From: asmary@gmail.com   
      
   Holy crap that took me back. I think I have an MP3 of this saved somewhere...   
   XD Good times.   
      
      
   On Saturday, May 24, 1997 at 2:00:00 AM UTC-5, Steve and good ol' Bob Dole   
   wrote:   
   > Sailor Moon Stupid   
   > Episode #3   
   > by Kevin Bruner   
   >    
   > ********************************   
   > Preliminary Note: No real harm is intended by the situations imposed on    
   > real people in here. It's suitable for people capable of determining    
   > that it is a JOKE.   
   > ***********************************************************************   
   > Email me at:   
   > kbruner@freenet.tlh.fl.us   
   > ************************************************************[NINKU ends]   
   >    
   > TV ASAHI ANNOUNCER   
   > And now, stay tuned for a very SPECIAL episode of Ninku...   
   >    
   > WHINY KIDS   
   > Nooooooooo!!!! We wanna watch Sailor Moon!   
   >    
   > TV ASAHI ANNOUNCER   
   > All right, we can put on an idiotic episode of Sailor Moon for you   
   > wretched    
   > little snot-nosed brats. I hope Bandai eats your souls! [grumble,   
   > mutter]   
   >    
   > WHINY KIDS   
   > Yayyyyyyyyy!   
   >    
   > [OP]   
   >    
   > [Fade in:  HARUKA, MICHIRU, SETSUNA, and HOTARU (age 12) are standing    
   > in front of the Three Bill's hideout.]   
   >    
   > MICHIRU   
   > The seas are angry.   
   >    
   > HARUKA   
   > The winds are also angry.   
   >    
   > SETSUNA   
   > And so are the fans. Henshin before they change the channel.   
   >    
   > HARUKA [sweatdropping]   
   > Um... right.   
   >    
   > [HARUKA, MICHIRU, SETSUNA, and HOTARU produce their henshin rods, then    
   > raise them... then the most awesome music in the history of animated    
   > transformation scenes plays ^_^]   
   >    
   > HARUKA   
   > Uranus Planet Power, Make Up!   
   >    
   > MICHIRU   
   > Neptune Planet Power, Make Up!   
   >    
   > SETSUNA   
   > Pluto Planet Power, Make Up!   
   >    
   > HOTARU   
   > Yet to be named Saturn henshin phrase, Make Up!   
   >    
   > [HARUKA, MICHIRU, SETSUNA, and HOTARU are transformed into their    
   > buttkicking OUTER SENSHI forms. The audience erupts into cheers,    
   > and Bandai's CEO's eyes turn to yen signs and make a "cha-ching" noise]   
   >    
   > SAILOR URANUS   
   > Minna... time to kick some ass!   
   >    
   > [the OUTERS rush into the building and prepare for combat]   
   >    
   > [Ep title: "Bill Gates' Evil Plan! Sailor Senshi Need a Life!"]   
   >    
   > [meanwhile, at the Three Bills' Secret Lair]   
   >    
   > BANDAI   
   > So, tell us, Gates... what is this fantastic plan of yours?   
   >    
   > GATES   
   > Well, as you know, computers are so easy to use nowadays that a mere    
   > IMBECILE could use one.   
   >    
   > [GATES looks at CLINTON, who has about 12 popsicles stuffed in his   
   > mouth]   
   >    
   > GATES   
   > With a few exceptions, of course... now, in any case... what do you    
   > think would happen if we made computers so pointlessly complicated with    
   > a shoddy operating system so pathetic, it confused people for hours? And    
   > what would happen if this operating system was installed on the biggest    
   > server in the world... the one CONTROLLING the world!   
   >    
   > BANDAI   
   > I *like* this, Gates... what have you got?   
   >    
   > GATES   
   > Gentlemen, I'd like to unveil... YGGDRASSIL '95!   
   >    
   > [GATES holds up a box in a blue sky/cloud cover with text that reads    
   > "YGGDRASSIL '95" and the slogan "Start it Up!" (which has in fine print    
   > "and watch it crash")]   
   >    
   > BANDAI   
   > Excellent, EXCELLENT! With my evil marketing powers, I'll have it    
   > installed in no time!    
   >    
   > GATES and BANDAI   
   > MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!   
   >    
   > CLINTON   
   > Hey, look ya'll! I spelled my name with popsicle sticks!   
   >    
   > GATES   
   > Yeeeeeeeeeah.   
   >    
   > BANDAI   
   > Ooooooooooookay.   
   >    
   > [Meanwhile, the INNER SENSHI plod deeper into the base... but strangely   
   >  enough, they come out in a poorly drawn animated town]   
   >    
   > SAILOR MARS   
   > Where the heck are we now?   
   >    
   > [Suddenly, something CRUNCHES under SAILOR JUPITER'S boot]   
   >    
   > SAILOR JUPITER   
   > Ewww, I stepped in something... purple?   
   >    
   > [JUPITER lifts her foot, and a purple cat picks itself up and several    
   > bones snap back into place]   
   >    
   > SAILOR MOON   
   > Waiwai! Neko!   
   >    
   > [The purple cat is glomped by SAILOR MOON, until the cat says,    
   > "OW! Hey, hee hee, stop that!"]   
   >    
   > [SAILOR MOON drops the cat, dumbstruck]   
   >    
   > SAILOR MOON   
   > Neko... can talk! WAI! Whoever heard of something like that?   
   >    
   > EEK THE CAT   
   > Um, hi! My name's Eek the Cat! This is McTropolis! What are your names?   
   >    
   > [SAILOR MOON starts to go into the POSE...]   
   >    
   > SAILOR MOON   
   > Ai to seigino, sailor fuku bishoujo senshi... SAILOR MOON!    
   > Tsuki ni kawatte... oshiokiyo!   
   >    
   > [NINJA NINNIES walk by]   
   >    
   > NINJA #1   
   > Three...   
   >    
   > NINJA #2   
   > We're still going...   
   >    
   > EEK THE CAT   
   > Gee, Sailor Moon, why are you and your friends here?   
   >    
   > SAILOR MOON   
   > We're looking for some evil badguys! Have you seen any?   
   >    
   > EEK THE CAT   
   > Well, gee, no... but if I do, I'll tell you.   
   >    
   > SAILOR MOON   
   > Would you like to help us find our way out of here?   
   >    
   > EEK THE CAT   
   > Sure, it never hurts to help!   
   >    
   > SAILOR MARS   
   > Wrong, I can name many occasions where it hurt quite SUBSTANTIALLY...   
   >    
   > SAILOR VENUS   
   > Shuddup, Mars, it's better than asking a cab driver.   
   >    
   > EEK THE CAT   
   > Wanna see a picture of my girlfriend Annabelle?   
   >    
   > SAILOR MOON   
   > Uh... sure!   
   >    
   > [EEK pulls out a fold-out picture of an enormously fat pink cat]   
   >    
   > SAILOR MOON   
   > Um... gee, Eek... she's really... FAT.   
   >    
   > [pause]   
   >    
   > EEK THE CAT   
   > Really?   
   >    
   > SAILOR MOON   
   > Yeah. Wanna see a picture of my boyfriend?   
   >    
   > EEK THE CAT   
   > Kum bah yah! I'd love to see your dearest one! The one that means the    
   > most to you! Your pride and joy, your heart and soul, your really nifty    
   > guy, your Mr. Lover Man, your Mr. Boombastic, your...   
   >    
   > [SAILOR MOON pulls out a picture of MAMORU]   
   >    
   > SAILOR MOON [beaming]   
   > See? Isn't he cute?   
   >    
   > EEK THE CAT   
   > Um... gee, Sailor Moon... he's really... DORKY LOOKING.   
   >    
   > [SAILOR MOON sweatdrops, and squints at the picture]   
   >    
   > SAILOR MOON   
   > Really?   
   >    
   > [MARS, JUPITER, VENUS, and MERCURY are falling down laughing in the    
   > background. SAILOR MOON gets a big sweatdrop on the back of her head]   
   >    
   > [meanwhile, in Yggdrassil]   
   >    
   > [SKULD chases around a bug, eventually squishing it with a mallet]   
   >    
   > SKULD   
   > Ha! Got you, you dirty little bastard!   
   >    
   > [a little white doorway opens, and BELLDANDY steps into the computer   
   > world]   
   >    
   > BELLDANDY   
   > Hi imoutochan!   
   >    
   > SKULD   
   > Oneechan! Where's Urd-oneesan?   
   >    
   > BELLDANDY   
   > Um, I think she's having breast reduction surgery.   
   >    
   > SKULD   
   > Eh?   
   >    
   > BELLDANDY   
   > Yeah, someone explained that little thing called "gravity" to her.   
   >    
   > SKULD   
   > Ouch. I know what you mean.   
   >    
   > BELLDANDY   
   > But look, Keiichi-kun got you a present!   
   >    
   > SKULD   
   > A present? For me? Is it ice cream?   
   >    
   > BELLDANDY   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)