XPost: rec.arts.sf.written, alt.fan.douglas-adams, alt.fan.monty-python   
   XPost: alt.alien.vampire.flonk.flonk.flonk   
   From: mimus99@gmail.com   
      
   On Thu, 10 Dec 2015 17:50:34 -0500, mimus99 wrote:   
      
   > "Forty-two, Master Legolas!" [Gimli the dwarf] cried. "Alas! My axe is   
   > notched: the forty-second had an iron collar on his neck."   
   >   
   > J. R. R. Tolkien, _ The Two Towers _ (1954)   
   >   
   > We had huge enjoyment writing a ponderous homily in which a vicar who   
   > begins by reading out the text about Lot's wife being turned into a pillar   
   > of salt suddenly _realizes_ what an extraordinary thing this was to happen,   
   > and then speculates about God's choice of condiment. When Graham performed   
   > it, it worked well, especially the punchline, delivered after a very long   
   > and puzzled pause--"Hymn 42!" Graham later worked with the author of _ The   
   > Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy _, Douglas Adams: Did our sermon inspire   
   > him when he pondered the answer to life, the universe and everything?   
   >   
   > John Cleese, _ So Anyway _ (2014)   
      
   The Ingenious Patriot   
      
   Having obtained an audience of the King an Ingenious Patriot pulled a paper   
   from his pocket, saying:   
      
   "May it please your Majesty, I have here a formula for constructing   
   armour-plating which no gun can pierce.  If these plates are adopted in the   
   Royal Navy our warships will be invulnerable, and therefore invincible.   
   Here, also, are reports of your Majesty's Ministers, attesting the value of   
   the invention.  I will part with my right in it for a million tumtums."   
      
   After examining the papers, the King put them away and promised him an   
   order on the Lord High Treasurer of the Extortion Department for a million   
   tumtums.   
      
   "And here," said the Ingenious Patriot, pulling another paper from another   
   pocket, "are the working plans of a gun that I have invented, which will   
   pierce that armour.  Your Majesty's Royal Brother, the Emperor of Bang, is   
   anxious to purchase it, but loyalty to your Majesty's throne and person   
   constrains me to offer it first to your Majesty.  The price is one million   
   tumtums."   
      
   Having received the promise of another check, he thrust his hand into still   
   another pocket, remarking:   
      
   "The price of the irresistible gun would have been much greater, your   
   Majesty, but for the fact that its missiles can be so effectively averted   
   by my peculiar method of treating the armour plates with a new--"   
      
   The King signed to the Great Head Factotum to approach.   
      
   "Search this man," he said, "and report how many pockets he has."   
      
   "Forty-three, Sire," said the Great Head Factotum, completing the scrutiny.   
      
   "May it please your Majesty," cried the Ingenious Patriot, in terror, "one   
   of them contains tobacco."   
      
   "Hold him up by the ankles and shake him," said the King; "then give him a   
   check for forty-two million tumtums and put him to death.  Let a decree   
   issue declaring ingenuity a capital offence."   
      
   Bierce, Fantastic Fables (1899)   
      
   --   
      
   The secret is to stretch things out a bit more.   
   Say, by model-years.   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)