XPost: alt.flame, alt.cascade, alt.alien.vampire.flonk.flonk.flonk   
   XPost: alt.fan.karl-malden.nose   
   From: byend.removethisbityousillyperson@eskimo.com   
      
   In alt.flame The 2-Belo  wrote:   
   > We have a report from the alt.flame Dynamics Officer that Avoid normal   
   > situations. has exploded. Flight director confirms that:   
      
   > [cleanup]   
      
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >Echo Three to Echo Seven. Han   
   old buddy, do you read me?   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> Loud and clear, kid. What's up?   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >Well I finished my circle, I don't   
   pick up any life readings.   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> There isn't enough life on this ice   
   cube to fill a space cruiser. The sensors   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> are placed -- I'm going back to base.   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >*another tauntaun goes skippidy doo   
   through the shot; millions of kids   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >watching this in the 21st century on   
   their giant HD flatwidescreen TVs think   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >to themselves, "Man, this is so *old*"*   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >Right, I'll see ya shortly. There's a   
   meteorite that hit the ground near here,   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >I wanna check it out. Won't take long.   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >Beeeeeeeghhhhhhhh! [Translation:   
   Abominable snowman alert! And get off me,   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >you fucking alien!]   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >Steady! Hey! Steady, girl! Hey what's   
   the matter? Ya smell somethin'?   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >RAWR!   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >*Luke gets moshed*   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >Beeegggggghhrhhhhhh! [Translation: I   
   told you so!]   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >*tauntaun gets mushed*   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> *Meanwhile, Han trots into the   
   improbable cave-base*   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >  *fitting in very nicely with all the   
   other improbabilities in this series*   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> Chewie!   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> *A Wookiee, basically a 7-foot-tall   
   pile of highly flammable hair, is...   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> welding?*   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> Chewie!   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> Raaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggggh!   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> All riiiight, don't lose your temper!   
   I'll come right back and give you a hand.   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >*Han makes his way into the control room;   
   Leia is there, bearing a harsher,   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >somehow military 'do*   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >*Han finds the base commander; I know   
   this is a bunch of guerrillas, but   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >another hard thing to swallow is a   
   military force capable of taking down   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >a galactic empire in which nobody salutes*   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >Hello.   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> No sign of life out there, General. The   
   sensors are in place. You'll know if   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> anything comes around.   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >Commander Skywalker reported in yet?   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> No. He's checking out a meteorite that hit   
   near him.   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >With all the meteor activity in this system,   
   it's gonna be difficult to spot   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >approaching ships.   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> General... I've got to leave. I can't stay   
   anymore.   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >I'm sorry to hear that.   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> I've got a price on my head. If I don't pay off   
   Jabba the Hutt, I'm a dead man.   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >A death mark's not an easy thing to live with. [FTFY.]   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >*beat*   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >You're a good fighter, Solo. I hate to lose you.   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> *handshake* Thank you, General.   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> *turns to Leia, sizes her up*   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >*for the first time, we hear the Star Wars Love Theme*   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> Well, Your Highness, I guess this is it.   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> >*plays it cool, nods* That's right.   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >> .... Well, don't go all mushy on me. So long, Princess!   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >*Leia registers, "Oh, no!" and goes after him*   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> >Han!   
   > >> >> >> >>> >> *Yes*, Your Highnessness? [fixed]   
   > >> >> >> >>> >I thought you had decided to stay.   
   > >> >> >> >>> Well, the bounty hunter we ran into on Ord Mandell changed my   
   mind.   
   > >> >> >> >>Han, we need you!   
   > >> >> >> >*We* need?   
   > >> >> >> Yes.   
   > >> >> >Well what about "you need"?   
   > >> >> *I* need? I don't know what you're talking about.   
   > >> >*tsk* Probably don't.   
   > >> And what precisely am I supposed to know?   
   > >Come onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn! You want me to stay because of the way you   
   feel   
   > >about me!   
   > Yes! You're a great help to us. You're a natural leader!   
   No! *That's* not it! C'mon!   
   *sends that vibe of "You know you want me 'cause I look like Harrison Ford"*   
   Aahhhhhhhh? C'mon!   
      
   --   
   alt.flame "ah, the Lucasverse, where not only Mr. Interstellar Wiseass is a   
   'natural leader', but he can have a conversation like that with a princess in   
   public and not get beheaded" Special Forces   
   "In any society, the artist has a responsibility. His effectiveness is   
   certainly limited and a painter or writer cannot change the world. But   
   they can keep an essential margin of nonconformity alive. Thanks to them   
   the powerful can never affirm that everyone agrees with their acts. That   
   small difference is very important."               -- Luis Bunuel   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)