From: someone@anywheret.net   
      
   "Jim D"  wrote in message news:2019041012062570908-Not@ThisAddresscom...   
      
   > Wanting to hear everthing like it's a record is a BIG part of her problem.   
   > That's generally not possible in a live situation. Maybe you can think of   
   > a way that it is, but I can't.   
      
   It can be done through the *right* monitor system. Personally, I like small   
   mic stand monitors that I can use in or close to near field proximity. That   
   way, I hear myself without becoming de facto part of the FOH system...and   
   don't have to suffer the discomfort of having things stuck into my ears,   
   even though I *wish* I could stand them.   
      
   > Her and I had a long talk after yersterday's duo job.  Don't know if we   
   > solved anything, but the pressure is slightly less now, so maybe our   
   > relationship won't blow apart.   
      
   I can't say I've ever experienced anything like that situation, but if I   
   did, I'd approach its remedy on an experimental basis. That way, I can at   
   least ask for some cooperation, hopefully with some degree of impunity, and   
   perhaps even some success, with *trying* the experiment(s).   
      
   But once again, as with anything else that's seriously worthwhile, Maturity   
   in general and open mindedness in particular, is Required.   
      
   > Distrust, as an inability to let anyone else do their job without her   
   > overseeing and approval, is the issue.   
      
   That's where the experimental approach might help - doing a *test* -   
   *trying* something in order to evaluate the results.   
   That way the only commitment is simply to *see* how things will work out.   
      
   It's very difficult to work with others when you have that mindset.   
      
   Unless it can be *defused*, by a different approach.   
      
   Most people get tired of having to explain why they did this or that some   
   particular way ... to someone   
   who doesn't understand the job, or the explination.   
      
   Then try focusing on the *results* instead...since those are a LOT harder to   
   argue with.   
      
   > Cousin brought up pro ball team owners as an example of something like   
   > that. An owner that hires a head coach then meddles in all that coaches   
   > decisions. Eventually the coach will quit. Or, after the team loses enough   
   > games, the owner might back away and let the pro's make the decisions.   
   > Either way, having some unqualified person in charge of something they   
   > don't understand usually doesn't work out well.   
      
   And the common denominator is success, or the lack thereof, which is usually   
   a very powerful motive, particularly when properly focused on.   
      
   > Saw a comment once that the reason most bands are too loud is because 90%   
   > of musicians don't know one thing about acoustics.   
      
   More like 90% of them have Ruined their hearing *because* they know nothing   
   about acoustics, that and of course, because they're Total IDIOTS, who   
   STUPIDLY *chose* to disregard the *pain* signals that too-high SPLs were   
   giving them back when they actually could still hear.   
      
   > That pretty much covers our little problem.  That and listening to people   
   > from her circle of friends that know even less that that. As in it's often   
   > worse to " know " something that's wrong, than to know nothing at all. And   
   > the idea that " turn it up " is a good way to run the pa is just wrong.   
      
   JimD   
      
   If they're *real* friends, they'll want their friends to get gigs rather   
   than Lose them - along with their hearing!   
      
   Ouisie   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)