XPost: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc, alt.tv.mst3k   
   From: nebusj-@-rpi-.edu   
      
   >                         THE INVISIBLE PLANET   
      
    JOEL: Oh, I haven't seen this.   
      
   >   
   >                            By A B. Crews   
      
    CROW, TOM: [ Chanting ] A B the Crews guy!  A B the Crews guy!   
    JOEL: [ In his own world ] Already Been Crewed gum?   
      
   >   
   > 	"When a fella discovers something,   
      
     TOM: It usually involves a new way to spit.   
      
   >                                          he'd at least like to know   
   > what he's discovered."   
      
    CROW: Oh, I don't know, you want to leave something for the follow-up crew to   
   do.   
      
   > 	   
   > 	That was logic according to Bill Swift   
      
    JOEL: His parents named him after a past-due notice.   
      
   >                                              whenever he told the   
   > story after he learned the secret of the Invisible Planet,   
      
     TOM: That secret: it's got a creamy filling!   
      
   >                                                            but he   
   > wasn't so sure of his own sanity when it all started.   
      
    CROW: You know it's a fascinating story when the characters think it can't   
   happen that way.   
      
   >   
   > 	There he was,   
      
     TOM: Inch by inch!   
    JOEL: Sicily, 1913!   
      
   >                     hurtling through space at fifty miles per second,   
   > looking for something to explore in outer space,   
      
    CROW: Definitely looking for a bathroom.   
      
   >                                                  when he noticed his   
   > automatic speed regulator registering a decrease in velocity.   
      
    JOEL: [ As Bill ] That seems irregular!  What is this regulator even for?   
      
   >                                                               The   
   > regulator was attuned to various atmospheric conditions.   
      
     TOM: Like mackerel skies, or dew points.   
      
   >                                                          In the vacuum   
   > it always kept the ship going at an even rate. But the denser air of   
   > the planets slowed it down for a landing.   
      
    JOEL: Slow down for landing?  You're no fun anymore.   
      
   >                                           And here, in the open   
   > reaches of space, the darn thing was clicking down to landing speed.   
      
    CROW: Of ... zero?   
      
   > Bill looked through the port-hole and saw nothing but black sky and   
   > distant planets.   
      
    JOEL: Also macaroni.  Many kinds, many sizes.  He had to investigate.   
      
   >   
   > 	"I better get her ready for a landing, and steer by the   
   > instruments.   
      
     TOM: They seem to be doing fine without you, Bill.   
    CROW: Bill, are you actually supposed to be doing something else?   
      
   >              There's something very screwy here. Atmospheric   
   > conditions out in the middle of the void."   
      
    JOEL: If you don't meet its conditions the atmosphere won't even get out of   
   bed in the morning.   
     TOM: You know the atmosphere demands you take out all the brown M&Ms just to   
   be sure you read its contract.   
      
   >   
   > 	Suddenly, the ship bounced to a rough landing.   
      
    CROW: Secret of The Invisible Planet?  It's made of trampolines!   
      
   >                                                      Swift landed on   
   > the floor. "Glad the Captain of the Space Fleet wasn't here to see   
   > that bang up!   
      
    JOEL: How do you know he's not?   
      
   >               And speaking of seeing things --- there's not a thing   
   > around here to see, yet I distinctly bumped into something."   
      
    CROW: Who is he talking to?   
     TOM: Jimmy Rabbit's Brother.   
      
      
   >   
   > 	He opened the space lock and peered out into utter blackness.   
      
    JOEL: It's a parking lot.   
     TOM: It's not *that* big.  It's a parking *little*, maybe a parking *medium*.   
      
   > Slowly, he stepped down into what seemed like sheer nothingness and   
   > just as his foot touched a solid surface that he could not see,   
      
    CROW: He's discovered 'Night'.   
      
   >                                                                 he was   
   > roughly grabbed by the shoulders, and dragged further into the void.   
      
    JOEL: Oh no!  Tickle ghosts!   
      
   > Hands were dragging him, but Bill Swift saw no hands.   
      
     TOM: Tickle ghosts using their *feet*!   
      
   >   
   > 	"What's going on here? Who's got me?" Bill pulled and twisted   
   > and tugged at invisible manacles that had been clamped to his wrists.   
      
     TOM: Which was no 'one small step for man' but they aren't all going to be   
   winners.   
      
   > Something gave him a blow from behind,   
      
    CROW: They're tickling him with balloons!   
      
   >                                        and he whirled in anger,   
   > swinging wildly with his shackled hands.   
      
    JOEL: Didn't see *that* coming, did he?   
      
   >   
   > 	He felt his fist contact human flesh, and a woman's scream rang   
   > out!   
      
    CROW: Oh no, he's a cad!   
    JOEL: A bounder even.   
      
   >   
   > 	An Earthman spoke! "That wasn't very gentlemanly of you. Do you   
   > always go about hitting women? And such a beautiful one at that!"   
      
     TOM: Oh, these invisible jailers got *jokes*.   
      
   >   
   > 	A lovely soft voice came to him through the emptiness.   
   > "Naturally, he didn't know I was here, Victor.   
      
    CROW: THE INVISIBLE VICTOR!   
      
   >                                                I am not badly hurt,   
   > but the young man is very strong!"   
      
     TOM: Secret of The Invisible Planet?  Everyone on it is kinda scrawny!   
      
   >   
   > 	"Gee, M'am I'm termibly sorry! I wish someone would tell me what   
   > this is all about!"   
      
    JOEL: [ As Bill ] And make the explanation dumb, I think we need that!   
      
   >   
   > 	The slippery tones of Victor answered him, "You have, unhappily   
   > for yourself, landed on the planet Inviso which,   
      
     TOM: Was named in a huge hurry.   
      
   >                                                  because of its   
   > peculiar immunity to attacking fleets, will, someday, be master of the   
   > universe under my leadership.   
      
    CROW: Finds an Invisible Planet *and* happens to land next to its boss?  Bill   
   has some incredible good luck here.   
      
   >                               We cannot, of course, allow word of this   
   > planet to escape before we are ready for our offensive drive on the   
   > visible planets.   
      
     TOM: [ As the woman ] Victor's not good at keeping secrets.  Uh ... are you?   
      
   >                  Therefore, we shall have to keep you here. You may   
   > prove useful to us someday."   
      
    JOEL: In case we need someone visible who can open jars.   
      
   >   
   > 	"Won't I even be allowed to see where I am?"   
      
    CROW: Does Bill not understand the premise yet?   
      
   >   
   > 	"That would not be very wise on my part.   
      
     TOM: Place is that messy, huh?   
    JOEL: [ As Victor ] Sorry, I kinda live out of my planet.   
      
   t you being a   
   > little harsh, Victor?   
      
     TOM: [ As Bill ] I think he's being a big harsh Victor!   
    JOEL: [ As the woman ] Hush, honey, grown-ups are talking.   
      
   >                       Perhaps ... "   
   >   
   >	"I said no! You will keep out of this, Nadine!" his voice was   
   > sharp and cruel.   
      
     ALL: [ Gasping ]   
    CROW: The beast!  He's named her 'Nadine'!   
    JOEL: You know 'Nadine' is the diminutive for being named 'Nade'.   
      
   >   
   >	Bill was lead away and chained to a wall he could not see.   
      
    CROW: Worse, the wall was covered with invisible graffiti about *him*.   
    JOEL: Secret of The Invisible Planet?  It's well-partitioned.   
      
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)