From: stumeade@gmail.com   
      
   K C Chan 	   
   10/29/03   
              
   What the hell.  I've got the time.  It hasn't been seen in a while.   
      
   I didn't write this, but I am dazzled by its brilliance every time I   
   see it, and feel obliged to bring it out now and then and take it   
   around the block to show it off.  I wish it was mine, but I have to   
   admit the owner dumped it on the front doorstep and hasn't been seen   
   since, so I feed it and take it out for walks.   
      
   AFU Info - READ THIS FIRST   
      
   This newsgroup is perhaps the most petty, cloying, nasty, and   
   disappointing newsgroup on the Internet, but it has its ugly side,   
   too.  Since you're here, you must have some interest in the site, so   
   there are a few requirements that you must observe if you want to get   
   along here:   
      
   1.  You must get a humorectomy.  We are a very earnest group, and we   
   take every post almost as seriously as we take ourselves.  Don't try   
   to impress us with your wit - we probably won't get the joke, but if   
   we do, we won't risk appearing impressed.   
      
   2.  You must be trying to fill a vast emotional abyss with a   
   combination of thousands of posts and nit-picking.  It helps if you've   
   had a miserable childhood during which nothing you did was good   
   enough.  This develops the proper attitude for the afu newsgroup.  You   
   won't earn your parents' love here, but the satisfaction of endless   
   caviling will soon replace your need for any acceptance other than   
   ours.   
      
   3.  You must develop an attitude of condescension that is not   
   supportable by your intellectual ability.  You don't have to be smart   
   to be here (in fact, it helps if you aren't), but you have to be able   
   to act smart.  Don't worry - if we accept you, we will defend any   
   statement that you make.  The best attitude to have is one of arrogant   
   aloofness which conveys the impression that nothing will ever affect   
   you.   
      
   4.  Being right must become your raison d'être.  It is more important   
   to be right than to be anything else.  How do we know if we're right?   
   By proving that someone else is wrong.   
      
   5.  You must learn our mantra: "Cite your sources…cite your   
   sources…cite your sources."  For us, sources are important.   
   Everything in a post that is not tautological, self-evident, or proved   
   by the post itself may be effectively answered by chanting our mantra   
   in your response.   
      
   6.  You should find a pithy cliché to add to your signature.  You   
   don't have to understand it, it just has to reflect your   
   outrecuidance.  (See how easy this is?)   
      
   7.  When you sign your name to a response, you should follow this   
   formula: Your first name "some statement that indicates either that   
   you're smart, cool, unconvinced, or bored" your last name. (E.g., John   
   "Spake the Bard: 'Something is fishy in Denmark,' but I'm too bored   
   and cool to bother with it" Smith.)   
      
   8.  When somebody challenges your arrogance, the best thing to do is   
   to attack him.  You can start your response with "John Smith wrote   
   " or ""   
   anything that seems to present a segue to John Smith's post.   
      
   9.  If any non-afu-er complains about our treatment of another   
   non-afu-er, you should try to be the first of us to ridicule any   
   expression of emotion that might be present in the post.   
      
   10.  To really be a team player, you should do your fair share of   
   verification.  When an outsider posts a flame, our policy is to verify   
   that the e-mail address is valid.  We typically assign someone (we are   
   in constant contact with each other via e-mail and ICQ) to send a   
   complimentary e-mail to the posted address.  If it gets bounced back,   
   we win.  If it doesn't, we reserve judgment.   
      
   11.  You must learn how to threaten a *plonk*.  A *plonk* is when you   
   add someone to your "kill file."  Of course, we never really do it -   
   we might miss the opportunity to tell someone that he's wrong.   
      
   12.  You must learn that this newsgroup is more real than anything   
   that you might previously have thought to be reality.  This is your   
   new reality.   
      
      
   KC "Petty, Cloying, Nasty and Disappointing" Chan.   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)