XPost: alt.guitar.amps, alt.tv.the-apprentice, rec.woodworking   
   From: ahem@notquite.net   
      
   Last night Spamela sent me the following:   
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   PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004   
      
      
   EXPERIENCE AND EDUCATION   
      
   Law Enforcement:   
   I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under   
   the influence of alcohol. I pleaded guilty, paid a fine, and had   
   my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving   
   record has been "lost" and is not available.   
      
   Military:   
   I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused   
   to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use.   
   By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid   
   combat duty in Vietnam.   
      
   College:   
   I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was   
   a cheerleader.   
      
      
   PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:   
      
   I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.   
      
   I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas in 1975.   
   I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas.   
   The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.   
      
   I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal   
   that took land using taxpayer money.   
      
   With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry   
   (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.   
      
      
   ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:   
      
   I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies,   
   making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my   
   tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden   
   city in America.   
      
   I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of   
   billions in borrowed money.   
      
   I set the record for the most executions by any governor in   
   American history.   
      
   With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my   
   father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President   
   after losing by over 500,000 votes.   
      
      
   ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:   
      
   I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with   
   a criminal record.   
      
   I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of   
   *over one billion dollars per week*.   
      
   I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S.   
   Treasury.   
      
   I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S.   
   history.   
      
   I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in   
   any 12-month period.   
      
   I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month   
   period.   
      
   I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history   
   of the U.S. stock market.   
      
   In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their   
   jobs and that trend continues every month.   
      
   I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any   
   administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire,"   
   Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.   
      
   I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips by a U.S.   
   President.   
      
   I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving   
   the most corporate campaign donations.   
      
   One of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest   
   corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History, Enron.   
      
   My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys   
   to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my   
   election decision.   
      
   I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against   
   investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent   
   investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent   
   investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history.   
      
   I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and   
   refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry   
   was revealed.   
      
   I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.   
      
   I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be   
   awarded government contracts.   
      
   I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than   
   any President in U.S. history.   
      
   I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest   
   bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.   
      
   I've broken more international treaties than any President in   
   U.S. history.   
      
   I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United   
   Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.   
      
   I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.   
      
   I refused to allow inspector's access to U.S. "prisoners of war"   
   detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva   
   Convention.   
      
   I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations   
   election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).   
      
   I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any   
   President since the advent of television.   
      
   I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year   
   period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided   
   over the worst security failure in U.S. history.   
      
   I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade   
   Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most   
   hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in   
   world history.   
      
   I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to   
   simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people),   
   shattering the record for protests against any person in the   
   history of mankind.   
      
   I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked,   
   preemptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign   
   nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the   
   majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community. I have cut   
   health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty   
   benefits for active duty troops and their families -- in wartime.   
      
   In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for   
   attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.   
      
   I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans   
   (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and   
   security.   
      
   I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster,"   
   a WMD.   
      
   I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden   
   to justice.   
      
   During the Iraq War and Occupation thousands of American troops   
   were injured and killed. I did not have the time to attend any of   
   the funerals for our fallen soldiers but I did have the time to   
   attend more than 43 fundraising events of the Republican party.   
      
   RECORDS AND REFERENCES:   
      
   All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my   
   father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.   
      
   All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and   
   my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for   
   public view.   
      
   All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President,   
   attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and   
   unavailable for public review.   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)