From: denisesharpe15@yahoo.com   
      
   My sadness turned to anger for a while. My spirit was injured and used against   
   me in a song and I was so deeply hurt that things I did and experienced were   
   used to do harm. It was so wrong.. And I was left without a word and I was   
   confused and very    
   depressed. But I still loved him.   
   I called the ELP management company and left a message to have Carl call me   
   otherwise I'd sue him for Invasion or Privacy. I didn't know about the common   
   law tort, Intentional Infliction of emotional distress, which was really what   
   was happening. In    
   about 10 minutes their manager called. I said what's the deal with Affairs of   
   the Heart, that song is about me and Carl and he knows it. Their manager then   
   said, "well, it could be about someone else". Why didn't he just say it wasn't   
   about me? More    
   emotional distress. Then my voice got louder and I said "What do you want from   
   me"? And I kept repeating it throughout the conversation. Then I said with a   
   laugh You know there are some THINGS I can say about Carl. Then it seemed like   
   a different voice    
   on another line said "What do you want" what did he mean by that? Did he want   
   me to say money? Like a dummy, I said I want Carl to know that he hurt me.   
   That was probably him on the other line listening in and asking. Little did I   
   know back then that it    
   was all meant to hurt me. Why would anyone be so cruel? It was because I know   
   too much that they wanted my brain fried up from all these bizarre head games.   
   And to use love songs to hurt someone? That's some evil shit right there. But   
   I couldn't believe    
   that Carl wanted to hurt me so bad. I loved him too much to believe he would   
   do such horrid things. So I kept believing, I had to. Nobody is that cruel, or   
   so I thought.   
      
   On March 19, 1993 ELP played their last concert at the Wiltern Theatre in Los   
   Angeles. (There was a concert before it, and it's on YouTube, but no weird   
   stuff went on that night) It was broadcasted Live over the radio, all over the   
   country. I listened to    
   it, but there were so many people screaming that it was difficult to hear. I   
   contacted the radio station to see if they taped it and they did. They were   
   more than happy to send me a copy. I just knew there was a message in it for   
   me. I just wouldn't give    
   up hoping. I had loved Carl secretly all my life and I loved drums and loved   
   playing them. He influenced me to play, so I couldn't believe it was cruelty   
   because that would mean a lifetime of love was waisted and that his kindness   
   to me at times, were    
   all a lie, a big lie.   
      
   I used headphones to listen to the tape more closely. Some of the things I   
   heard in between songs was Carl yelling "Denise" "I love you" "when do you   
   want your wedding" "Denise". Just to be sure I wasn't imagining things, I   
   asked my son who was 15 at the    
   time to listen to it and tell me what he heard. He heard it too. My son   
   wouldn't lie to me to make me feel better, he wanted me to know the truth   
   also. I feel so bad that during all that year, I didn't have my mind on my   
   son. He is and always will be the    
   most important person in my life. I was always a good mother to him and   
   spoiled him growing up, but he turned out to be a wonderful man. But I know   
   the year 1993, when I wasn't myself, affected him deeply.   
      
   After the Wiltern theatre show, ELP left the country and I went into an even   
   deeper depression. "Promises lit up the night like paper doves in flight I   
   dreamed you had left my side no warmth not even pride remained. and even   
   though you needed me, it was    
   clear that I could not do a thing for you" , ELP had left and I believe, broke   
   up yet again. The ship of fools had finally run aground. Their signature song   
   is Pirates.  But a truth came over me and I could feel "a distant ship smoke   
   on the horizon" but    
   it wasn't until the next year that I would become "Comfortably Numb" and hear   
   David Gilmour's healing voice singing "There is no pain you are receding"   
      
   I kept on writing to Carl this whole time asking many many times, "why won't   
   you talk to me"? I sent the letters to Victory Music in Los Angeles. I knew   
   he'd be getting the letters..I knew he'd want to know what was happening with   
   me.   
      
   Then the new ELP video had just come out and it was entitled "Welcome Back". I   
   should have laughed and said for them to go hell..But I kept believing. The   
   video was about the entire history of ELP up to that point. And guess who is   
   in it? Me in that damn    
   restaurant scene again..I am the only woman in the entire video, which is the   
   band's history, that is seen as being with Carl. It's a lie and people should   
   know that I was just being used then, and now again in this new video. It was   
   being used again to    
   torment me more. I want people to know about that girl in that video. He   
   didn't care about me. But I loved him very much, he was my drumming idol, and   
   my friend, or so I was led to believe for 3 years.   
      
   And yet another very haunting moment in the video, for me was during the song   
   "C'est la vie". I had been listening to that song a lot and I could interpret   
   the lyrics very well, but I was never for certain if it was about me. During   
   the song Carl is seen    
   jogging in a neighborhood, he passes a hedgerow. And then during the lyrics   
   "who knows who cares for me" Carl looks down the driveway of the home. I never   
   told him that I loved him, I didn't say..I interpret C'est la vie as Say   
   Denise. My leaves had all    
   turned to brown like the newspaper clippings I collected of him that I told   
   him about. The morning after I left, I took all the clippings and scrunched   
   them each into a ball until I was surrounded by them. And like leaves I laid   
   down in them, then threw    
   them up in the air and then into the garbage. All he needed was a rhyme for me   
   to come back. Now, there is no song you can play for me.   
      
   I knew he had my address, because I'd write it on my letters. So seeing the   
   hedgerow was very eerie for me because I have a hedgerow on both sides of my   
   property. And no one in my neighborhood has that and only a couple others have   
   one. It's what makes    
   my property unique. Then I felt like I was being stalked. People would never   
   believe a rock star would stalk a fan. Even saying it sounds crazy. And my   
   street is a Main Street where people like to jog.   
      
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)