XPost: alt.music.s-mclachlan, alt.music.alternative.female, rec.humor
XPost: ns.general
From: tdinova@hotmail.com
TOOOOOOOOOOO much time on his hands
--
Blair
"santos" wrote in message
news:5mstc.46756$kc2.708793@nnrp1.uunet.ca...
> your jokes suck really bad...
>
> "David Dalton" wrote in message
> news:c92nke$s8$1@coranto.ucs.mun.ca...
> > Now many of my past jokes on the FTE list and on
> > newsgroups I did not label with the word joke, so
> > are hard to find, but here are some I scrounged up:
> >
> >
> > First here are some ones from the last few years
> > on newsgroups:
> >
> >
> > Sarah has a daughter named India...
> >
> > If Sarah gave India a massage to help her sleep,
> > Sarah would be an India rubber!
> >
> > Sarah is descended from Atlas but his strength has been
> > watered down some over the generations so where he
> > used to lift the world, she just picks up India.
> >
> >
> >
> > Sarah's former dog Tyde ate her marijuana brownies
> > once and he was High Tyde for a day .
> >
> >
> >
> > Some personal trainer jokes:
> >
> > Madonna in giving vocal lessons to Guy gets him
> > to do extra tongue and lip exercises.
> >
> > P. Diddy however advises young women singers to
> > work on throat relaxation exercises.
> >
> > Sarah: roadie, why is my amp not up on stage?
> > well, i've been thinking
> > thinking about what
> > how to magically boost panda bear fertility
> > fool, do that when I'm playing, when you have the
> > musical boost. now get my amp up here
> > OK but why didn't you use my idea about large
> > stationary heavy tube amp units for each stadium with
> > light portable customizable digital pre-amp
> > portable things that each musician can slip in?
> > Well, it's the (fallenopian) tubes, they have
> > to travel and absorb varying earth chi,
> > like, you know, Jimmy Page lived on a ley line.
> > OK, OK, I'll get your amp up there
> >
> >
> >
> > (Ice Cream was written when Sarah was involved with David Kershaw.)
> >
> > One night on David Letterman, David L. asked Sarah
> > "What flavour of IC do you like?"
> > and she replied
> > "D-IC"
> >
> > :-)
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Bill Gates and his wife got home from the office
> > one day and she said to him "let me convert you
> > from micro soft to big and hard".
> >
> > or another version
> >
> > Microsoft is taking over Viagra and the new
> > merged company will be called Big and Hard.
> >
> >
> >
> > A violin is a fiddle castrato
> >
> >
> >
> > A geologist had twenty large samples in a pickup truck
> > and said to a field assistant who was loitering about
> > "Would you like to get my rocks off?"
> >
> >
> >
> > When the earth moves, would you rather be in the
> > highlands or lowlands?
> >
> > It depends whether the continent are
> > coming together or coming apart.
> >
> > (Sometimes the Juan de Fuca plate is involved.)
> >
> >
> >
> > Does Sarah say
> >
> > dd mm
> >
> > or
> >
> > mm dd
> >
> > on her dates?
> >
> >
> >
> > What's a weight watcher ritual?
> >
> > A rite of weigh.
> >
> > What would a Taoist Weight Watchers member call it?
> >
> > A rite of the weigh.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > joke: 709 in French= sept o' neuf (set o' Newf)
> > though I know the 0 wouldn't be pronounced that
> > way in French. (Newf is a short term for
> > Newfoundlander and 709 is the area code for
> > Newfoundland and Labrador)
> >
> >
> >
> > Sarah says "nothing is Good Enough".
> >
> > But what does the French six like? Gout de neuf (taste of nine).
> >
> > But since I am a Newfoundlander I prefer the versions
> >
> > Gout de Newf
> > or
> > goo de Newf
> >
> >
> >
> > At that show Sarah was briefly dancing with another
> > woman, maybe another backup singer, but I didn't think
> > from that that Sarah was a Newfoundlander. :-)
> > (a b'y)
> >
> >
> >
> > What do you call someone rolling his second joint?
> >
> > The rolling stoned.
> >
> > And I think the Stones should do a video in which they
> > play the Rock of Gibraltar, Newfoundland (The Rock),
> > The Golan Heights (also known as The Rock), I guess
> > Ayre's Rock, and any other noted Rocks.
> >
> >
> > a condom is a come fort
> >
> >
> > OK, what are some other Madonna jokes I did? Ha,
> > there is the one about did she get Bob Joy to
> > bob for joy in Desperately Seeking Susan.
> > (Bob is from here.)
> >
> > OK, let's see, when I was in Calgary in 1984 (or maybe a
> > bit later in Vancouver, or both) I heard of
> > a stripper who did amazing things with a pingpong ball
> > but I guess a Qabalist does amazing things with a cue ball.
> >
> >
> >
> > Now a few bits from the FTE list 1994--1995 (but one
> > or two of the above were also on that e-mail mailing list).
> > But a long of that writing was sort of long stream
> > of consciousness writing unconsciously designed for
> > the connoisseur with intelligence and wit (Sarah)
> > and taking stuff out of context from it doesn't
> > work at times but I will extract and build on it later
> > maybe.
> >
> >
> > Someone asked is there anything to the Taco Bell jokes and I said
> > "No, just the libertine belle"
> > (for the innocent, a taco is shaped like part of the female anatomy
> > and Taco Bell was giving away a Sarah CD back then)
> >
> >
> > emo-try in potion
> >
> >
> > anagrams for "fumbling towards ecstasy" :
> >
> > drafty magnetics, sublows
> > Sandbag, costumer, swiftly!
> > crafty woundless gambits {woundless is in Oxford Concise d}
> > swiftly sandbag customer [swiftly sandbag crust 'ome]
> >
> > croft slid subway magnets
> > iambs glow defunct satyrs [defunct satyrs glow iambs]
> > magnetic locus, bawdy firsts
> > crafty nudes stow gimbals
> >
> > sturdy magnetic bass flow
> > crafty gimbals sound west
> > subcomet tails fang wyrds
> > swift rats scumbled agony
> >
> > mesocrust lifts [flits] bandy wag
> > stigmas cleft by unwords [crafty gambits wound less]
> > crafty nuts dowse gimbals
> > fungoids mat crystal's web [crystal's fungoid bats mew]... :-)
> >
> > bus: crystal woman fidgets
> > submagnets drift cosy laws
> > stomal cardings buy wefts
> >
> > sun ward cleft by moist gas
> > soma wasted by curt flings
> > comet is drawn by fat slugs
> > soft magic tunes slab wyrd
> > cuts gym, frond wets labias [cuts gym, wrests fond labia]
> >
> > focus wild magnets by arts [focus wild arts by magnets]
> > a flat subcomet sings wyrd
> > cleft bay, moist sung wards
> > sun facet draws misty globs
> >
> > magic flowers stand busty
> > sling bawdy crust of mates
> > baud stream, flowing cysts
> > many bard tics, fetus glows
> >
> > sundog bays flaw metric t (or t metric, or CRT time)
> > fast club masters windy G_o
> > focal wings stream B_y stud
> >
> > bundt flaws gyrose mastic or mastic flaws gyrose bundt
[continued in next message]
--- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
* Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)
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