XPost: alt.flame, alt.cascade, alt.alien.vampire.flonk.flonk.flonk   
   XPost: alt.fan.karl-malden.nose   
   From: byend.removethisbityousillyperson@eskimo.com   
      
   In alt.flame The 2-Belo  wrote:   
   > We have a report from the alt.flame Dynamics Officer that Avoid normal   
   > situations. has exploded. Flight director confirms that:   
      
   > >> >   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >Echo Three to Echo Seven.   
   Han old buddy, do you read me?   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> Loud and clear, kid. What's   
   up?   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >Well I finished my circle, I   
   don't pick up any life readings.   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> There isn't enough life on   
   this ice cube to fill a space cruiser. The sensors   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> are placed -- I'm going back   
   to base.   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >*another tauntaun goes skippidy   
   doo through the shot; millions of kids   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >watching this in the 21st   
   century on their giant HD flatwidescreen TVs think   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >to themselves, "Man, this is so   
   *old*"*   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >Right, I'll see ya shortly.   
   There's a meteorite that hit the ground near here,   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >I wanna check it out. Won't take   
   long.   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >Beeeeeeeghhhhhhhh! [Translation:   
   Abominable snowman alert! And get off me,   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >you fucking alien!]   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >Steady! Hey! Steady, girl! Hey   
   what's the matter? Ya smell somethin'?   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >RAWR!   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >*Luke gets moshed*   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >Beeegggggghhrhhhhhh!   
   [Translation: I told you so!]   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >*tauntaun gets mushed*   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> *Meanwhile, Han trots into the   
   improbable cave-base*   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >  *fitting in very nicely with all   
   the other improbabilities in this series*   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> Chewie!   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> *A Wookiee, basically a   
   7-foot-tall pile of highly flammable hair, is...   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> welding?*   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> Chewie!   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> Raaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggggh!   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> All riiiight, don't lose your   
   temper! I'll come right back and give you a hand.   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >*Han makes his way into the control   
   room; Leia is there, bearing a harsher,   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >somehow military 'do*   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >*Han finds the base commander; I   
   know this is a bunch of guerrillas, but   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >another hard thing to swallow is a   
   military force capable of taking down   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >a galactic empire in which nobody   
   salutes*   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >Hello.   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> No sign of life out there, General.   
   The sensors are in place. You'll know if   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> anything comes around.   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> >Commander Skywalker reported in yet?   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >> No. He's checking out a meteorite that   
   hit near him.   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >With all the meteor activity in this   
   system, it's gonna be difficult to spot   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> >approaching ships.   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >> General... I've got to leave. I can't stay   
   anymore.   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> >I'm sorry to hear that.   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >> I've got a price on my head. If I don't pay   
   off Jabba the Hutt, I'm a dead man.   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >A death mark's not an easy thing to live with.   
   [FTFY.]   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >*beat*   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> >You're a good fighter, Solo. I hate to lose you.   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> *handshake* Thank you, General.   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> *turns to Leia, sizes her up*   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >*for the first time, we hear the Star Wars Love   
   Theme*   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >> Well, Your Highness, I guess this is it.   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> >*plays it cool, nods* That's right.   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >> .... Well, don't go all mushy on me. So long,   
   Princess!   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >*Leia registers, "Oh, no!" and goes after him*   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> >Han!   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >> *Yes*, Your Highnessness? [fixed]   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> >I thought you had decided to stay.   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>> Well, the bounty hunter we ran into on Ord Mandell   
   changed my mind.   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >>Han, we need you!   
   > >> >> >> >> >> >*We* need?   
   > >> >> >> >> >> Yes.   
   > >> >> >> >> >Well what about "you need"?   
   > >> >> >> >> *I* need? I don't know what you're talking about.   
   > >> >> >> >*tsk* Probably don't.   
   > >> >> >> And what precisely am I supposed to know?   
   > >> >> >Come onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn! You want me to stay because of the way   
   you feel   
   > >> >> >about me!   
   > >> >> Yes! You're a great help to us. You're a natural leader!   
   > >> >No! *That's* not it! C'mon!   
   > >> >*sends that vibe of "You know you want me 'cause I look like Harrison   
   Ford"*   
   > >> >Aahhhhhhhh? C'mon!   
   > >> *Leia finally tunes in*   
   > >> You're imagining things.   
   > >Am I? Then why are you following me? 'Fraid I was gonna leave without giving   
   > >you a goodbye kiss?   
   > I'd just as soon kiss a Wookiee.   
   I can arrange that!   
   *storms off*   
   You could use a good kiss!   
      
   --   
   alt.flame "millions of fanboys spontaneously volunteer" Special Forces   
   "In any society, the artist has a responsibility. His effectiveness is   
   certainly limited and a painter or writer cannot change the world. But   
   they can keep an essential margin of nonconformity alive. Thanks to them   
   the powerful can never affirm that everyone agrees with their acts. That   
   small difference is very important."               -- Luis Bunuel   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)