XPost: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc, alt.tv.mst3k, alt.tv.mst3k.mstings   
   From: rich@REMOVECAPSsanspoint.com   
      
    A MiSTing of President George W. Bush's 2004 State Of The Union Address:   
      
   Tom: How many times do you think he'll mention terror?   
   Crow: At least fifteen.   
   Mike: Maybe more.   
      
   Mr Speaker, Vice President Cheney, Members of Congress, distinguished guests,   
   and fellow citizens:   
   Crow: Does that include us?   
   Mike: Nope   
   Tom: Good   
      
   America this evening is a nation called to great responsibilities. And we are   
   rising to meet them.   
   Tom (Singing): To dream... the impossible dream!   
      
   As we gather tonight, hundreds of thousands of American servicemen and women   
   are deployed across the world in the war on terror.   
   Crow: That's one use of Terror!   
   *Mike makes note*   
      
   By bringing hope to the oppressed, and delivering justice to the violent, they   
   are making America more secure.   
   Tom: Who cares about global stability, as long as we're secure.   
      
   Each day, law enforcement personnel and intelligence officers are tracking   
   terrorist threats;   
   Mike: Some guy named Abdul is buying fertalizer.   
   Tom: To the Homeland Security-Mobile!   
   All: *hum Batman theme*   
      
   analysts are examining airline passenger lists;   
   Crow: Hey! This guy ordered the Halal meal.   
   Tom: Cancel the flight!   
      
   the men and women of our new homeland security department are patrolling our   
   coasts and borders. And their vigilance is protecting America.   
   Mike: Protect us from ourselves. That's the American way.   
      
   Americans are proving once again to be the hardest working people in the   
   world. The American economy is growing stronger. The tax relief you passed is   
   working.   
   Crow: As long as you make over 100k a year.   
      
   Tonight, members of Congress can take pride in great works of compassion and   
   reform that sceptics had thought impossible. You are raising the standards of   
   our public schools;   
   Tom: Says the man who ruined Texas' educational system   
   Crow: "Is our children learning?"   
      
   and you are giving our senior citizens prescription drug coverage under   
   Medicare.   
   Mike: Please vote for me, old folks!   
      
   We have faced serious challenges together and now we face a choice. We can go   
   forward with confidence and resolve -   
   Tom: Or you can vote Democrat   
      
   or we can turn back to the dangerous illusion that terrorists are not plotting   
   and outlaw regimes are no threat to us.   
   Tom: Same thing.   
      
   We can press on with economic growth, and reforms in education and Medicare -   
   Mike: Or you can vote Democrat   
      
   or we can turn back to the old policies and old divisions.   
   Mike: Same thing   
      
   We have not come all this way - through tragedy, and trial, and war - only to   
   falter and leave our work unfinished. Americans are rising to the tasks of   
   history, and they expect the same of us.   
   Crow: Which is why I'm declaring martial law.   
      
   In their efforts, their enterprise, and their character, the American people   
   are showing that the state of our union is confident and strong.   
   Tom: Oh, come on... Enterprise is not confident and strong   
   Mike: Nothing but cheap rehashed plots every week   
      
   Defending America   
   Tom: Acting tough against a vague threat!   
      
   Our greatest responsibility is the active defence of the American people.   
   Crow: By killing Arabs.   
      
   Twenty-eight months have passed since September 11, 2001 - over two years   
   without an attack on American soil - and it is tempting to believe that the   
   danger is behind us.   
   Crow: It's not, but you're not helping.   
      
   That hope is understandable, comforting - and false. The killing has continued   
   in Bali, Jakarta, Casablanca, Riyadh, Mombasa, Jerusalem, Istanbul, and   
   Baghdad.   
   Tom: And soon, we'll be joining the fray!   
   Mike: Manifest Destiny is our destiny!   
   Crow: Go EAST, young man!   
      
   The terrorists continue to plot against America and the civilised world. And   
   by our will and courage, this danger will be defeated.   
   Tom: Two!   
   *Mike makes another note   
      
   Inside the United States, where the war began, we must continue to give   
   homeland security and law enforcement personnel every tool they need to defend   
   us.   
   Mike (As Bush): Like... guns...   
      
   And one of those essential tools is the Patriot Act, which allows federal law   
   enforcement to better share information, to track terrorists, to disrupt their   
   cells, and to seize their assets.   
   Crow: As well as you, and your family.   
   Tom: Bill Of Rights? Who needs it?!   
      
   For years, we have used similar provisions to catch embezzlers and drug   
   traffickers. If these methods are good for hunting criminals, they are even   
   more important for hunting terrorists.   
   Crow: Three!   
   *Mike makes another note.*   
      
   Key provisions of the Patriot Act are set to expire next year.   
   *All cheer*   
      
   The terrorist threat will not expire on that schedule. Our law enforcement   
   needs this vital legislation to protect our citizens - you need to renew the   
   Patriot Act.   
   Tom: And we need to crush your rights. It's all for your own good.   
      
   America is on the offensive against the terrorists who started this war. Last   
   March, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, a mastermind of September 11th, awoke to find   
   himself in the custody of US and Pakistani authorities. Last August 11th   
   brought the capture of the    
   terrorist Hambali, who was a key player in the attack in Indonesia that killed   
   over 200 people.   
   Mike: Where's that Bin Laden fellow, though.   
   Crow: I'm sure he'll get to it by October.   
   Tom: Also, four!   
   *Mike makes note*   
      
   We are tracking al-Qaeda around the world, and nearly two-thirds of their   
   known leaders have now been captured or killed. Thousands of very skilled and   
   determined military personnel are on a manhunt, going after the remaining   
   killers who hide in cities    
   and caves and, one by one, we will bring the terrorists to justice.   
   Mike: Five! *makes note*   
   Crow & Tom: Woo!   
      
   Regime change   
   Crow: Begins at home!   
      
   As part of the offensive against terror,   
   Tom: Six!   
      
   we are also confronting the regimes that harbour and support terrorists,   
   Crow: Seven!   
   *Mike makes two notes*   
      
   and could supply them with nuclear, chemical, or biological weapons. The   
   United States and our allies are determined: We refuse to live in the shadow   
   of this ultimate danger.   
   Mike: Feel free to live in the shadow of my danger though.   
      
   The first to see our determination were the Taleban, who made Afghanistan the   
   primary training base of al-Qaeda killers.   
   Tom: Also, they wouldn't let us build an oil pipeline through their land.   
      
   As of this month, that country has a new constitution, guaranteeing free   
   elections and full participation by women.   
   Tom: Whether they follow it is another matter.   
   Mike: And do we care?   
   All: Hell no!   
      
   Businesses are opening, health care centres are being established, and the   
   boys and girls of Afghanistan are back in school.   
      
   With help from the new Afghan army, our coalition is leading aggressive raids   
   against surviving members of the Taleban and al-Qaeda. The men and women of   
   Afghanistan are building a nation that is free, and proud, and fighting   
   terror, and America is    
   honoured to be their friend.   
   Crow: Eight!   
   *Mike makes another note*   
      
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)