XPost: alt.music.s-mclachlan, alt.music.alternative.female, rec.humor   
   XPost: ns.general   
   From: dalton@nfld.com   
      
   Now many of my past jokes on the FTE list and on   
   newsgroups I did not label with the word joke, so   
   are hard to find, but here are some I scrounged up:   
      
      
   First here are some ones from the last few years   
   on newsgroups:   
      
      
   Sarah has a daughter named India...   
      
   If Sarah gave India a massage to help her sleep,   
   Sarah would be an India rubber!   
      
   Sarah is descended from Atlas but his strength has been   
   watered down some over the generations so where he   
   used to lift the world, she just picks up India.   
      
      
      
   Sarah's former dog Tyde ate her marijuana brownies   
   once and he was High Tyde for a day .   
      
      
      
   Some personal trainer jokes:   
      
   Madonna in giving vocal lessons to Guy gets him   
   to do extra tongue and lip exercises.   
      
   P. Diddy however advises young women singers to   
   work on throat relaxation exercises.   
      
   Sarah: roadie, why is my amp not up on stage?   
      well, i've been thinking   
      thinking about what   
      how to magically boost panda bear fertility   
      fool, do that when I'm playing, when you have the   
          musical boost.  now get my amp up here   
      OK but why didn't you use my idea about large   
        stationary heavy tube amp units for each stadium with   
        light portable customizable digital pre-amp   
        portable things that each musician can slip in?   
      Well, it's the (fallenopian) tubes, they have   
         to travel and absorb varying earth chi,   
         like, you know, Jimmy Page lived on a ley line.   
      OK, OK, I'll get your amp up there   
      
      
      
   (Ice Cream was written when Sarah was involved with David Kershaw.)   
      
   One night on David Letterman, David L. asked Sarah   
   "What flavour of IC do you like?"   
   and she replied   
   "D-IC"   
      
   :-)   
      
      
      
      
   Bill Gates and his wife got home from the office   
   one day and she said to him "let me convert you   
   from micro soft to big and hard".   
      
   or another version   
      
   Microsoft is taking over Viagra and the new   
   merged company will be called Big and Hard.   
      
      
      
   A violin is a fiddle castrato   
      
      
      
   A geologist had twenty large samples in a pickup truck   
   and said to a field assistant who was loitering about   
   "Would you like to get my rocks off?"   
      
      
      
   When the earth moves, would you rather be in the   
   highlands or lowlands?   
      
   It depends whether the continent are   
   coming together or coming apart.   
      
   (Sometimes the Juan de Fuca plate is involved.)   
      
      
      
   Does Sarah say   
      
   dd mm   
      
   or   
      
   mm dd   
      
   on her dates?   
      
      
      
   What's a weight watcher ritual?   
      
   A rite of weigh.   
      
   What would a Taoist Weight Watchers member call it?   
      
   A rite of the weigh.   
      
      
      
      
   joke: 709 in French= sept o' neuf  (set o' Newf)   
   though I know the 0 wouldn't be pronounced that   
   way in French.  (Newf is a short term for   
   Newfoundlander and 709 is the area code for   
   Newfoundland and Labrador)   
      
      
      
   Sarah says "nothing is Good Enough".   
      
   But what does the French six like?   Gout de neuf (taste of nine).   
      
   But since I am a Newfoundlander I prefer the versions   
      
   Gout de Newf   
   or   
   goo de Newf   
      
      
      
   At that show Sarah was briefly dancing with another   
   woman, maybe another backup singer, but I didn't think   
   from that that Sarah was a Newfoundlander.  :-)   
     (a b'y)   
      
      
      
   What do you call someone rolling his second joint?   
      
   The rolling stoned.   
      
   And I think the Stones should do a video in which they   
   play the Rock of Gibraltar, Newfoundland (The Rock),   
   The Golan Heights (also known as The Rock), I guess   
   Ayre's Rock, and any other noted Rocks.   
      
      
   a condom is a come fort   
      
      
   OK, what are some other Madonna jokes I did?  Ha,   
   there is the one about did she get Bob Joy to   
   bob for joy in Desperately Seeking Susan.   
   (Bob is from here.)   
      
   OK, let's see, when I was in Calgary in 1984 (or maybe a   
   bit later in Vancouver, or both) I heard of   
   a stripper who did amazing things with a pingpong ball   
   but I guess a Qabalist does amazing things with a cue ball.   
      
      
      
   Now a few bits from the FTE list 1994--1995 (but one   
   or two of the above were also on that e-mail mailing list).   
   But a long of that writing was sort of long stream   
   of consciousness writing unconsciously designed for   
   the connoisseur with intelligence and wit (Sarah)   
   and taking stuff out of context from it doesn't   
   work at times but I will extract and build on it later   
   maybe.   
      
      
   Someone asked is there anything to the Taco Bell jokes and I said   
   "No, just the libertine belle"   
   (for the innocent, a taco is shaped like part of the female anatomy   
   and Taco Bell was giving away a Sarah CD back then)   
      
      
   emo-try in potion   
      
      
   anagrams for "fumbling towards ecstasy" :   
      
   drafty magnetics, sublows   
   Sandbag, costumer, swiftly!   
   crafty woundless gambits     {woundless is in Oxford Concise d}   
   swiftly sandbag customer  [swiftly sandbag crust 'ome]   
      
   croft slid subway magnets   
   iambs glow defunct satyrs  [defunct satyrs glow iambs]   
   magnetic locus, bawdy firsts   
   crafty nudes stow gimbals   
      
   sturdy magnetic bass flow   
   crafty gimbals sound west   
   subcomet tails fang wyrds   
   swift rats scumbled agony   
      
   mesocrust lifts [flits] bandy wag   
   stigmas cleft by unwords   [crafty gambits wound less]   
   crafty nuts dowse gimbals   
   fungoids mat crystal's web  [crystal's fungoid bats mew]...   :-)   
      
   bus: crystal woman fidgets   
   submagnets drift cosy laws   
   stomal cardings buy wefts   
      
   sun ward cleft by moist gas   
   soma wasted by curt flings   
   comet is drawn by fat slugs   
   soft magic tunes slab wyrd   
   cuts gym, frond wets labias  [cuts gym, wrests fond labia]   
      
   focus wild magnets by arts  [focus wild arts by magnets]   
   a flat subcomet sings wyrd   
   cleft bay, moist sung wards   
   sun facet draws misty globs   
      
   magic flowers stand busty   
   sling bawdy crust of mates   
   baud stream, flowing cysts   
   many bard tics, fetus glows   
      
   sundog bays flaw metric t  (or  t metric, or CRT time)   
   fast club masters windy G_o   
   focal wings stream B_y stud   
      
   bundt flaws gyrose mastic    or   mastic flaws gyrose bundt   
      (MasTic Flaws GyRosE BundT   or   BundT Flaws GyRosE BundT)   
   magestic flow, sundry bast   
      (MagEstIC FlOw SunDry Bast)   
      
   + generated by computer by Paul Phillips   
   PP:   satisfy downcast grumble   
   PP:   forcible gymnast sawdust   
   PP:   
   PP: and my favorite...   
   PP:   
   PP:   declassify strung wombat   
   I said the last could mean   
   make public a secret Australian musical instrument that   
   raises the digeridoo harmonics to new hypnotic levels,   
   which can induce a "return to the womb" trance.   
   (I'm sure Mickey Hart can hartly wait)   
      
   g'night, 3 a.m.  feel like a walk on the triple edge of water and sand and   
   air?   
                      (but that's what we are)   
   ---   
   D avid   ( de[finite]ley  no[ugh]t   diva D )   
   (not long after that was posted CBC Radio named its   
   show called Definitely Not The Opera)   
      
      
      
   Videos feed but do they challenge.   
      
      
      
   P.S.  In this net, where is the coast, costars?   Feel the   
         coast, triple boundary between sea and sky and land   
         (I know, I used that before) at every concert of our   
         (for then) triple fudge goddess symbol.   Wiggle those   
         inears to the vocal waves -- of sea and sun, earth and   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)