   >   
   >         "That must be Farmer Green," Mr. Fox remarked. "I   
   > shall have to be careful."   
      
     TOM: But why would Farmer Green be all riled up?   
      
   >   
   >         "And I see a spotted person chasing you," said Jimmy.   
      
    CROW: Oh no!  Someone with measles!   
      
   >   
   >         Mr. Fox shuddered.   
      
     TOM: Or worse, it's Little Dot!   
      
   >   
   >         "Old dog Spot!" he said. "Hurry and finish! I must be   
   > running along."   
      
    JOEL: He's got to hurry up and get chased by Farmer Green and his dog.   
      
   >                  And he glanced over his shoulder as if he   
   > half expected to see Spot come bounding towards him.   
      
    CROW: You know _Skeptical Inquirer_ is *all* over how this kind of harmless   
   fortune-telling sends people into irrational spasms of activity.   
      
   >   
   >         "You are going on a journey," Jimmy Rabbit told him.   
      
     TOM: [ As Tommy Fox ] Great!  I always wanted to lie down on top of 'Don't   
   Stop Believin'!'   
      
   > "You are going to the other side of Blue Mountain. Beneath   
   > the great oak near the lake" (everybody had heard of the   
   > great oak)   
      
    CROW: (But how many know the *true* story?)   
      
   >            "when the moon comes up to-night, you will find   
   > the surprise of your life.... That's all!" Jimmy said.   
      
     TOM: Oh, and a mighty empire will be destroyed, don't forget that.   
      
   >   
   >         Mr. Fox thought it was well worth one cabbage.   
      
    JOEL: Not worth a cabbage and a half, though.  There's limits.   
      
   >                                                        And he   
   > went off wondering about that surprise.   
      
    CROW: Oh, he's going to want a surprise party, isn't he?   
      
   >   
   >         Jimmy Rabbit told many fortunes that day.   
      
    JOEL: And this is back before they invented fortune cookies so you know he   
   was working for it.   
      
   >                                                   And the   
   > last one of all was Henry Skunk's, because Henry was so slow   
   > in coming up the hill from the garden.   
      
     TOM: You'd have thought the turtle would be last, yet ...   
      
   >   
   >         By the time he had reached Henry Skunk, Jimmy could   
   > think of nothing new to say.   
      
    CROW: He could say 'Blarg jablonk flob horftipibble', that would be new.   
      
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
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