XPost: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc, alt.tv.mst3k   
   From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
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   >         [Illustration: 20 A Queer Cure]   
      
    CROW: Man, Pictionary is hard anymore.   
      
   >   
   >         Chapter 20   
   >   
   >         A Queer Cure   
      
     TOM: Must be a special-interest cover band.   
      
   >   
   >   
   >         When that famous doctor, Aunt Polly Woodchuck,   
   > reached Mrs. Rabbit's house, she said:   
      
    JOEL: [ As Aunt Polly ] Hi, I'm Aunt Polly Woodchuck, the famous doctor!   
      
   >   
   >         "Is Jimmy worse?   
      
     TOM: Than Tommy Fox?  Hard to judge.  Than Grumpy Weasel?  No, he's better   
   than Grumpy Weasel.   
    JOEL: Hey, where was Grumpy Weasel all this time?   
      
   >                          He ought to be almost well by this   
   > time; for mumps don't last long, as a rule."   
      
    CROW: I have no idea whether that's true or not.   
      
   >   
   >         "It isn't Jimmy," Mrs. Rabbit told her. "It's the   
   > hot-water bottle!   
      
     TOM: How does a hot-water bottle get the mumps?   
    JOEL: This is before vaccination.   
      
   >                   I find that it's full of holes; and I can't   
   > think how they came there."   
      
    CROW: [ As Aunt Polly ] Maybe it's where the bottle got vaccinated --- wait,   
   no, that doesn't make sense.  This would be a shot on the rump.   
      
   >   
   >         Aunt Polly put on another pair of spectacles.   
      
    JOEL: Two spectacles!   
     TOM: It's a spectacular!   
      
   >   
   >         "Let me see it!" she said. "Aha!" she exclaimed, as   
   > she looked at the hot-water bottle closely. "I thought so!"   
   > she said.   
      
    CROW: [ As Aunt Polly ] These are *holes*!   
      
   >   
   >         "What is it?" Mrs. Rabbit inquired.   
      
    JOEL: It's a leak collection!   
      
   >                                             "I hope it's   
   > nothing catching. For just think what a fix we'd be in if all   
   > the children should have that same trouble!"   
      
    CROW: How can a broken water bottle be catching?   
     TOM: Hot water potato.   
      
   >   
   >         Aunt Polly told her not to worry.   
      
    JOEL: But she will have to armor-plate her hot water bottles from now on.   
      
   >   
   >         "You'd better get a new bottle," she said, "for this   
   > one can't be cured.   
      
    CROW: [ As Mrs Rabbit ] Noooo!  Hot water bottle, you have so much to live   
   for!   
      
   >                     But I'll show you what to do to prevent   
   > the new hot-water bottle from getting full of holes like this   
   > one.... Get me a piece of string!" said Aunt Polly.   
      
     TOM: If she just puts the hot water bottle inside a leakproof rubber   
   container it'll be fine.   
      
   >   
   >         Now, for some reason or other, Jimmy Rabbit began to   
   > feel very uncomfortable.   
      
    JOEL: He's not going to be able to stay sick until _The Price Is Right_ comes   
   on the air forty years later.   
      
   >                          He was no longer in bed. And when he   
   > heard Aunt Polly ask for a piece of string he started to   
   > sneak out of the room.   
      
    CROW: Finally, Jimmy's long history of string-legging catches up on him.   
     TOM: [ As Jimmy ] Mother of mercy, could this be the end of Jimmy ?   
      
   >   
   >         But Aunt Polly saw him.   
      
    JOEL: Thus began the inevitable, sad shoot-out.   
      
   >   
   >         "Come back here!" she said. "I want you!"   
      
     TOM: Watson!  Come here!   
      
   >                                                   And she   
   > made Jimmy sit at her feet and wait until his mother   
   > returned.   
      
    CROW: Is Mrs Aunt Polly gathering a flock of attendants?   
      
   >   
   >         "Here!" Mrs. Rabbit said when she came back at last.   
      
    JOEL: No, no, it's 'Hello'.   
      
   > "Is this string what you need? It's a very strong piece."   
   >   
   >         "Just the thing!" Aunt Polly told her.   
      
     TOM: As long as it's a *very* strong piece.  If it were a *merely* strong   
   piece this whole scheme could never work.   
      
   >                                                And she took   
   > hold of Jimmy Rabbit.   
      
    CROW: Thinking quickly, Aunt Polly made a megaphone using only a rabbit, a   
   piece of string, and a megaphone.   
      
   >   
   >         He began to howl. And he squirmed. And he would have   
   > kicked, if he had dared.   
      
     TOM: I mean, who wouldn't kick in the presence of string?  That stuff is   
   *string*.   
      
   >   
   >         Aunt Polly Woodchuck did a strange thing then.   
      
    JOEL: Only now it gets strange?   
      
   >                                                        She   
   > hung the hot-water bottle from Jimmy's neck.   
      
    CROW: This would have been maybe my twelfth guess.   
      
   >   
   >         "There!" she said. "Just let him wear that for a few   
   > days!   
      
     TOM: Oh ho!  *Now* Jimmy's chest will be persistently warm!   
      
   >       I don't think you'll have any more trouble with holes   
   > in hot-water bottles."   
      
    JOEL: Wait, is she ... making him leak hot water on his chest?   
     TOM: I know old-timey parenting was weird and bad but the heck?   
      
   >   
   >         "Have you known cases like this before?" Mrs. Rabbit   
   > asked her.   
      
    CROW: [ As Mrs Rabbit ] Cause I have to say, this is weird, and I actually   
   followed what Jimmy did in that race against Mr Turtle.   
     TOM: [ As Aunt Polly ] You DID?  Can you tell me?   
      
   >   
   >         "A few!" said Aunt Polly.   
      
    JOEL: [ As Aunt Polly ] But then again, too few to mention.   
      
   >                                   "And this is by far the   
   > best way to treat them. I've never known it to fail."   
      
     TOM: That's our Aunt Polly, solving problems we don't get in ways we don't   
   understand!   
      
   >   
   >         "It seems to me it's rather hard on Jimmy," Mrs.   
   > Rabbit said.   
      
    CROW: Oh, this is nothing.  Now in phase two we explode this balloon of nails   
   on him!   
      
   >   
   >         "Don't you worry about him!" Aunt Polly told her. "It   
   > will do him a world of good."   
      
    JOEL: Really?   
    CROW: Is this chapter in code?  Are we communicating messages to Pancho Villa?   
      
   >   
   >         Jimmy Rabbit hung his head. He hated to have that   
   > hot-water bottle dangling from his neck.   
      
     TOM: Ha-ha!  Jimmy Rabbit, at last hoisted by his own --- the *heck*?   
      
   >                                          And he made up his   
   > mind that he would never prick another pin-hole in anything   
   > else so long as he lived.   
      
    CROW: [ As though suddenly getting it ] Aaaaah.  ... I don't get it.   
      
   >   
   >         But he was glad of one thing.   
      
    JOEL: That baseball would *never* have a designated hitter rule.   
      
   >                                       He was glad Aunt Polly   
   > hadn't told his mother what he had done.   
      
     TOM: And that Arthur Scott Bailey hadn't told any of us why.   
    CROW: Not explaining what's happening or why gives us readers the chance to   
   contribute.   
      
   >   
   >         [Illustration: The End]   
      
    JOEL: How do you picture The End?   
    CROW: Telegraph operator signing '30'?   
     TOM: I would have figured Fatty Raccoon ordering a demitasse.   
      
   >   
   >   
   >   
   >   
   >   
   >         End of Project Gutenberg's The Tale of Jimmy Rabbit,   
   > by Arthur Scott Bailey   
      
    CROW: Wait, this is *really* it?  Jimmy learns a lesson and it's 'don't poke   
   holes in hot water bottles'?   
    JOEL: It's an evergreen message of hope.   
      
   >   
   >   
   >   
   >         *** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE TALE OF   
   > JIMMY RABBIT ***   
      
     TOM: The story you have just read is true.  Only the names have been changed   
   to protect the crepuscular.   
      
      
   --   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)